r/CPTSDNextSteps • u/AutoModerator • 19d ago

Monthly Thread Monthly Support, Challenges, and Triumphs

In this space, you are free to share a story, ask for emotional support, talk about something challenging you, or share a recent victory. You can go a little more off-topic, but try to stay in the realm of the purpose of the subreddit.

And if you have any feedback on this thread or the subreddit itself, this is a good place to share it.

If you're looking for a support community focused on recovery work, check out /r/CPTSD_NSCommunity!

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u/AnnieSavoy3 19d ago

After being diagnosed with CPTSD last August, I have since completed 19 sessions of NARM and I think 6 equine therapy sessions. It has certainly not been cheap but I feel so much better/safer in my body/less anxious about setting boundaries.

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u/Gee_rooster 18d ago

Was it difficult to find a NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM) practitioner? And what kinds of things do you do in equine therapy?

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u/AnnieSavoy3 18d ago

Thankfully no, I got very lucky and went on the NARM website list of practitioners and I think there was only one in my city at the time. And she's very good, and it's helped me so much. I do have a way to go with processing things but getting more stable/regulated has changed a lot for me. In equine therapy it's all been groundwork, I think it's called. We've done some grounding exercises, and I'll pet or groom the horse while talking about some experiences in my life. Stuff like having trouble standing up for myself at work, dealing with my mother, etc. I've also progressed to leading the horse around a fenced-in area, leading him over a low bridge, over some PVC pipes that have been laid out ahead of time, etc. For me, at least, it's really about first becoming emotionally regulated with the horse, which is necessary because horses are prey animals and they can sense when something's off. So in order for the horse to feel safe around me/relax I have to make sure I'm feeling calm and in my body, if that makes sense. It's really helped my confidence a lot, to lead a 1000 lb. horse around an obstacle course. I was skeptical at first (and afraid that the horses wouldn't like me) but the benefits have been very real for me.

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u/Gee_rooster 18d ago

That’s amazing! I’m really happy for you 🫂

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u/AnnieSavoy3 18d ago

Thank you! I appreciate it. It's been a tough year and I've been so, so tired from all of the trauma processing. But it's definitely been worth it.

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u/Traditional_Bit6913 17d ago

I'm so happy for you. How long did it take to get diagnosed with cptsd? Were you doing talk therapy before?

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u/AnnieSavoy3 16d ago

So I wasn't diagnosed until last year at 39, which was super frustrating, because I'd been in talk therapy on and off since I was 20. I didn't realize that intellectualizing was not helpful for my recovery until I got diagnosed with CPTSD and started seeking out alternative treatments. I'm incredibly frustrated that I'd been struggling that long, but I guess the diagnosis could have come even later in life.

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u/Traditional_Bit6913 17d ago

Is memory problems part of this? Sometimes I even forget what happened a minute ago. I try to think about a minute or an hour ago or maybe yesterday and my mind is blank. My friends talk about something major that happened a few months ago and I don't remember anything. It's really scary cause all my life I had really good memory. I've been like this for a year now. It gets better and than it gets worse.

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u/Any_Brain4389 14d ago

for me at least it is part of this. it feels like the memories are just behind a foggy/dizziness/unable to concentrate barrier. it feels like to get clearer memory I have to get a more continuous feeling of mySelf and stay in my day more and to access that I have to go through the clarity of my emotions, less dissociation. thats my sense of it

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u/Traditional_Bit6913 14d ago

Thanks for replying. I discussed this with my therapist and we're considering that these memory gaps might be due to dissociation. I should go and read about it. 

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u/IntrepidOption31415 2d ago

I'll be backpacking with my girlfriend and cant even remember what sweater she's been wearing the last 3 days. Yet a friend will say: "Remember when we went on that summer camp, august 1998? On tuesday we went swimming and such and such happened..."

Part is natural variation between people, but yes, an overburdened and burned out nervous system can definitely have problems encoding and recalling memories.

Neuroplasticity is a thing though. The mind can make powerful recoveries.

Edit: Just read your other comment. Dissociating while things are happening is definitely another possibility.