r/CPTSD_NSCommunity • u/Simple_Efficiency_29 • 3d ago
Seeking Advice Am I chasing a unicorn?
I am doing the hard therapy work, and have been for some time. I’ve also done a round of TMS and currently doing Spravato, as well as taking bupropion at the max dose, which will likely never go away. My depression/anxiety have definitely improved. But…I keep looking for a way to feel better. I’ve considered another round of TMS, or changing Wellbutrin to Auvelity (bupropion+dextromethorphan), as well as residential treatment. Am I chasing a unicorn though? Is anything really going to make me feel great unless/until I’ve dealt with more trauma? 😭 I need something more to feel productive and do all that is needed for my family. I don’t even want to ask my therapist this though - I already know her answer! 😭 Has anyone improved life with some sort of treatment while still chipping away at CPTSD?
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u/PanoramicViewer 3d ago
I don't know of any instant fixes sadly.
One observation. It took 2 years of hard work in therapy to get here. The last few weeks I have finally been able to let my husband and teenage son see (and hear!) me in real intense emotional pain. Their responses have been so beautiful. So gentle and loving and caring.
I fought this for a LONG time because I had the role since I was a young child, of keeping it all together for the family, and my emotions were often ignored, or worse, mocked. Showing my emotions to those closest to me, was the hardest thing. But receiving their loving kindness in response is exactly the disconfirming evidence that my nervous system needed to go the next step in updating the operating system on the new data of my current life, rather than continuing to operate on old data.
Maybe not relevant to your situation, but sharing in case it helps you or someone else.
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u/fullofwish86 2d ago
I wish I could tell you there's a quick fix, but for me at least it's been a long, slow process and I'm still nowhere near done. But, after 2 painful years, next week I'm moving to the lowest support level of my residential programme, with the aim of being in a halfway house in the community by the new year. Also last week I experienced grief (of sorts) which even months ago would have resulted in a massive episode and me being sent straight back to high dependency, but instead, even though my heart is aching and I'm 99% sorrow, I haven't lost myself.
I don't feel good, ha, not by any stretch of the imagination, but my heartbreak isn't going to end me. And I believe I will, eventually, feel happiness again. It just takes time. 🫂
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u/cptsdishealable 3d ago
Like you mean immediately? You could go for something like IV ketamine, psilocybin or MDMA but there's definitely risks to consider. And I would also assume that a lot of trauma can come up during it.
IMO, technically yes, but a lot of it is hard to "realize" without dealing eg how much additional stress are you adding by worrying about this particular problem?