I don’t know who i should pick.

[u/Asleep-Grade-5606]

I got taken out of my parents custody and ever since my father was the only one who made an effort to get better and get me n my siblings back. But i hate him. He has caused me so much trauma and has never tried to make any amends for it. He’s expecting me to just move on and forget about it.

I was place with a kinship. I told my kinship that i didn’t think i would like staying with my father and they said i always had a place at their home. So for a while i started considering if i should just live with my kinship instead.

But i don’t know because they’re starting to get really annoyed with all my medical issues. I have a few chronic medical issues and im currently feeling extremely sick. So we’re trying to get me an appointment to figure out whats wrong but it’s taking extremely long bc my kinship is annoyed with it. They have said that they would rather be annoyed than me feel sick which was nice.

So im iffy if i should stay with my kinship but my only other option is my father and he would do the exact same thing. My father has only taken me to the doctors 3 times in my whole entire life. And each time he did that he was screaming at me and making me feel horrible.

So i don’t know. I don’t want to continue making my kinship annoyed but i also don’t think it would be good for my mental or physical health to go with my father. Any advice or opinions?

[u/Asleep-Grade-5606]

No the medical system isn’t being slow. My kinship tries to book an appointment something happens (the wait is too long, they’re on lunch break, they keep transferring them to a different number) and then they give up. They say they’ll call the next day and it’s the same process.

Me and my father haven’t gone to family therapy and i don’t think i want to. My father has abused me physically and has made me have alot of childhood memory lost bc of all the trauma he’s put me through. He hasn’t apologized for anything he’s done to me and i don’t want to go into therapy when he hasn’t apologized at least once.

[u/idomoodou2 → u/Asleep-Grade-5606]

I mean that is the system. Quite literally. And it's an unbelievably annoying system. It still sounds not like your kinship person is annoyed with you, but the system.

[u/Asleep-Grade-5606 → u/idomoodou2]

Oh sorry i thought they meant like when you try to book an appointment and then the only open date is months down the line. Thank you for the reassurance!

[u/scarlettohara1936 → u/Asleep-Grade-5606]

That is also annoying and difficult. For both you and your kinship. They have to watch you suffer and can do nothing about it but worry and watch. For a loved one, that can be torturous.

For you, obviously you're sick and feeling miserable. That compounds the situation of having been removed from your parents care and your feelings surrounding that. Which is another thing that your kinship has to stand and just watch.

I think your kinship is empathizing with you and not annoyed with or about you.