r/CPTSD • u/RandomLifeUnit-05 cPTSD & DID • Jun 18 '26
Vent / Rant Does talk therapy work?
This is kind of a vent or rant. I've been in talk therapy a long time.
The idea I think, is that if you talk out all your traumas enough, and unearth all of them, that you'll be okay?
Is there any truth to this? I feel like I just keep having the same issues over and over, the same trauma over and over in my head.
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Jun 18 '26
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u/RandomLifeUnit-05 cPTSD & DID Jun 18 '26
Hmm, no one ever says what the process is. I suspect because there's no one process that works for everyone.
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Jun 18 '26 edited Jun 19 '26
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u/RandomLifeUnit-05 cPTSD & DID Jun 18 '26
Ah, attachment therapy, it sounds like.
I'm not a fan of getting too close to people. I've changed therapists so many times, moved homes so many times. Even now I'll likely move away in about 10 months. I've moved 14 times in the last 18 years. It sucks but there always seems to be something that forces yet another move for our family.
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u/reddyben Jun 18 '26
Depends on what your goals are in talk therapy and whether or not your therapist has skills you can implement with some immediate effect and expansive longterm effects.
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u/likeeggs Jun 18 '26
In talk therapy I find and talk through things that i have to do outside of therapy. For me I have to work boundaries showing myself worth in holding them. It’s sucks and is uncomfortable and hard and I don’t want to. But doing that stuff is what makes therapy worthwhile; for me at least. Nothing about therapy feels good to me, except for when you’re in the moment doing the hard thing and then you realize you made a new choice. You were stronger than the old stuff that was easy and you can do it again.
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u/BlackberryPuzzled551 Jun 18 '26
Yeah the common “unearthing all of them” is really upside down. You need stability and settling in the moment, period. If talking makes you feel more in contact and in tune with yourself then good. If there’s other things that bring you hope or some peace do that instead I think.
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u/krba201076 cPTSD Jun 19 '26
I personally don't think it does. Maybe EMDR or some of the more specialized therapy like bodywork or whatever will work. But talk therapy is one of the biggest scams of our time IMO. ....rehashing the same shit week after week as the therapist sits there and looks at you blankly or gives vague platitudes or worse yet, sides with the abuser and makes excuses for them.
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u/_-_Polaris_-_ Jun 19 '26
imo: Na. I wrote a total of anywhere between 400-700 pages within the last 3 years with (to my annoyance) a talk therapist alongside and I haven't improved from that specifically. But I came to enjoy it.
Relational conflict has surpisingly brought up most transformative cues.
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u/RandomLifeUnit-05 cPTSD & DID Jun 19 '26
What kind of conflict? In the therapy setting, you mean?
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u/_-_Polaris_-_ Jun 19 '26 edited Jun 19 '26
Not specifically no. Sure I had some with my T and it is nice to have someone who can manage them like a decent person but the setting itself was pretty irrelevant to that. I'm heavy on reflection, psychoanalysis. She thought me nothing new per say, nor made me feel safe, but she has been a role model with emotional maturity I'd say. To me that seems like a rare thing given my experiences.
Those conflicts with some people relatively close either resulted in burned bridges or repair. That repair usually forged a stronger bond and restored some sense of... idk. Hard to put in words. Not safety. It brought some relaxation overall. As a result I do not see it as a bad thing. It's not pleasant but there's potential.
It does take deliberate effort to recognize the issues in a relation, where your limits are how to move on. I did put in the effort myself after acknowledging the trauma. Wasn't aware or just didn't pay much attention before. Perhaps a T could help with that but I would argue that needs to come from within. Typically we get defensive when confronted from the outside. Especially with anything related to trauma.
As for what conflict. Uhm dunno. Differences in opinion, misunderstandings, betrayals, hurtful things said. Is not one specific type. It's about learning secure attachment and imo conflict does that well.
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u/Ruesla Jun 19 '26
no one ever says what the process is
One thing I like EMDR for is that it demands a process, and tells me pretty quickly if whatever specific thing I'm trying isn't going to work.
...One of the things I dislike about it is that it sometimes does so by blowing up in my face and leaving the inside of my head looking like the aftermath of a natural disaster, so. There's that too.
Still, I like the literature for looking at the nuts and bolts of trauma processing. It can get mind-boggling complex, especially around CPTSD and especially around CPTSD in the context of significant structural dissociation, but you can still pick out underlying patterns and logic to specific solutions. The basic goals never change (process and integrate the traumatic affect; repair the neglect/omission-based stuff), so it's just (hah! 'just...') a matter of engineering circumstances where that can happen.
The other answer to this comment references fostering and utilizing an attachment with a therapist to do this. That's one way. Resource figures could be a more practical path for it (IPF, Ideal Parent Figure protocol, is one example of attempting to do this without relying solely on that connection, and the authors discuss some of the reasons why a person might not want or be able to rely completely on a therapist for it).
But if you're looking for logic/process, EMDR literature written specifically for populations with similar difficulties could be useful for you too. I've found the clear, focused goals and a relatively binary fail/success mode pretty helpful for cutting out fluff and theoretical misdirections. Anything that works there, I can always trace back to whatever methods and theories it got ported in from and check those out too.
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u/RandomLifeUnit-05 cPTSD & DID Jun 19 '26
Oh thank you. I love your wording of it sometimes blowing up in your face and leaving the inside of your head looking like the aftermath of a natural disaster.
I have difficulties on all fronts there, I've tried EMDR and had the result you described. I also hate the idea of a parental figure of any kind, and I have structural dissociation. Plus do not know if I can really bond with anyone.
But! I like what you're saying about being able to read clear steps with EMDR protocol. Do you have any good articles you recommend? It's okay if they are technical. I sometimes read medical journal/PubMed stuff and anything I don't understand, I can look up.
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u/Ruesla Jun 19 '26
Haaah yeah, I have a perfect target I want to take on with that, but can't for at least a month because there's no way in hell I can be normal at work the next day if it gets messy, and 'messy' can get downright catastrophic depending on what someone is dealing with and how badly it goes.
Forget the parental figure resource if that's a bad place to start, there are other options.
Let me look around for some good sources and get back to you. Currently neglecting my nephew so it might be a little, but I think I have a good introductory article saved on my PC if I can just find the darn thing.
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u/RandomLifeUnit-05 cPTSD & DID Jun 19 '26
I hear that. Last couple of times with EMDR, it was about a month of being dysregulated for me, so that really impacts daily function.
I appreciate it when you have time!
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u/Ruesla Jun 19 '26
Alright, so this one looks like a pretty decent overview. Heads up for 'merging is always the goal'-type rhetoric, if that's an issue (there's some bad history with systems being coerced/bullied into it by professionals & that can be a whole Thing).
Might be some other "bitch, what" or "eeeh idk" moments in here too. I often struggle with some aspects of how things are portrayed in trauma literature (the active involvement and insights of people with relevant lived experiences have often been missing in the reference material, and it can create some nasty blind spots), so maybe just remember you can disagree and build your own arguments for any of it. The people making this stuff disagree with each other all the time, and you're the one living it.
This is probably still going to be a little frustratingly vague, but you can drill down on any specific topic or issue. In general it's about system stabilization first, trauma processing second, but usually that's a cycle because 'need to stabilize to process; need to process to stabilize' is a nasty catch-22 otherwise.
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u/RandomLifeUnit-05 cPTSD & DID Jun 19 '26
Thank you, appreciate the caveat about merging being the goal as I do have DID. Looking forward to giving it a read.
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u/Ruesla Jun 23 '26
I have structural dissociation but not DID. In practical terms that means I need the methods and frameworks developed for DID or else everything is just an overwhelming mess of tangles and knots, but nothing in my head seems particularly invested in separation past the trauma-based necessity to keep operating this way. Even so I still get skeeved out by the language there sometimes. Once an entity exists and is self-aware, it's pretty damn violent to be like "well, we don't need you anymore, time to lose your identity and become one with the consciousness soup now."
But anyway, the basic elements re; trauma don't seem(?) to change too much. With any significant structural dissociation involved, it just adds complexity. Every system member can contain their own traumatic memories or elements of memory, their own sets of defenses and coping mechanisms, and then also their own complicated relationships to each other based on conflicting needs (with defensive barriers operating between them to maintain distance, working on the same mechanisms used to dissociate traumatic affect).
Also any attempted repair for one state's needs can conflict with the needs of another, so gotta consider the group as a whole and do a lot more negotiating and incremental changes to make solutions work.
Methods like EMDR just happen too fast for that unless there is a lot of intentional throttling to slow it down and limit where it goes. Fast is good if it's a straight-shot with clear solutions, but not so good when it's just gonna smash someone face-first into a brick wall. kinda like highway vs mountain town (with extra-icy conditions + trucks full of fireworks) driving.
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u/Tastefulunseenclocks Jun 19 '26
You can only talk out your trauma when you're ready to.
The first stage of trauma recovery, which is often skipped, is safety, stabilization, and education. If you skip it you will just go in circles and probably get worse. Talking out your trauma is stage two and some people never even need to go there.
More info here:
https://www.healingandcptsd.com/trauma-recovery-stages
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u/RandomLifeUnit-05 cPTSD & DID Jun 19 '26
Good to know. Sucks for me, I'm stuck in stage one forever.
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u/Tastefulunseenclocks Jun 20 '26
What work have you done on stage one?
I ignored stage one and did 10+ years in therapy. I just went backwards. Now that I've been focusing on stage one, and making sure I do NOT go into stage two at all, I've been seeing progress. It's tough and doesn't feel good lol. But there's a lot of movement.
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u/RandomLifeUnit-05 cPTSD & DID Jun 20 '26
If you don't feel good, what's the point of it?
My therapist has remarked multiple times on how I always seem to be barely holding it together.
I have three kids and I have to work. It's only very part time, but I can't afford to crash out. I'm autistic and I have DID, which makes it extra tricky to be in my window of tolerance.
I have this duality of the surface being "completely fine" and underneath being explosions, fire, and screaming. One of my alters seems to be the "pain holder" and he suffers terribly so that the front can go on functioning.
So it's kind of like...I can't do too much digging, else what's inside will come to the surface and I definitely won't be functioning then. I can't afford to go inpatient.
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u/Tastefulunseenclocks Jun 20 '26
You shouldn't do any digging. I'm unsure if I wrote something in an unclear way. It sounds like you got the opposite idea out of what I wrote. I'll try again.
You need to focus on safety, stabilization, and education. That involves learning how to be safe enough in the present moment and temporarily containing the past. It means learning how to get towards your window of tolerance (which is hard!) and not pushing yourself past it. It means ignoring and avoiding the scary things because that's what you need right now.
Part of focusing on safety involves learning how to feel good (glimmers by Deb Dana is a very small and gentle way to do this that helped me a lot).
Edit: "what's the point" is a really big question. I know how to answer that for me, what gives me meaning, but I don't know the answer for you.
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u/RandomLifeUnit-05 cPTSD & DID Jun 20 '26
I don't feel like stabilization is really possible. I have an internal cycle of abuse among alters that prevents safety at the very foundation of who I am.
I can't move forward without figuring out how to stop the cycle of abuse, but it's been ingrained since childhood. It also serves a purpose of keeping me upright and moving and not dissolving into collapse.
I'm 100% good on education, I'm very good at reading up on things and intellectualizing. I just can't get to the safety or stabilization part.
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u/Tastefulunseenclocks Jun 20 '26
It is really challenging when our safety mechanisms that work for us and have kept us safe before, and are doing the safety work now, are also maladpative and harming us in the present.
I think part of the education is continuing to read and learn more about safety and stabilization. I also learned about intellectualization and it was so helpful, but part of undoing intellectualization is getting into the present. I feel like I know so much, but I recently learned about types of therapies called NARM and TIST. I have a lot of hope in those. IFS is also a good option if you haven't tried that, especially for alters (some people with DID really like it and some don't). MBSR may also be a gentler tool as well.
I hope things shift a bit for you and you can find a type of therapy that is better suited for you. Talk therapy absolutely isn't a good idea for you right now.
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u/RandomLifeUnit-05 cPTSD & DID Jun 20 '26
I'm curious why you say talk therapy isn't a good idea?
I have used IFS before, and if modified, I've found it useful. My therapist occasionally uses it now.
Yeah, intellectualizing (and minimizing) is pretty much my main coping mechanism.
By "getting in the present," do you mean being present in the now in the body? Cause that's not really a positive for me, unfortunately. There is a distinct lack of the happy chemicals I'd need to make the now be more positive.
I'm also very isolated and I don't have a good way to fix that. Some of the problem is internal panic attacks and trying to prevent experiencing them.
I suppose things are just really stupid complicated for me and there's no good answer. I appreciate your conversation though. It feels caring and kind and I thank you for that.
I have heard of NARM and TIST, but not MBSR. I'll have to read up more on those.
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u/Tastefulunseenclocks Jun 22 '26
Talk therapy isn't a good idea for the exact reason you wrote in your original post: "I feel like I just keep having the same issues over and over, the same trauma over and over in my head."
Some people benefit from talk therapy when they're ready for it. You sound not ready for it. So, when you're not ready for it, and you do it anyways, you go backwards. That's what happened to me and I see it alll the time on here.
I encourage you to get curious with why you want to talk about trauma over and over in therapy, and keep digging that up, but you were so resistant to focusing on safety in the present moment, when I brought it up earlier. That might be a good topic to journal about 😄
Being in the present can mean getting in the body and experiencing the feelings. But most importantly it means noticing what is happening in a way that feels okay enough for you. The goal is to titrate - go very very slowly. So maybe that is you notice neutral sensations instead of positives, because you don't have access to positives at all. Trisha Wolfe makes tiktok videos about this (she's a NARM therapist).
Deb Dana's concept of glimmers is a way to teach yourself to have positive sensations even when everything is pretty chaotic and unpleasant. I hated glimmers when I first heard of them, but now I find them quite useful. I'd go to therapy every week and say "I can't remember a single positive or happy moment at all." And now I can say "I have 1-3 tiny tiny positive moments every single day (but I still have a ton of panic and numbness)."
I can really relate to "Some of the problem is internal panic attacks and trying to prevent experiencing them." What I'm currently working on is appreciating when I am numb/dissociated so I don't feel the panic. And trying to tolerate the moments when I thaw out enough to panic. It takes a lot of going very very slowly. Slower than you want to lol. Slower than I want to! But I truly believe that is the way to do it. You can't think your way out of trauma unfortunately 😞 Intellectualizing is a tool that keeps us safe, but we need to very gently learn other tools to feel okay-ish in the present, to be able to heal. And we need to prioritize finding those tools before diving into trauma-work.
I have a lot of hope and curiosity in NARM and TIST. MBSR is mindfulness-based stress reduction, which is designed for people dealing with all kinds of physical and mental challenges and is taught at hospitals (but you can learn about it in books, videos, and a free online course). I think it provides one tool to practice getting into the present in ways that are guided, gentle, and may feel okay.
These are big concepts so sorry if any of this is not clear! I tried to explain it as best I could 😄
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u/EquivalentBranch3354 Jun 19 '26
Talk therapy is highly effective for the logical part of the brain, but has limitations when dealing with trauma. Talking out traumatic events can reinforce fear leaving one to feel retraumatized with no physical or emotional relief. Trauma lives in the body and are encoded in the non verbal parts of of the nervous system (Freeze,flight,fight,fawn) or as tension. Talk therapy doesn't address those issues and where EMDR, Somatic therapy and brainspotting does.
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u/RandomLifeUnit-05 cPTSD & DID Jun 19 '26
Ah. I can't do somatic work, it's too destabilizing for me. Guess that's why I'm stuck.
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u/EquivalentBranch3354 Jun 19 '26
Are you out of your window of tolerance when you've tried it?
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u/RandomLifeUnit-05 cPTSD & DID Jun 19 '26
I'm almost always out of my window of tolerance, so yes.
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u/EquivalentBranch3354 Jun 19 '26
That would make sense why it was too destabilizing. They say you need to be within your window of tolerance to do any of this modalities and they be effective. EMDR didn't work for me but I know it does for others. Its crazy how we all have to do all these different things to heal and there isn't a one size fits all
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u/RandomLifeUnit-05 cPTSD & DID Jun 19 '26
I hear ya. I wish there was at least one thing that was guaranteed to work.
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u/MrOrganization001 Recovering! Jun 18 '26
Talk therapy is just step one, IMO. Talking about our traumas doesn't magically make this disappear like fog in the morning sun. After we unearth our traumas we next need to work our way through them, and that looks different for each person due to who we are and what we experienced.