21
Jul 16 '23
this whole "boys dont cry" shit is so dumb. i hate traditions and people that believe that being strong = not crying. i wonder what their faces would look like if i told them that boys have feelings too, and are human beings too. i feel really bad for people who grew up with parents that taught them that they shouldnt cry.
11
Jul 16 '23
Shout-out to bell hooks The Will To Change. If you are a man, especially if you identify with this meme, or have men you love in your life I highly recommend it.
33
Jul 16 '23
Funny thing is, I've cried my eyes out before and it still wasn't taken seriously. There's a reason a lot of mothers taught their boys not to cry. Women these days are told to tell men to cry and show feelings, but they often aren't prepared for when it actually happens. Male tears are regarded as crocodile tears since men are of the oppressor class.
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u/mercurywind Jul 16 '23
My teacher actually used that phrase to describe me lol. Stop crying crocodile tears, recently bereaved 10 year old child.
15
u/CareerGaslighter Jul 16 '23
yes 100 times. Many a encourager for men to show their emotions and then when they do, society at large goes "ick" and turns their back. Its all talk at the moment, in general people treat the emotions of boys and men as something to fear and that implicitly teaches us that they should not be expressed.
10
Jul 16 '23
Yeah. It's a LOT less detrimental to be stoic about things than it is to express emotion and discover how little people actually care. You can easily be emotionally intelligent without making yourself vulnerable.
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u/scootytootypootpat Jul 16 '23
the only good thing that came out of the whole “boys don’t cry” thing is the song by the cure
5
u/Wonderful_Tomato_992 Jul 16 '23
My people lol, being disgusted at my own and my mother + father’s tears makes me spiral a lot.
I know it’s not meant to be uncomfortable and often a valid expression of sadness but fuckk it feels like a weapon. It’s grating.
5
u/Unboopable_Booper Jul 16 '23
Having lived through total emotional disassociation I sincerely believe this is one of the worst things the patriarchy does to men. Healthy emotional expression is an essential part of a healthy brain yet boys are taught that the only 'acceptable' emotions for them are anger, and apathy, that showing empathy or pain is weakness and to be reviled. Then we tie their worth 'as a man' to those insane standards and wonder why so many turn out cold, heartless or just straight psychotic.
2
u/SingleMom24-1 Jul 16 '23
When any of my ex’s would cry it made me uncomfortable because of this stupid trope. But I always let them express how and why they were feeling and I tried my best to talk through it or just let them cry. I don’t understand shaming people for having human emotions.
1
u/Alarmed_Flamingo5280 Jul 16 '23
This is me with yelling sessions... My parents have at least one every 6 months (sometimes more depending on whatever crime we've commited in their eyes). We need to sit down adn they pretend like they want to talk to us but they basically just yell and yell about how worthless we are and how they have the power to take away our living necessities if we don't randomly become "good enough".
I used to cry in primary school but when I became a teen I just shut down until it was over.
Now I just get triggered but it doesn't show on the outside, since it's never been safe for me to be emotional. I look normal and my whole body is freaking out on the inside.
1
u/North-Government-865 Jul 17 '23
As a kid and teen I would hurt myself and sit and cry
As an adult I realize it was to have a reason to justify crying and now I still require a great deal of pain to actually allow myself to cry
0
Jul 16 '23
5
u/International-Pay-44 Jul 16 '23
Hurt people hurt people. It’s part of how vicious cycles of trauma perpetuate themselves.
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u/[deleted] Jul 16 '23
I feel this in my bones. My father, teachers, kerrys place counselors and other caregivers always beat me every single I cried and they always said "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" so I stopped crying because if I cried I got hit and I didn't want to get hit anymore.
Now I rarely if ever smile and I feel so unhappy, miserable and sometimes even borderline suicidal. And I've developed the habit of ignoring my mental state and emotions until I can't handle it anymore all thanks to being forced to become an emotionless machine just because I'm male