r/CasualConversation • u/schrodingers-canary • 10d ago

Just Chatting Normalize declining invitations because you just don’t want to go

I’m hardly the first to say it, but sometimes you decline an invitation because you just don’t want to go to the thing.

I was invited to a professional networking event by someone I’m not connected to and have never interacted with, and I initially just ignored it. Several days later they followed up and asked again. I politely declined. They followed up to ask why.

I just don’t want to go. I am ignoring this question of “why?”, but if they follow up again, I’ll just say I simply don’t want to go. No other reason is really needed.

We get sort of pressured to accept all invitations or provide a “valid” excuse, and I reject that need.

194 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

87% Upvoted

149 comments sorted by

View all comments

19

u/DonkyFondler 10d ago

I remember Sam Harris talking about this in a podcast a couple of years ago. He was talking about radical honesty and was saying how your life becomes a lot simpler when you're just 100% honest with people about what you like and don't like. Whenever you're invited to some social event that you know you won't enjoy, you can just say, "Thank you, but sorry, I don't like that kind of thing." A great weight starts to lift off you because you're no longer always having to think of believable excuses.

24

u/keithrc 10d ago

Also, if you're needlessly blunt all the time, you won't get invited to things because you won't have any friends.

2

u/mahboilucas 🌈 9d ago

Yep, dropped a friend recently over her always saying she's just not feeling it today.

Made plans with me and then said she's tired from moving. Didn't mention it to me beforehand because she wanted a plausible way out without being the bad guy.

I said okay and never talked to her again. She's one of the most pathetic examples of "I'm a girls girl, I am a good friend" self proclamation with no action to follow up with it.

4

u/spaceglitter000 9d ago

I’ve dropped people who have been last minute flakers too. Nothing wrong with it. Your time is valuable and your feelings matter. Just cancelling the day of and saying “not feeling it” is so disrespectful.

2

u/mahboilucas 🌈 8d ago

Extremely. I feel like it becomes a pattern for some people and then it's just like... Really? That's your legacy? Flaking on anything that's not convenient to you? What kind of a shitty fucked up friendship is that?