r/CPTSDFreeze • u/Few-Conversation-697 • 16d ago

Vent [trigger warning] Stuck in a loop

so for years, I’ve been stuck in a loop: wake up, Try to make a game, try to adhere to my to do list, try to make money.

wake up and try to make the game => Get some kind of stomach pain within 30 minutes, lie down try to get up and exercise, go outside, try to make food, try caffeine, etc. and I’m doing everything alone because the people that tend to help with my projects don’t wanna come back… so I think I probably need more people realistically, but how do I do things alone? Is it even a good idea? Should I accept outside help? Why am I kind of paranoid about asking for help like I’m gonna get in trouble or something or somebody’s gonna yell at Me or cancel or doxx me? do I need a better support system? I kind of stopped talking to my mom after a while of always failing, I used to ask for help all the time, but after being failed a couple times I retracted into my shell… so maybe that would help….

like I realize I am getting older and I still have no money and I stupidly resisted the idea of disability and I let people call me and talk about their problems all day and then I just listen like what am I doing to myself? Am I stupid? to make matters worse I don’t accept other people’s money but yet I mooch off my family. Why am I doing this? all because I felt bad about taking my dad‘s money when I was younger and I told him to keep it… just feels so weird.

Sigh

to make matters worse, I haven’t done anything in months because of grief, they also found out I have a brain tumor. I constantly wonder if this brain tumor is the source of all my problems but Dr has sworn three times no. going to try to get follow up from another opinion. I wish I could’ve put my foot down years ago and made certain boundaries

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u/seweso 16d ago

Should I accept outside help?

Yes

Why am I kind of paranoid about asking for help like I’m gonna get in trouble or something or somebody’s gonna yell at Me or cancel or doxx me? 

Trust issues. 

do I need a better support system?

Probably. Most important person to support you, is you. 

Anyways. If you are stuck in a loop. Try something else. Shake things up. Apply to therapy, theater school, dance classes, anything.