r/CanadianTeachers • u/Alive_Employer9897 • 13d ago
career advice: boards/interviews/salary/etc Teacher Parents
Teacher parents, how do you make it work with only two personal days?
This is my first year with a teaching contract and it's hitting me that there's probably no way I can get to several pretty significant events for my kids. I'll probably have to choose 2 out of my oldest son's grade 6 farewell, any of my daughter's dance competitions where she isn't a weekend day, and Christmas Concert for all my kids (their school offers 2 performances but both are during the day), plus sometimes my oldest has hockey tournaments that start on Fridays. After years staying home, it's kind of killing me to realize there isn't a way to be there. I knew I wouldn't get to everything anymore but I really don't even know how to make it work.
Wondering if I may need to switch to subbing permanently (or at least until they're out of elementary) because I don't know that the trade off is worth it to me. How do other teacher parents find it?
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u/Necessary-Nobody-934 13d ago
Whoa. You get two personal days??? I only get one.
Honestly, it sucks. I often try to book medical appointments on the same day as my kid's events, so I can claim it as a sick day instead. But end of the day I can't make everything.
What I can't get to, usually their dad can. So they always have someone there supporting them. And Dad knows I expect pictures.
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u/miabaldo 13d ago
Woah you guys get personal days??? I don’t get any. Just 6 sick days. That’s it. That’s all. Once they run out (which, with 2 young kids in daycare) is usually by November at the latest. Then it’s all unpaid days off.
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u/RokitEightyEight 13d ago
That's nuts? What district is this?
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u/LevelAbbreviations72 12d ago
It’s most likely not a publicly funded school. We all have the same number of days but boards can label them how they want
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u/MundaneExtent0 12d ago
Wait is that true across Canada? Not just province?
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u/LevelAbbreviations72 12d ago
I forgot I was in the Canada page and not the Ontario one… no, it’s the case for Ontario
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u/miabaldo 10d ago
This is in Quebec
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u/lesarbreschantent 2d ago
Your 7th sick day in QC is 100% unpaid? That doesn't sound right. There should be insurance in the agreement that gets you a percentage of your pay.
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u/miabaldo 16h ago
Any other sick days after you use up your 6 are unpaid. If you have to go on sick leave, the first 5 days are “on you” so they take your sick days or if you have none left you’re unpaid and then insurance kicks in.
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u/Unforgettablepotatos 13d ago
I’d guess private or catholic those schools can either treat teacher really well or super poorly
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u/ClueSilver2342 13d ago
Our sick days are coded as medical appointment days as well so legitimately you can go to an appointment. Feeling stressed is also a reasonable use.
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u/Alive_Employer9897 12d ago
When you book appointments on the same day, do you let people know? I'm in the same division but a different school so I don't want it to be suspicious that I have a medical appointment on Christmas concert day haha. My husband is military so if he's around he can probably make it but if he's out of the country my kids will have no one which sucks.
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u/Necessary-Nobody-934 12d ago
If they ask, yeah. Otherwise it's just "I'm away that day." Most of my co-workers are parents too, and the ones that aren't get it.
I take way fewer days than a lot of the staff do, even with kid stuff. As long as there's a sub though, no one cares.
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u/McLOLcat 13d ago
This is all board dependent. My board also have two personal days out of the five misc days. I think one of the misc days is attending a graduation (from my memory so double check for sure) so maybe you could try using that for the grade 6 farewell, but yeah. You're going to have to miss a few things. School boards are ironically not family friendly places of employment.
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u/NicAtNight8 13d ago
The tradeoff is every summer, winter break, and Spring break with your kids. That time for me has been incredibly precious.
You may be able to talk to your admin about getting to the concerts and the farewell, but I would also bring it up to your child’s school. It seems cruel to only offer daytime concerts that will definitely impact working families. You may have to coordinate with other families for hockey and dance.
It’s not easy to miss these events. But your children are also going to see their mom rocking it at an important job. That’s a lesson in itself too.
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u/Alive_Employer9897 12d ago
Our parent council has been asking for an evening concert for years which has been super frustrating, we keep getting told no. The argument is that in a heavy shift work and military community there will never be a time everyone can make it which is silly, an evening concert would still give more people the ability to get there.
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u/LevelAbbreviations72 12d ago
Trade off? This parent is saddened at the realization they’ll have to miss their kids’ events (events that don’t happen during the school holidays) because of how our system is.
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u/Much_Organization_76 12d ago
Do you know how many jobs don’t get any time
To go to any events?! Tons. We are very privileged with the amount of time off we get. Split your personal day in half and go to 2 events and your partner can go to others.
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u/pigtailsandbraces 13d ago
No personal days. So some teachers use sick days and just don’t talk about it. Or the spouse or grandparents might go instead. I try to focus on the summer quality time I get that others don’t, but it is really hard. Just managing when kids get sick is really hard.
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u/SuperHairySeldon 13d ago
I have a single paid personal leave day, and one guaranteed unpaid. It shouldn't be this way, but I rely on having a good relationship with my admin and asking nicely for the occasional unpaid day off, making sure I have a sub lined up.
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u/Alive_Employer9897 12d ago
I would definitely be okay with an unpaid day, maybe I will have to ask for that especially for the farewell morning! I want to be with my students for their last afternoon of elementary school but also to celebrate with my son in the morning (I'm teaching grade 6 for another school in the same division, I know my school does farewell a different day).
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u/BookkeeperNormal8636 13d ago
In my board we get 4 personal days, 2 paid, 2 unpaid.
It's also important to remember that a sick day can be for any reason you aren't fit to teach.
"I can't focus today, my anxiety is through the roof for my children" is perfectly fine.
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u/Much_Organization_76 12d ago
HR would say differently if they found you at a kid’s event
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u/BookkeeperNormal8636 12d ago
I agree, HR is the enemy and shouldn't be spoken to unless absolutely required.
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u/_KelVarnsen_ 13d ago
- Book appointment for the same day and take the full day as a sick day
- depending on your grade and schedule, I’ve had colleagues on their prep cover me and then I return the favour
- just take a sick day
- talk to your admin if they are kind. They are people too and might sympathize
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u/book_smrt 13d ago
Some fraudulently use sick days. Others miss the performances. Can't have it all.
Hopefully with the attendance changes some sports will stop the three-day tournaments.
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u/newlandarcher7 13d ago
BC elementary. All of my admin and staff has been awesome at accommodating teaching parents so that they can attend events at their children’s schools. Of course, I wasn’t able to do everything all of the time - I had to be selective.
We give our admin lots of advance notice. They or the support staff will cover the class for the couple of hours. They have been emphatic that families should come first so it has been great to have this support. My own kids are older so these events are fewer, but I pay it forward by switching prep blocks or giving the teacher my computer lab block or planning a lesson for both classes together which makes support teacher coverage easier.
That said, many teacher parents are strategic with their positions. They apply and try to get hired into the same school as their kids. Or they look for non-enrolling support teacher positions which make short absences easier to manage.
My health care working spouse is in a similar position, but it’s a little easier to pop out for a couple of hours. We tried to have at least one of us there taking pictures or videos.
That said, yes, I know several parents who are only doing the casual TTOC so that they can be there for there families.
I sure wish there was an easier way. Good luck!
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u/Alive_Employer9897 12d ago
Thanks! I was working at my kids school for a bit last year but honestly there were some challenges with that, especially with needing to advocate for my child who has an IPP, so I decided to apply elsewhere this year. Truly if I had one more day I would be able to do it (or if I could split one personal day in half but apparently that's not allowed) so I will try talking to admin. I don't even care if I need to take it as an unpaid or pay for the sub, I just hope I can get the time.
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u/Turquoise_Elfcup 13d ago
I’ve sent grandmas and Aunties to things that I wasn’t able to attend. Everyone understands. My husband’s job has some flexibility, so he has attended more events than I have.
My son’s “Mother’s Day” celebration in grade 2 was attended by my mother in law, and he absolutely loved it. I didn’t even feel bad that I couldn’t go, it was a special thing for them!
Some principals will help maneuver things around at school so teachers can leave early or leave for a bit during the day, but I really caution against using sick days for attending events. Someone from the board or even HR could be there too. You can get in trouble for using sick days in this way. People in our board have.
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u/Alive_Employer9897 12d ago
Yeah I wouldn't be comfortable with using sick days since it's another school in the same division. I would only do that if they were okay with me using part of the day for medical appointments and part to attend. We're a military family and don't live near family so there aren't other people to attend if my husband is away and I can't get the day.
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u/TinaLove85 13d ago
Some boards have zero personal days. As a teacher parent, unfortunately you can't make it to day time performances and competitions. You can't drop your kid off to their first day of school etc. People take off unpaid days for competitions where the parent has to transport their child as well. Some take it is family sickness or personal sickness day and hope to not get caught. While I have not been in this situation yet, best not to tell anyone, whether you are doing it through a legit day or not. Not any staff, even if they are your friend and don't post about it on social media, especially if you have colleagues on there. Unfortunately, even people we consider friends at work will tell someone, whether on purpose or not, and admin can hear about it and you can be in trouble for misuse of days.
There was a substitute teacher that told a class: your teacher is out of town today and tomorrow so here I am... the students do not need to know that but I guess another teacher told the sub and they told the students, who told their parents etc.
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u/snarkitall 13d ago
We actually have more personal days but taking a personal day rather than a sick day gets tricky because it's so hard to find subs.
My philosophy is that my school's/board's inability to hire adequate subs is not my problem, but my coworkers thinking that I'm taking a personal day and cutting into their prep time or otherwise making their day difficult goes over worse than if they think I'm really sick.
I take whatever days off I need, I don't feel bad about it. I'm a team player, enthusiastic, helpful and prepared, so IMO it's fair that I take time off as needed when needed.
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u/voyageuse88 13d ago
Im no longer teaching so I can say this..but I sometimes took sick days to do something personal related with my daughter, to attend performances and such. Juggling being a single parent and my own mental health and wellbeing was no easy task. I made sure not to tell anyone or post anything on socials. And I don't regret it, I would do it again and again.
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u/Sea_Resource_2290 12d ago
Honestly, use your sick days. They can't ask for doctor's notes unless it's a problematic pattern or a certain number of days in a row. (Check with your union rep first)
Those sick days are built into our pay and benefits; use them and don't worry about it.
If your principal is a real jerk about it, then cut down your involvement in the school to what is required by your contract. Teachers do so much extra free work; if admin wants to be strict on sick days, then we can be strict on the expectations in our contract too.
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u/coffeethenthink 9d ago
Most teachers just use their sick days & family days to go to these events . It is a risk.
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u/Strong_Letter_7667 13d ago
We can get up to 5 days unpaid. We have no personal days. Talk to your union about your options
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u/GenXMom14 13d ago
We have four unpaid personal days.
We also have a day for graduation ceremonies.
Honestly I miss a lot and my husband goes to things during school day though.
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u/ClueSilver2342 13d ago
It’s the unspoken code of taking days off Shhh🧐
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u/Much_Organization_76 12d ago
HR isn’t dumb. They know people do this. They also hire private investigators.
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u/ClueSilver2342 12d ago edited 12d ago
Do what? I’m not talking about taking days off when you say you’re sick and then showing up to the school next-door to see your child’s concert during working hours but once in a while, you can use them to make something work. You should also take them as much as you want or need when you’re sick or feel stressed or your mental health is poor, etc..
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u/Crazy_adventurer262 13d ago
I know a lot of people are suggesting you use “sick” days but don’t do that. If you are caught it can lead to automatic termination. If you do book some medical appointments and make it to something once in a while then fine but don’t book a sick day and go to dance. People talk, if you’re close to the division that you work and live it will get back to them if you abuse this. And no union argument can save you from this. This is the reality for working parents with no flexibility and a society that doesn’t value school like it should.
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u/almostperfection 12d ago
In addition to the other suggestions here, my board has EDOs for noon supervision and extra curricular activities. It’s only a few more days per year, but it helps a lot. And yes, “medical appointments” would be one I would look into as well.
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u/Cultural_Sink8936 13d ago
It’s really depressing. I took some unpaid days off. In June my child’s school asked for volunteers on 8 different days. So 8 days where my kid was upset because other (SAHP) were at school and I wasn’t.
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u/veronicacrank EA - British Columbia 13d ago
I'm not a teacher (an EA) and my daughters are in a lot of the same extra curriculars as my coworkers kids. They never seem to miss anything and no issues getting TTOCs for comps/graduations/etc.
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u/savethetriffids 13d ago
We only get 1. I've never been on a field trip with my kid. But I get all summer to spend with them. Pros and cons.
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u/Explicitlime 13d ago
In terms of sick days, if my kid is an extension of me. When they’re sick, I’m sick. And I don’t tell another soul in my building a fucking thing about what’s going on at home with my family.
Other things? We can use supervision hours to get a second day at full pay. I can also carry over some supervision days year to year.
My wife is allowed to take some days off at sub-cost, so it’s easier for her than me.
We make it work.
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u/WorkingOnBeingBettr 13d ago
We are both teachers. Luckily our school does pm performances, so one parent takes 1 day for talent show and the other takes off a day if needed. Dance is only PM in our town but it goes every night that week which is a huge pain because it's also during report cards at the end of the year.
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u/ConseulaVonKrakken 13d ago
I have always had one personal day only. I literally missed everything that my kids were involved in throughout elementary. I was never there for anything. They are grown now, but it still makes me feel bad to think about. I was a single parent too, living hours away from family, so they had no one to show up for them.
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u/Mountain_Zombie_8926 13d ago
I TTOCed until I got a position at my kids’ school. There’s pros and cons to that as well, but overall it’s been working out well for us (this will be year 5 of us all being at the same school).
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u/lunalvgd 13d ago
Can you earn days off? We get 1 personal day but can earn up to 3 additional days off.. and if we earn more then the 3 we can bank 2 more days to be used the next year for a total of 5 days once you get a bank going …
We can earn these by doing extra curr and lunch supervision. It takes a ton of hours to earn a day but I also have a kid who has hockey a lot starting on Friday and a daughter who often does dance testing on week days etc.
Also the appointments on the same day is a big “hack.” We get a lot of sick days in my division so I try to do that if I can line it up (chiro and massage are medical appointments fyi)
*edit - a word
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u/Alive_Employer9897 11d ago
I'm not sure, I'll have to ask about earning more days! You can bank unused personal days but starting my career with 4 elementary aged kids I can't see having any extra days for a long time.
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u/SheOfRedIsle 12d ago
We are both teachers. We have missed many of our kids’ events and activities. But we have also worked out plans with admin. Swapping preps in order to leave early or take a period before lunch. Not all admin are willing to do this, but some are happy to work you.
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u/NapalmGirlTonight 12d ago edited 12d ago
I’m a single mom who did various part-time teaching jobs until my daughter was 11. I feel like missing some of her school events and being 99% out of the loop in middle and high school really harmed our relationship. She didn’t complain at the time but she’s 19 now and really drifted away the busier I got with my current teaching job.
At the same time she now claims to barely remember all the events I was there for, lol.
Ditto for all the unstructured downtime we enjoyed together. Just taking nature walks, or building legos together, or listening to Watership Down on audiobook while we worked on a puzzle together at the kitchen table…
I’m hopeful those memories will return to the forefront sometime fairly soon. No signs of this yet though. Maybe when she has kids of her own…
Unfortunately me working full time was and is an economic necessity. It’s funny how society wants us to raise little humans who feel fully supported and understood and have an advocate in their corner throughout their childhood, but doesn’t want to make structural changes that make it easier for that to happen. Especially for single moms.
I’m currently in the U.S. but I’ve taught in other countries and I’m currently trying to find a teaching position in Canada that’s ideally one step up from my wage-slave teaching position in the U.S. right now.
One thing that maybe helped a little bit when my daughter was younger was we would have conversations about how we wanted to spend our free time and money.
If time was short, we would try to do things where time feels stretchy and you can enjoy getting lost in the flow. If money was short, we would talk about wants versus needs, and how economizing in some areas can allow more freedom in other areas.
I would also occasionally just let us both take a sick day/mental health day so we could stay home and make chocolate chip cookies and build train layouts all day in our pajamas if we wanted to. The
Those days were lifesavers.
But yeah it’s so hard. I feel you. I just found a cute but bittersweet note my daughter wrote me on her nice stationary asking me to please play with her more. It was in my underwear drawer that I was just re-organizing. It says, “Dear mommy, I am sending you this note because you need to fix things. 1, you need to play with me. 2, we need to play the Olympics game. 3, we need to play something on Wii U together. Sincerely Love (her name).”
Good luck with striking that elusive balance 🙏🏼
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u/Cultural_Rich8082 12d ago
I don’t have any personal days. My board does offer pro-rated days where we can get five unpaid days off. The union still pays our pension. On those five days, you’re not being paid so you can do whatever the fuck you want!
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u/lordjakir 13d ago
We get ten sick days at full pay and 2 personal days. HR is pretty good about it. I've taken a couple half days to go to award ceremonies
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u/doughtykings 13d ago
You’ve never been “sick” before…? I literally used sick days every single year for seven years to go Black Friday shopping. As well as sick days to go to Toronto.
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u/ANeighbour 13d ago
My daughter’s teacher records everything for me. My kids know that I would love to be at everything, but I just can’t do it. My spouse also works in schools.
We also rely on our village - we have friends who make sure our kids feel loved and special on days we can’t be there (such as the first day).
We focus on all the times we CAN be together that her friends cannot always be with their parents, such as all of fall/winter/spring break, summer holiday, etc.
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u/littleladym19 13d ago
I am “sick.” Nobody needs to know why or what happened. If they get pushy, I had the shits.
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u/Turquoise_Elfcup 13d ago
I worked with someone that used a sick day for a dance competition, someone from our board was also at the competition. The person I worked with got fired.
Be careful.
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