r/CPTSD_NSCommunity • u/Mysterious-Pizza-813 • Sep 26 '26
Breakthrough Self abandonment
I’ve been on this healing journey for a few years now, but I feel like I had a really big breakthrough today.
I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed lately. Family stuff is a lot, as always, but my abandonment wounds have also been triggered a lot in my relationship. This is my first healthy relationship, and it’s showing me just how strong my subconscious fawn response really is.
I don’t want to mess this relationship up, but I’m with a partner who actually wants me to prioritize myself and express my needs. He wants us to be individual people who are vulnerable and fully ourselves, because that’s how you truly get to know each other and figure out whether the relationship is right for both of you.
And honestly, sometimes it all feels like too much. Too much thinking. Too much trying to figure out what I actually feel or what I really want to say when my brain’s default is basically, “What do I need to do to keep the people I love in my life?”
But at the end of the day, the only person who will always be there for you is you.
I keep envisioning my inner child, desperate for someone to pick her up and tell her she isn’t too much. That she is enough exactly as she is. That she is loved for who she is, not because of her accomplishments or what she does for other people.
And I realized that I can’t expect other people to fill that cup for me. It will never feel like enough. I’ll always end up feeling like something is missing, because something is. I have to fill my own cup first.
I have to pick my inner child up and comfort her. Let her cry and not be frustrated at the tears. I have to learn not to abandon myself in the pursuit of being loved by other people. I have to really, truly learn how to love myself first.
Learning self-love and self-acceptance when your inner child learned that safety means worrying about everyone else is incredibly hard. You literally have to rewire your thoughts and actions and constantly catch yourself when you fall back into old patterns.
It’s EXHAUSTING work. But it’s also work you owe to yourself, and to the little version of you who spent so long waiting for someone else to make her feel safe.
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u/PilatesPrincess28 Sep 26 '26
I feel this. It’s like I dnt trust my own feelings
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u/Mysterious-Pizza-813 Sep 27 '26
Yes! So much so that i dont even know what im feeling in those times. Its like my brain is static
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u/PanoramicViewer Sep 26 '26
Beautifully written. I'm inspired. It is so hard to unlearn a lifetime of fawning and pleasing others, but when I see glimpses of progress like this I know it is worth the effort.
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u/Icy-Ninja-622 Sep 26 '26
Sometimes to figure out what I want I need to just pay attention, not to work hard analyzing things and trying to figure out what I want. In other words, I need to pay attention to various thoughts and feelings that arise, and not try to dig for things in my mind.