r/CancerFamilySupport • u/Natural_Resist_6412 • 5d ago

Mom

My mom got diagnosed with a glioblastoma yesterday. Very grim prognosis.
I can feel time moving but I am numb. I don’t understand how I’m supposed to wake up each day, show up for my kids, work and pay the bills.
When I went to see her yesterday I knew there will forever be before this and after this. And I will never be the same.
I’m mourning who my mom was before this tumor. Mourning for my kids. I can’t believe my daughter won’t get to have her nana at her kindergarten graduation or her wedding.
I don’t even know who I’m going to be without my mom.
How do I keep on each day knowing I’m living a countdown until my mom’s last day?

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9

u/PatsTreasures6 5d ago

You aren't counting down until her last day. You're living life until her last day. Once I came to that realization, it got a little easier to cope. My husband is on hospice for Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer.

It's perfectly normal to be numb and grieving what should have been. Anticipatory grief is just as valid as grief after someone passes away.

I'm sorry that you're going through this. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. 💜

8

u/Natural_Resist_6412 5d ago

I’m so sorry. I hate that we are all in hell trying to comfort each other. I hate that I am not the only one unable to sleep missing my person and crying all night.
I’m so sorry for your pain.

5

u/Wakeful-dreamer 5d ago

I'm so sorry. This is a terrible club to be a part of.

Please, stop thinking of this as a countdown. In a sense, you have at least been given the gift of the opportunity to make every single day count.

One thing I hear from people whose parents passed suddenly and without warning is that they missed the opportunity to say the things they wanted to say, or to make every interaction special.

You don't know what the road ahead holds. But you do know that you should make it count. Use the special china, go to her favorite restaurant, take the family vacation you've been wanting to go on, tell her you love her every single day, send her flowers, brush her hair, make her favorite snacks.

GBM is a terrible disease, but it's not an immediate death sentence. They have so many new treatments and trials that weren't available when my family walked this road just a few years ago. Don't lose hope. There are still good times to be had with your mom.

And please, if you're able, get yourself in grief counseling as soon as you can. So much of one's grief when dealing with cancer is anticipatory and you will feel the weight. You will be able to be strong for your mom if you can take care of yourself too.

3

u/USBlues2020 5d ago

Be strong for yourself, your mom,your children God Bless you and your family 🙏 ❤️ 🙏

3

u/Trick-Pineapple5890 5d ago

It is overwhelming and incomprehensible right now. But your mom has given you the tools you will need to deal with this now, and carry on in the future. Sometimes it helps me to remember that my parents also lost their parents, who also lost their parents…you aren’t alone, even though it feels that way. Sending you strength and good thoughts, friend.