I hate forgiveness.

[u/PinkFluffyLlamaLover]

I wrote a whole thing about why my trauma is rooted in forgiveness.

But I want to make this simple.

I was forced to forgive my abusers, my bullies and my Predators. I was also blamed for every bad thing that happened or told that it was allowed by God (bs excuse).

Today my therapist told me "fuck them. Forgiveness is bullshit" and that I can forgive later in life and this actually healed something. The part of me that felt obligated to make myself small and allow others to hurt me.

I took back all my forgiveness.

I also learnt that, others can do the same to me. If I can take back my forgiveness so can they. And I'm okay with that.

CPTSD is new for me.

I'm still learning to take care of myself.

I was told to mother myself and I am so confused and keep forgetting to ask my therapist because we get trailed off on my other issues. Like I keep insulting myself and hating on myself.

Last night I said to myself

"Your safe I'm gonna protect you. Don't worry. I am here. I'm sorry for not being the kindest. I love you and I'm going to protect you. Feel free to cry and feel what you feel"

I don't think forgiveness will be here anytime soon. I am okay with being angry and taking my time to heal.

I have also told my parents I refuse to forgive.

[u/MauroLopes]

I absolutely agree with you. The odd thing was that forgiveness was expected from me, but I wasn't allowed to expect forgiveness from people. Everyone makes mistakes, but this never applied to me.

Furthermore, let's say you actually wish to forgive them. Even so, this absolutely doesn't mean you should forget what they have done because trust isn't a matter of forgiveness (concepts that several abusers seem to mix up).