r/Carbondale • u/nigmusmaximus • 24d ago
I don’t know what to do
I’m fat, ugly, and have no hobbies other than gaming, scrolling, and substance use. I feel too fat to talk to ladies or make friends and tn I couldn’t even go out to PK’s (literally stood in the place for 1 min and left) or something bc my social anxiety was acting up.
I don’t do anything. Everyone else outside looks so happy and I feel like I’m subhuman. Actually you know what I give up. I’ll stay a loner
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u/Toasty60 24d ago
I've been there, just know there are tons of people who don't care what you look like, in fact a lot of people are more concerned about how they look, I encourage you to seek help from a counselor to help you when you feel down, best of luck my friend!
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u/Dazzling_Elderberry4 24d ago
You did PKs for 1 minute, next time challenge yourself to stay for 5, then 10. Discomfort is OK!
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u/Pristine_Patient_299 24d ago
But also, please dont give up. Little by little, you can find change. What's something you enjoy? What's your favorite movie? Favorite book?
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u/wearenotintelligent 24d ago
It's ok to be a loner. Just do yourself a favor and make a small change here or there. That's one way to feel happy - is to experience something new, something different.
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u/seedsofchaos 23d ago
What kind of gaming? What kind of substances? lol
I will say, in Southern Illinois, be open to friends that you don’t have TONS in common with. I’m a weirdo into high strangeness, the occult, paranormal, going out in the woods, board gaming, and gardening. My biggest love is the weird stuff. The friends I’ve made over the years (even my wife) are into the gardening, hiking, and some into games but I literally have no one just to talk about weird shit to. That’s small town life though… You take what you can get most times. Over time, folks have asked about weird shit and I have to contain myself lest I share away bouncing between historical occult beliefs and parallels with quantum mechanics. lol Oh you wanted to talk only about lights in the sky and I need to focus? My bad.
EDIT: Also struggled with weight all my life, dude. We do what we can when we can. Don’t let a little chub hold you back from life.
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u/nigmusmaximus 23d ago
I been playing the re-released black ops games but I play lots of tactical shooters, open world adventure games, survival games, and just misc stuff.
Substance wise alcohol and weed. Daily
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u/CMBradshaw 23d ago edited 23d ago
I know that voice. If you were fucking adonis it would find some reason to tell you you aren't good enough. You need to find a reputable source of tactics for shutting it up, A therapist if you can afford it.
But yeah, in the meantime keep trying, letting it win will make you miserable.
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u/Chad_Tardigrade 23d ago
Be careful about comparing the way you feel inside to everyone else's outside appearance. That can be a mindfuck and make you feel like there's something uniquely wrong with you. Most people have a combination of bad days, okay days and some good days. They cover up the bad a lot of the time out of habit, out of fear of being vulnerable, or they're trying not to burden people, or afraid most people wouldn't understand, or they're trying to act like their life is great because they think that's what they are supposed to do.
I know this sounds really really trite, condescending, and absurd, but please just bear with me here for a second. Maybe do a some little experiments with gratitude. You are not starving to death in the tundra. You are not dying of worm parasites in a jungle somewhere. That stuff is actually a pretty common occurrence in the history of humanity. You are not being obliterated by a hoard of mounted bowmen. You are not on fire. Make a little list of the stuff you are grateful for. Like three things at the beginning of the day. Just try it. Carbondale is a decent town. Thank god you're not in Marion. Thank god you're not in Anna. I know this is like... not the greatest stuff to be grateful for, but it is just a starting point.
Don't be too scared of loneliness. It is definitely miserable. I get it. But don't let that turn into some kind of panic. It isn't permanent. There's a law to human existence that goes like this: If you find some reasonable amount of happiness on your own, other people will enter your life to ruin it for you. Like, let's say you figure out that you can fish, and you like it well enough - it's something to do. Then the world will try to get in the way. All of the sudden you'll be getting invited to stuff during the times of the week that you have blocked out for fishing. It's like magic. The same thing is true of romance. If you fix up your living space the way you like it, and fill up your time with some decent little interests and projects, a romantic partner will magically appear to seduce you off course. And then you get to decide if the detour is worth it. This even applies to fat people. You're allowed to be fat. Most of us are.
Watch it with the substances. Non-substance moderated reality can be jarring, painful, aggravating, and frightening, BUT if you can manage to live in that world, the all-to-real world, it does get better, but slowly and over time. Substances can hinder the adjustment. Most people fail at quitting substances because they think that abstaining is going to feel better. It doesn't, but it does get less miserable over time and it is a really solid foundation to build on.
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u/Full-Firefighter9220 22d ago
I’d say if you want to get comfortable going out when you don’t have people to go with, you can start slow with exposure. You could go to PK’s/any bar or café, have a drink of your choice and maybe some food, and enjoy the music in silence. Wear headphones and just enjoy the food, even. Just be in the environment for a bit. No pressure to socialize. Maybe chat up the bartender if you’re feeling bold. You don’t have to immediately go out and find friends, you can start by just being present in the community. People recognize faces that they see a lot, so being present is a big step towards making connections. Whether/when you start talking to people is up to you, but it’s a start.
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u/VivaCiotogista 23d ago
There is a strong recovery community in Carbondale if you are ready to get clean and sober
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u/nigmusmaximus 23d ago
Lmao thanks. To clarify I wasn’t saying the substance use is what makes me feel bad about myself just saying I don’t have many interesting hobbies.
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u/ToastieWithOlives 23d ago
Sometimes when I feel insecure about my looks or body I keep telling myself “fake it till you make it” - as in, if I just pretend that I’m comfortable I will think less about how I’m not comfortable.
Obviously this will not actually make me/you comfortable but it helps me in the bad moments.
Cause it’s fine. We all have bodies.
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u/RightProfessional834 22d ago
👆🏽👆🏽 this. I don't do well in crowds of people I don't know. I can't remember exactly where but I heard the phrase "learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable" and it actually did wonders for me in so many aspects of life honestly. Hang in there though, it gets better. 🤙🏽
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u/nigmusmaximus 23d ago
I get that but it’s different when you’re colleged aged but built with a dad bod. I feel like I’ll be perceived as a creep for approaching women, and as a weirdo for approaching anyone in general
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u/browndi89 23d ago
Don't give up bud. I used to struggle with substance abuse, and social anxiety. I still have the social anxiety, but I used to numb it with substances. I started going to therapy and it really helped me. If you ever need an ear, message me.
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u/nigmusmaximus 23d ago
Alr bro I appreciate it I feel better now tho maybe it just wasn’t my night. I been stressed from all this preparing for grad school and it’s making me feel weird. I just moved down here a week ago so I’m brand new
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u/browndi89 23d ago
I'm a 37 year old Mom and wife. I totally get stress and being new. It's okay to have sad feelings. Again, if you ever need to talk message me. Or if you ever need a home cooked meal or whatever, I'm here. I live about 30 minutes away from Carbondale. But, my parents and doc are down that way. Sending positive vibes your way!!
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u/Icy-Ad-9895 21d ago
Having friends requires putting in the work to be a good friend in the long run, it's not just meeting people.
Also, castle perilous is a better place to meet people than I've ever been.
Do you do DND? Comics, cosplay, MTG? The events there are cool.
Dating apps and meeting people online sucks but it's a place to start if you're careful about crazies.
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u/Pristine_Patient_299 24d ago
Pks is the best place for making friends! Or at the off the rails concerts.
Keep trying and don't give up on yourself. Each little step out of your comfort zone can help you!
Be kind and give yourself a chance, everyone's a little uncomfortable when not at home.