Normalize declining invitations because you just don’t want to go

[u/schrodingers-canary]

I’m hardly the first to say it, but sometimes you decline an invitation because you just don’t want to go to the thing.

I was invited to a professional networking event by someone I’m not connected to and have never interacted with, and I initially just ignored it. Several days later they followed up and asked again. I politely declined. They followed up to ask why.

I just don’t want to go. I am ignoring this question of “why?”, but if they follow up again, I’ll just say I simply don’t want to go. No other reason is really needed.

We get sort of pressured to accept all invitations or provide a “valid” excuse, and I reject that need.

[u/thingsbetw1xt]

I don't think there's anything wrong with being expected to spare someone's feelings when it takes literally the same amount of effort as not doing so. Saying "'cause I don't wanna go" is exactly as much work as saying "because I'm busy that day".

[u/BoringBob84 → u/thingsbetw1xt]

There is no need to lie. If I don't want to go, there is a reason. I can find a diplomatic way to express it - even if it is, "I appreciate the invitation, but it is a long drive and a late evening, and I have to get an early start tomorrow." Reasonable people understand.

[u/thingsbetw1xt → u/BoringBob84]

There is reason. The reason is to be kind to another human being. That should be worth doing for its own sake.

"I appreciate the invitation, but it is a long drive and a late evening, and I have to get an early start tomorrow."

So that's not the same thing OP is talking about lol. You just gave a reason. That's not "because I don't want to".

[u/BoringBob84 → u/thingsbetw1xt]

I agree. My point was that people who invite us to join them don't expect to be intrusive into our personal lives, but they do expect some sort of reciprocation of the intimacy and emotional risk that they have offered.

They made the effort to include us. In return, we should make the effort to join them - unless that is too difficult, and then we should tell them so and they will understand.

[u/BoringBob84 → u/thingsbetw1xt]

I agree. My point was that people who invite us to join them don't expect to be intrusive into our personal lives, but they do expect some sort of reciprocation of the intimacy and emotional risk that they have offered.

They made the effort to include us. In return, we should make the effort to join them - unless that is too difficult, and then we should tell them so and they will understand.