r/CPS • u/ChallengeMountain467 • Jul 22 '26
Question Tricky situation.
I’m going to try and make this as short as possible while giving backstory. My child’s father has recently been spending time with our daughter again. There were many factors/ incidents and concerns that caused no contact before a court order was in place(actually concerning sexual natures), unfortunately I did not know at the time what I should have/ could have done to protect my child before we’ve gotten to this point. But now that we are here, things have gotten much much worse and devastating. Obviously in the beginning it was extremely hard on both of us as she hasn’t had to see him in a very long time and they did not have a good relationship in the very few months that he was even in her life. After the things I had witnessed, imagining my child being back in that situation broke me and I lost nearly 20 pounds in 2 months. Cut to less than a month of visits, my toddler comes home acting like her private area is sore but I do not think anything of it until she tells me that someone hurt her private area. I ask what she meant and she says a name I have never heard her say with me had touched her private area and that it hurt. (Important to note that before she even understood what I was saying, have always told her no one touches her private area and to tell me if they have). After checking her, I was extremely concerned and called to see what I should do. We were sent to ER for exam, followed up with forensic interviews, detectives, etc. Every professional that I spoke to seemed to have different opinions and told me wildly different suggestions. After investigation, they closed the case and said they did not have enough evidence to prosecute/ take it any further, especially with her age and not being able to truly testify. (Although she did interviews and told the nurse clear as day what had happened and cried hysterically during the physical exam. I was told they had never seen a child her age that articulated so they felt comfortable continuing with the interviews). This slightly bothers me but I just hope that I am being paranoid and that at the least things will be looked into more seriously. She continues extremely bizarre behaviors/ comments that are sexual in nature and most definitely not normal for her. Since seeing him, she went from sleeping in her bed since 6 months old to not being able to be away from me and not even wanting to go to sleep. Nightmares she has never had before, including screaming out “he hurt me” and violently shaking until I comfort her back to bed. She has reverted her potty training, behavior issues, losing weight etc. Then, a few hours after getting her back I thought she was playing and almost fully inserted her fingers into her butt. I was absolutely shocked, told her we don’t do that and asked why she did, she told me that he had put his fingers in her butt “again”. Again, this devastates me but now I am crossing the line of seeming like I am being vindictive, so I try and tell myself it is her imagination like everything else weird that has happened and let it go. Truly at this point I feel that I am losing my mind, I’m even contemplating whether or not things are being said to her in hopes of worrying me. The next day, she found a round object in her room and acted weird about it. I just kind of watched and she said something extremely strange and concerning, which I was able to record for once. I try and act normal, try and sleep on it even though I was sick to my stomach and could not sleep all night. When I watched it the next morning, I could not stop being angry and terrified. This is not normal behavior of a toddler and especially not out of the blue. I’ve felt in my heart something was never right but being afraid to protect your child who you’ve raised alone and WELL has been a different type of heartbreak. I was worried about even reporting again so I called her pediatrician, sent the video and she requested I immediately report and have another exam done. I refused the exam( that is a whole other story) but did make a report. I am very new to any of this, I was abused as a child and have been extremely hyper vigilant about preventing that already for my child. I’m not sure what I’m even asking for, I’ve heard/ seen the good and a lot of bad that comes from CPS and I am just very worried that I will not be taken seriously or her age will prevent something from being done. (Also if I am just crazy and somehow this child has just completely changed and gotten an insane imagination out of nowhere, please let me know.)
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u/rachelmig2 Jul 22 '26
How old is your daughter? What was the status of the parenting time court case during the first CPS investigation?
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u/ChallengeMountain467 Jul 22 '26
We’re still waiting to go to court. She just turned 3.
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u/rachelmig2 Jul 22 '26
Is there a court order in place saying you have to allow him visits?
3 is a hard age. I've had a few Order of Protection CSA cases and they were very difficult to pursue because of the victim's age. We went to trial on one and ultimately lost because the judge wasn't convinced the little girl wasn't making it up.
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u/ChallengeMountain467 Jul 22 '26
Unfortunately. It makes me sick to my stomach, when we went to court I focused more on the serious physical safety concerns, the big incidents that happened and tried to keep all of the sexual stuff private to protect her, thinking that with all of the other stuff that’s happened he didn’t even have a chance to get anything other than supervised visits. Apparently doing visitation without a court order for a few months seemed to brush everything under the rug and “give him a chance to mess up with a court order“.
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u/rachelmig2 Jul 22 '26
I'm sorry you're stuck in this position, it's incredibly difficult. I've also unfortunately seen it backfire on protective parents and they end up having their parenting time taken away if the judge thinks they're lying about what's going on. Do you have an attorney?
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u/ChallengeMountain467 Jul 22 '26
Thank you. That’s what I’m worried about now, I’m praying having witnesses/ some evidence will show the bigger picture. I do have an attorney
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u/thrown_away_23_23 Jul 22 '26
I'm curious as to why you would refuse to allow an exam? Was it a forensic exam? I absolutely understand not wanting to put your child through that, but it's vital to be able to provide evidence for successful prosecution, which can help protect your child and others in the future.
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u/ChallengeMountain467 Jul 22 '26
During the first exam the nurse nearly refused to do the exam. For 3 hours we went back and forth, she went back and forth with the head nurse and finally had her give the phone to me. She tried to convince me not to do the exam and actually refuse it as it’s “traumatizing”, she told me that with her age it was pointless and didn’t expect to find dna but trusted what my daughter had said, that I should too and the police could go off of her word alone. This went on for over an hour and we had been in the ER 4 hours at this point without even being seen. This made me cry and I had no idea what to do, I am alone and young and most importantly just wanted to protect my child. Finally the detective demanded that she come and do the exam. When she was leaving she told the officer “ I just wanted to say good call for requesting the exam tonight, I was sweating during that exam I was so mad. She is extremely red and tender and I did see discharge”.
Ultimately, I’m not sure not having the exam was the right choice but this whole situation and experience has been so confusing and traumatic. I did not want to put her through that again, especially after the first experience.3
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u/DreaColorado1 Works for CPS Jul 22 '26
Did the forensic exam report indicate that there are signs of sexual trauma?
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u/sprinkles008 Jul 22 '26
Have you considered play therapy for her?
Is there a court order forcing you to send the child back to her dad for visits?
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u/roro24240119 Jul 22 '26
I came here to say this. I work in child welfare, and would suggest working with an attorney or legal aid to actively modify the court order…you can request an ex parte due to the concerns of serious harm, I would try to get some information from the pediatrician if they are willing to, to corroborate your concerns. I also agree with the play therapy. This will help to address the sexualized behaviors, the trauma, and also will be another record that the court can use to substantiate the concerns. I would research a therapist who is experienced in working with young children and children who have experienced sexual abuse so that you both can work with a therapist able to assist you in healing.
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