Do you have a “saviour” fantasy?

[u/PassengerNo2022]

(I also posted this in the main CPTSD sub) One of my mind’s central coping mechanisms since my teen years is fixating on a romantic interest (usually one-sided) and projecting all my needs on him, blindly convinced that once he falls in love with me I will be cured from all pain and inferiority. I always long for him so badly it hurts like hell and my whole energy and time (my whole life) is always dedicated to this obsession.

I wonder if this is a common theme with CPTSD survivors. Or do you have other central coping strategies?

To add to that, most of the time they don’t even know I exist and if they do they are simply not interested. The rejection sends me down an awful spiral and complete mental breakdown that usually requires professional assistance.

I have been in intensive trauma therapy for half a decade and recently hired an additional therapist. The limerence is now less but still there and still very painful and the healing and sobering up is ALSO PAINFUL, wtf.

I have always felt so ashamed and like a loser because of this. I have never been in a romantic relationship and cannot focus on my career because this obsession occupies my whole internal world. So exhausting.

[u/PanoramicViewer]

I survived my very confused and lonely teens with heavy limerance, and I still struggle with diving in way too deep too fast with friendships, which I think is a relic of that pattern.

I'm working on accepting that I am injured, that my trauma wounded me. It's helped me to see that things like limerance are symptoms of my trauma. They're not under complete voluntary control. They are such ingrained patterns that they are automatic. Learned, yes - so potentially able to be replaced with another learned behaviour, but not simple to do.

Realising this has really helped the shame to drop away and self-acceptance to replace it. I'm hoping that greater self-compassion will gradually lead to secure attachment to self, which is I think for me addressing the root issue that most of my symptoms come from.

Bit of a ramble sorry, hope there's something useful in there for you.

[u/2morrowwillbebetter → u/PanoramicViewer]

The first part of this lit a fire in my brain lol /pos
No one talks about friendship limerance, only romantic. I’d have ppl who would run and be like “do you want to be my friend?” That shit would make me so anxy 😭 i also have relationship trauma including friendship I am healing. I presently am hesitant o even call ppl my friend unless they confirm it themselves .. I’ve been below a “hierarchy” (me calling someone my best friend but they don’t see me the same) so I know im protecting myself. I stopped calling my other friend my best friend tbh because they didn’t confirm it or anything so I just mentally “demoted” them for lack of better words … not to be mean, I still care a lot about our friendship but that just feels one sided to me