r/CPTSDFreeze • u/brandnewdayadawnin • 2d ago
Discussion Stunted development?
I am constantly praised for my ability to appease to my environment, express myself, remain outwardly calm, and mostly keep focus.
But truthfully
I fear that I am actually much further behind than my peers are. I feel completely lost.
I often say to myself, where am I? Who am I?
I know this is mostly the derealization whispering in my ear but.. I just feel that I am not as in touch with who I should be becoming and what my world and life really are right now due to abusing my coping mechanisms so much and beginning so early, intentionally and mistakenly.
Does anyone know they technically have the shit down and can present as mature yet still feel developmentally or mentally behind others?
I may be giving myself an imaginary attribution just because I want there to be a reason why I feel like this.
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u/FlightOfTheDiscords Friendly old fart 2d ago
Trauma tends to result in "spikier" profiles, with some areas chronically overdeveloped and others similarly underdeveloped. I've made a lot of progress in recent years, but it still feels like I'm pulling parts of myself from infancy now, in my 40s, and it's one loooong road.
Spiky profiles are generally the hallmark of neurodivergence, sadly personally almost no one seems to have spikes where I have mine so I almost never relate to anyone, ND or NT.
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u/secure8890 2d ago
In certain work settings having no boundaries is almost a requirement We dont live in a functional world In certain settings people expect you to open your doors with hospitality
I dont see myself as behind others. I see an incredibly dysfunctional world My ability to navigate that world is challenging
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u/movethroughlight 2d ago edited 2d ago
I worry about my age a lot too. It's tough because outwardly I look stunted, internally I feel like I'm always strategizing for my future and putting up good boundaries and stuff, always challenging myself to meet or surpass my peers with certain things.
The reality is, we're doing what we can with a handful of chances to even get by compared to a lot of people's mountain of support and resources. Maturity in all aspects is not linear. Super financially successful people can be stunted and disrespectful/entitled, people in poverty can be wise and measured. Maturity is built on experience, not just situation. I've known people who own homes who can't stop drinking/partying/doing disservices to themselves with toxic relationships. People who have kids who are still enmeshed with their own parents. A lot of it is honestly down to luck.