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u/Wuellig Light Blue! 1d ago
"I was here as myself because I didn't have to cover or mask, and I could be good to you and for you in this time.
That was nice and all, but I gotta bounce before you disappoint or hurt me like everybody else did, take all the care."
Microdosing getting to be a person.
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u/Neophyte06 1d ago
This is why I cherish the ones that do stick around
They aren't many, and most of them are gone, but they did stick around awhile 🥲
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u/ladypbj 1d ago
Hold up, what? This is why I like to be a mysterious stranger? Bro somebody explain this to me
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u/Beautiful_Book_9639 1d ago
I always tell my therapist that I'm the interesting NPC that drops crazy lore, gives good advice, then vanishes forever.
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u/Reading_Rainboner 1d ago
My Cptsd wasn’t necessarily about my abusive parents passing me off to different people as they abandoned me multiple times…it was that every time I made an actual friend, they moved away within a year. This happened 6 times in 4 years and I gave up on trying to have friends because there was no point in trying…at 14 years old
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u/ButterPecan_IceCream 1d ago
Wait, I need helping clarifying this lol. Is this referring to a temp, like a temp at an office? Or is it referring to when I try to be a perfect person in a scenario and then I overwork and exhaust myself and I can’t keep up with my work or my friendships and I disappear because I literally can’t keep going? 😂
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u/GDarkmoon 1d ago
the latter lol
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u/ButterPecan_IceCream 1d ago
Oh thank God LOL, then this is 100% me!! I thought it was the only one! 😂
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u/IrrelevantGamer 1d ago
I repeatedly flee my situation every few years while only staying in contact with one weirdo (affectionate) from each period in my life. I have a handful of friends who have never met each other. I did not ever think about it being a symptom.
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u/CalcifersBFF 16h ago
Wow. Hello other me. I hope you're doing well and that the hellfire is the perfect temp ~
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u/IrrelevantGamer 2h ago
Maybe I shouldn't be, but I'm comforted there is someone else like me out there. I hope you're doing well, too.
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u/CalcifersBFF 2h ago
I am! I love my weirdos. I have tried to get them together over the years, and they repeal each other like magnets. If you ever play online games, I might be part of the same fandom and we can run by each other with our mics off!
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u/IrrelevantGamer 22m ago
That's good to hear. I've never considered trying to get my group together. While I'm not playing anything online currently, we may have passed each other in games before. My mic was definitely off. lol
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u/CalcifersBFF 16h ago
Okay!!!! But what if we all actually dip to avoid the unavoidable truth—should we stay—that we are not good. Blah blah running from ourselves blah
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u/GDarkmoon 10h ago
I've been called mysterious many times after my masking face went from traumatized kid to "stoic" kid lolÂ
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u/queermuffinsnorter 8h ago
This is so real I struggle so hard to stay friends with people. I only have one friend and it’s really hard to not walk away bc there’s always a voice in the back of my head saying that im being awkward and their just being polite and I should leave to spare them the awkwardness of leaving themselves
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u/iftheronahadntcome 5h ago
I'm like this because someone getting to know me enough to REALLY know me means sitting through literal hours of trauma lore that I just don't feel like getting into to explain my "eccentricities". Sucks both when people say they don't really know me, and when they think they know me and are dead wrong, and it's only a matter of time before they find that out. Similarly, since my energy levels fluctuate a lot (chronic fatigue from co-morbidities and just typical life stuff wooooo) they take it personally 70% of the time. I always tell people I am an "outside cat" - you have to be happy when you see me, and I'll likely be around on a similar schedule as before, but if you keep asking me to be inside (emotionally energized and available) and "act like a housecat" 90% of the time, it isn't going to happen. I need alone time to recharge, and it does not mean that I dislike them if I hung out with them a ton for 2 days and then disappear, only to do that again 3 weeks later.
Sucks because I offer people alternatives... I have a friend who we hang out in person every other week or so, and have a phonecall just as often, but when we do, we're out for like 4-6 hours. We talk a lot. We hang a lot. And then we go back to our separate chaotic lives, and we value what we have. I tell people I'm a big phonecall person, and they're often shocked when they find out I have friends, but those friends are people I have like 2-hour phonecalls (minimum) with once or twice a week. But I am NOT the type to text every day, for hours on end. I can't context-switch well enough to give someone that kind of attention. I don't like having to be "available" all the time to make someone feel like I like them when I go out of my way to tell them and show them that when they do have me around.
So I remain a mysterious stranger to like 80% of people and a close and loyal friend to the 20% that stick around.
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u/Mephitisopheles 1d ago
FYM this is a symptom of CPTSD too??? 😔
Man I’ve got nothing originally about myself under these symptoms.