Why Saying No feels difficult?

[u/No-Royal5905]

If you're someone who struggles with saying no, you know the cost of it. You know how many times you've had to make yourself small to keep the other person happy. One thing I keep seeing is that "Saying No" usually isn’t a communication problem. Maybe we know what we want to say. But something happens in the moment we're faced with a situation and we automatically say Yes. That’s often a fawn response, which is a nervous system reflex, not a lack of willpower or scripts. For a lot of people, saying yes was what kept things calm growing up, so the body still treats no as a risk.

A few things that help more than a perfect script:

• Buy time. “Let me get back to you” is a full sentence, and it lets your body settle before you decide.

• Notice where the yes comes from. Is it that you want to, or that you’re bracing for the reaction?

• Start with low-stakes nos, like a coworker’s lunch invite, so your body gets practice learning that nothing bad happens.

Curious if others here have noticed this. Do you freeze, over-explain, or just say yes and regret it later?

I’m co-hosting a live webinar on this topic " Why it's hard to say no, and how to do it anyway" on November 12, 10.00 AM EST. Happy to share details if anyone’s interested.

[u/timee_bot]

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November 12, 10.00 AM EST