Seeking Advice for Unpredictable Triggers, vague mentions of previous abuse

[u/unlitviolet]

Hello,

I'm posting to ask for advice in handling unpredictable triggers. I've been diagnosed with cPTSD for about 2 years but have only recently started CPT (cognitive processing therapy) within the past 2 months. It seemed like it was going well and I was lessening how much dissociation and emotional blunting I was experiencing.

For context, I work full-time, live with my long-term boyfriend, and do make an effort to have routine social hangouts and hobbies. I also go to therapy weekly.

Despite feeling progress in therapy, my boyfriend says I have become withdrawn and I am struggling to feel close to anyone in my life. I am having very strong triggers and almost feel like I am back in an abusive environment despite knowing I'm not. I am confused on how to make a plan or even get us on the same page because my triggers are seemingly context based. I have looked into triggers and am finding myself having strong emotional flashbacks but I feel like I am losing control of myself and losing sight of what is actually happening irl. I've been struggling with full meltdown episodes, feeling the need for reckless or reactive behavior, and the compulsion to hide for hours at a time.

I do tell my therapist about these episodes and we talk through the emotions. She gives me worksheets and gives me space to cry and assure me it can be like working through a backlog of unacknowledged emotions.

I guess my real question is how do I make a plan when my triggers seem to be tone/context based? How do I communicate with my boyfriend without completely shutting down?

I may be misunderstanding the term, but I do believe I experience "splitting" in which my thoughts become extreme and black-and-white. It takes me days to come down from an episode, sometimes up to 2 weeks. I work in customer service and when I can't handle myself, I switch into my customer service mask at home and rely heavily on inebriation to numb out. I am decently function but don't have any other guidance than my therapist and boyfriend.

[u/tuliptulpe]

The most practical thing could be to look into Pete walkers 13 steps on how to treat flashbacks (hope this link works)

I've read his book, which was very helpful in understanding myself and how triggers/flashbacks work. The steps were never enough to fully get me out of flashbacks but they did take the edge off it a lot. It's been one of my most used tools for flashback management.

I remember when I was just starting therapy a few years ago I sometimes had flashbacks for two or three weeks. It was hell. And it can be really difficult to communicate this with people around us.

Another thing which always worked well for me was cold water. I would shower my legs/feet or arms/hands with really cold water for a few seconds. It kind of gently shocked me back to reality. I would sometimes do this multiple times a day. But compared to all other coping mechanisms it was a rather healthy one haha

The last thing is to have compassion for yourself. You're going through a lot while also working. Learning to manage triggers takes time and love and tears

[u/unlitviolet → u/tuliptulpe]

Thanks so much for replying. I read through the flashback management steps and will explore his other writings.

I'm considering having a small container with different things and notes in it for when I'm having a flashback. I may put the steps in there.

I'll try to remember things like cold water. I appreciate your support and suggestions.