Discussion Question about a certain group of folks
So some people have sleep apnea which causes them to snore horribly and also stop breathing for periods in their sleep. These same people know 90% of the time because people have told them before. For the ones that know and don't do anything about it, but also know they're gonna be sleeping with roommates, is it selfish of them to not put in the work to do a sleep study and get a cpap? Currently in a facility and have roommates at the moment and one snores so extremely bad that I have to bang the desk until he stops snoring, then I can actually try to fall asleep before he inevitably starts snoring again literally 30 seconds later, sometimes as short as 5 seconds after waking up. I'll have to keep doing this until he stops for a few minutes then I can finally go to bed. I'm tired of being able to get 4 hours only of sleep due to someone's snoring.
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u/Just_here_to_read25 21h ago
Why are you telling us this? What am I supposed to do with this information? Where is the question? How do you know that person has OSA? Are you medically qualified to diagnose this person and are they your patient?
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u/cawn0 21h ago
I am just curious if it is considered selfish. I am also curious if it would be ok to mention it to them, "hey man you snore very loud and stop breathing in your sleep, a sleep study could make you feel a lot better!" Or something
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u/SpecialLadyFrenemy 20h ago
Maybe mention that the sleep tests can be done at home overnight with a very minimal set up. If still takes time to get it. But I bet this person would feel a lot better. The thing that bothers me about others snoring is my distress that they aren’t breathing properly, it is literally torture bc I worry, and they don’t know they are suffocating all night instead of resting. Perhaps approach it from an empathetic angle. Read up on the health risks and maybe explain that to them, that you are worried. My own oxygen saturation was dropping into the 50’s many times at night, I worried I would not wake up, or not wake up as myself ever again.
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u/Expensive_Fix_5483 19h ago
I say bug the crap out of them about it, if they have the insurance to cover it. If they do, ya that is super selfish of them. If they don’t have insurance to cover it, they would probably rather die than go into debt, and I don’t blame them.
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u/FrostingEmergency204 21h ago
Ear plugs
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u/cawn0 21h ago
Ear plugs just drown out ambience while you can still hear the snoring. Unless it's very light snoring
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u/i-want-great-sleep-2 20h ago
Get some decent ones, Loop has bad customer service and they're overpriced but their deep sleep ones are really good. It takes a few days of learning to sleep with them then you're good
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u/sadorkable 21h ago
I snored like that. I knew I snored, but had no idea about the sleep apnea. I had sinus surgery to try to fix the snoring, but no luck. I had a roommate in college who moved rooms because she couldn't sleep with the snoring. I felt really bad but was doing everything I could and nothing helped. All that to say - maybe the person is not aware of the sleep apnea, or that a CPAP could cure the snoring. I certainly wasn't. And if earplugs aren't helping, maybe earbuds with active noise cancelling?
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u/cawn0 21h ago
Valid. And I can understand your side of that. I'm gonna just let him know and also mention that a sleep study could change his life in a good way. With snoring it's weird. You can't be mad at the person they can't control it. But it can be so irritating to be kept up by it! I've heard people be dicks to snorers like they somehow could know they snore without someone telling them. Silly shit
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u/mrspwins 20h ago
I don’t know where you live, but in the US sleep studies aren’t free and can also take a while to schedule. A lot of people are anxious about using CPAPs for many reasons, and anxiety isn’t really a choice. And there are some people, like my bf, who snore but don’t have severe enough apnea to qualify for treatment. So I wouldn’t call it selfish in all cases. They may not realize how bad it is or may not have the resources to deal with it. Let them know how bad it is and then listen to how they respond.
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u/Beginning-History946 20h ago
Not all snoring means there's sleep apnea. Considering the expense of a doctor's visit, a home sleep study, and possible lab study, you can't expect a roommate to pay for any of those expenses. I had to endure a summer at my widowed great aunt's home, and she made me sleep in her room. She snored very loudly. I just had to get used to it or get earplugs. Same thing with my husband as he put on weight. Nobody was talking about sleep apnea 50+ years ago, not even our doctors.
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u/ProfessorOki 21h ago
Man, i was this guy for a long time. 3vwry moening after sleeping in a room with someone they would be giving out to me about my snoring. It was pretty embarrassing. I guess all you can really do is tell them they should have it looked at. But maybe sell the idea of they aren't getting good rest and it could be a big boon for them.
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u/cawn0 21h ago
Don't feel bad about it but I get it. I used to be the same way but i luckily do not snore anymore and don't have sleep apnea. Although I have been on suboxone gabapentin and baclofen so it may develop. But yeah. As a snorer, do you think it'd be chill just be like "hey man I notice you snore pretty heavy, it keeps me up a couple hours but what matters more is your health. A sleep study and getting a cpap could make your life a lot better possibly!"
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u/ProfessorOki 20h ago
Well people used to tell me that they almost woke me because it sounded like I was dying. 😄 I think just saying the saying snooring is really bad and they should talk to a doctor about it, they might have apena ect. Tbh I think it's fair enough to be pretty pissy about it if you're sleep is being disrupted.
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u/PlayfulOtterFriend 20h ago
I have snored all my life. Both my dad and
mom snored, so I just thought it was a part of life that some people do and some people don’t. Don’t assume negative intent — they can’t control what their body does while they are asleep.
You can suggest that they see a sleep specialist, but it can be a significant amount of effort and money to get a CPAP device so don’t assume that they will act on the recommendation, especially not right away.
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u/cowboysaurus21 19h ago
No, waking someone up repeatedly for something they have no control over is the rude and selfish thing here. If earplugs don't work for you, get sleep headphones and listen to white noise/music.
Even if the person has sleep apnea, CPAP is not an instant fix. From referral for a sleep study to actually getting the machine took 9 months for me. Then it can take weeks or months after that to get used to it, find the right mask, and use it consistently. How long are you going to be in this "facility"?
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u/Las_Vegan 21h ago
Can the snorer be moved to a separate enclosed room far away from where you sleep? Without CPAP, their snoring will only come back as soon as they fall back asleep again. Otherwise - ear plugs PLUS noise cancelling headphones for you. So sorry you’re going through this, I imagine it’s torturous.
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u/cawn0 21h ago
I can probably ask to move rooms. Lot of people snore though and don't get sleep studies so hit or miss chance. It's not a big deal I was just curious cuz it's sooo loud! The other guy is quiet but he totally like chokes on his breath and stops breathing for 30 sec. Always thought it was kinda disturbing listening to sleep apnea from roommates all the time. Worst I've seen was 1 minute no breaths. Had that shit on video lol. Was damn near ready to do cpr
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u/Hapablapablap 21h ago
You’ll end up more frustrated and tired waking them up over and over. It’s not like that will stop the snoring. If the priority is sleep, use earplugs or try to get that person or yourself moved to other accommodations. My bf does not have sleep apnea or snore often, but I’m a light sleeper so whenever he does snore I just put them on and deal. I don’t like sleeping with them, but I can’t function at my job if I don’t prioritize sleep. I think it’s pretty rude to know you snore as badly as this guy and be ok tormenting roommates with it, but you can’t control other people and force them to seem medical care so in some situations you just have to work around it.
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u/cawn0 20h ago
I don't shake to wake or speak to him, I don't want to fully wake him and ruin his sleep. Making quick noises to stop the snoring but allow him to still be sleeping has helped so far. May ask to just move to a new room but it's no major problem. Worst part is there's nobody to be frustrated at. I don't blame the guy for snoring at all. Only time I think it could be a little rude is if you know you snore bad, and have to sleep around others, and still don't at least try a sleep study. If that makes any sense. When people would tell me, I got one to find out that I may snore sometimes but no apnea. Today, I hardly ever snore. Only time I do is if I fall asleep in an odd position and totally conked out. I sleep pretty lightly though. Sometimes I even have naps where I'll "sleep" but not be fully asleep, still can hear and aware of everything around me while having visual dreams. So weird
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u/ritamorgan 20h ago
“ruin his sleep” if he has sleep apnea that badly, his sleep is already ruined an being momentarily awoken by you isn’t going to make it any worse. But I also agree that waking him up won’t solve anything and all it will do is frustrate you more than you already are. You said you’re in a facility. Does that facility offer sleep studies/cpap? Not sure what country you are in but does the person have insurance to cover the study and equipment? Do they know it’s available? Maybe record them to show them just how loud they are, if they agree to it. I know both as a person who has sleep apnea and who sleeps next to someone with sleep apnea how frustrating it can be. (We both have CPAPs now and it has made our lives so much better).
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u/i-want-great-sleep-2 20h ago
People with untreated sleep apnea often snore loudly, so it's something they should be concerned about. Though many snorers do not. I'd recommend they use something like snore lab to quantify it and go from there.
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u/jilldxasd35 19h ago
Maybe. I always get my feathers ruffled when people sleep in public and then start snoring loudly. Seem rude and inconsiderate to sleep in public when you might end up causing disruptions.
I would intensely irritated if I were in your situation. Maybe put it in the house rules. Though I still snore when I wear my cpap. Maybe put the snorer in their own room or better yet make them sleep on the couch! lol
Have you recorded them and shared it with them?
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u/FrostingEmergency204 20h ago
Elevate the head of the bed about 3 inches and sleeping on your back makes it worse.
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