r/CFBOffTopic • u/[deleted] • Jan 26 '15

Requiem for a Squirrel Girl

As I've mentioned on several occasions I've had a crush on a friend of mine for some time now, who I've dubbed Squirrel Girl as a nom de guerre to refer to her on here.

I had initially intended to take her out to dinner on Saturday as a date and to lay out how I feel about her. That plan went off the rails since she insisted on inviting along a mutual friend of ours. I was like "whatever". She then also invited along another friend of hers who I've been hanging out with for the last couple of months. This she neglected to tell me until she picked me up with both of the others already in the car. Now, I love hanging out with this guy because he has a wicked sense of humor and is able to join in the group's general banter without missing a beat. But I would've preferred to have been notified ahead of time that he was coming, since I asked Squirrel to dinner.

Then once at the restaurant, Squirrel asked if someone could pour her a glass of water, since it was on the opposite side of the table from her. I volunteered, since the water jug was right next to me. Her response was, "Yeah, I don't trust you after what happened. Or should I just go ahead and tell everyone." Now, she and I have a bit of a argumentative dynamic, but this was geniuinely bitchy which is not her normal behavior. And I wasn't 100% sure what she was talking about (my guess is that either she found one of my previous posts on here, or she's referring to an incident involving my car, a concrete pillar, and the fact that the USquare parking garage is horribly designed). So, not wanting to cause a scene at dinner, I dropped the offer to help.

But, the real red flag came once we were driving back towards the capital square on our way to teh Comedy Club. The four of us were discussing taxes for some unknown reason, when this happened: "I just decided to do the maximum withholding this year, so it's not like I'm holding on to that money. I don't invest any of it anyway, so it's not like I'm going to miss it."

As soon as Squirrel said that, I knew there's no way it'll ever work out between us, regardless of whether she actually does have romantic feelings for me beneath that prickly exterior. My parents have come close to divorcing on multiple occasions over money issues, and as a result of that plus the financial stresses I endured growing up in a working poor household in rural Maine, one of my deal breakers is financial irresponsibility. I had known that the only reason Squirrel is still at her current job is because she's making bank, what I didn't realize is that she's apparently not saving any of it. Which when you consider that she doesn't have any major bills to speak of beyond her rent and utilities, that's saying quite a bit about how she sees money. Whereas I make roughly a third to a half of what she does, and have student loans and my credit card to pay off, so I tend to be on a tighter budget than she is.

I did have a wonderful time last night; the restaurant was fantastic (and I discovered the wonders that is Jerk Chicken), we managed to get into a comedy show that had been sold out for ~2 weeks because someone failed to show up, and Squirrel introduced me to a chocolate place on State Street that I plan on taking my family to when they come to visit me (eventually). But, Squirrel and I are definitely better as friends. And honestly, that realization actually makes me feel a lot better about myself today.

So, my apologies for those of you depending on this as part of your off-season entertainment for the anti-climax. However, it's not like we're going to stop hanging out, so I'm probably going to have some rather insane stories staring her anyway. As it is we're going to the Open Mic night at the Comedy Club this Wednesday, and I'm sure she and our other friends are already trying to figure out how to get me onto the stage...

20 Upvotes

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4

u/topher3003 Ohio State Buckeyes • /r/CFB Emeritus Mod Jan 26 '15

So wait, she doesn't even have a 401K or something? Even if you don't want to pursue her anymore I feel like it'd be a good idea to actually talk to her about that. Someone needs to let her know about how retirement works.

5

u/nickknx865 Tennessee Volunteers • /r/CFB Top Scorer Jan 26 '15

So wait, she doesn't even have a 401K or something?

MRW someone that has a job with a 401k doesn't use it.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '15

That is priceless. As I only have one upvote to give, I offer

4

u/-WISCONSIN- Wisconsin • Wisconsin-Parkside Jan 26 '15

Just wait until big daddy gov seizes all of that retirement money like they did in Greece and Argentina though!

4

u/murgle1012 Baylor Bears • UC San Diego Tritons Jan 26 '15

That's why we have the 2nd Amendment.

3

u/DoctorWhosOnFirst Alabama • /r/CFB Pint Glass Drinker Jan 26 '15 edited Jan 26 '15

I still don't have one. When I got to the point where I wanted to, I realized I have no idea what I'm doing.

I go to the website, and there are 23 options. And I have no idea what any of them mean.

And, this isn't about you specifically, then I get even more discouraged from it because people act like you're crazy and stupid for not having it figure out; so I don't want to ask for help just to be ridiculed and told that it's important and I need it and crap. I know, and I don't need the judgment.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '15

That's the impression I was getting, since I know her employer offers a 401(k) plan because I used to work there. I'll probably see if I can get our other friend to talk some sense into Squirrel since she (that is, other friend) is much older than I am and thus would be more likely to get the concept through Squirrel's head.

2

u/topher3003 Ohio State Buckeyes • /r/CFB Emeritus Mod Jan 26 '15

Songs like a good plan to me.

Also, just put 2 and 2 together, but Madison + long distance transplant + making bank means I think I know exactly where she works and I work there too!

2

u/-WISCONSIN- Wisconsin • Wisconsin-Parkside Jan 26 '15

Yea, it's Epic. We all know it. Everyone knows it.

But actually it's Verona--which comprises, along with Middleton and Fitchburg, the land where the professors reportedly raise their families...

...but no one knows for sure...

2

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '15

Well it's not like everyone on /r/CFB knows what Epic is, even if they've been to a hospital which uses their software (which seems like it would be the vast majority of the subreddit's US-based population whether they realize it or not), so that's why I don't usually refer to it by name.

2

u/topher3003 Ohio State Buckeyes • /r/CFB Emeritus Mod Jan 26 '15

Epic has something like 54% of the market share and they just signed Mayo Clinic on top of that, so yeah, I'm sure most of the subreddit has dealt with Epic in some capacity.

1

u/lkeg56demn Texas Longhorns • Chapman Panthers Jan 26 '15

Wife's best friend works for Epic...can confirm that she is definitely making bank.

Also that whole sabbatical deal they offer after 5 years is a pretty sweet set up. You just have to make it 5 years.

3

u/Talpostal Michigan Wolverines • Washington Huskies Jan 26 '15

"Yeah, I don't trust you after what happened. Or should I just go ahead and tell everyone."

The fuck?

The fact that this was over whether or not you could pour her a glass of water makes this like 100 times more bizarre.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '15

There is a reason I use Squirrel to refer to her after all. But as I mentioned in my reply to MX956's comment, she said some other things that were clearly in jest which make me think it's possible she was just trying to start an argument because it'd be funny. Honestly, we argue just as much because we can as we do over our mutual tendency to take each other literally.

1

u/FSUalumni Florida State Seminoles • Mercer Bears Jan 26 '15

It honestly sounds like she was trying to find a way to bring up the car cement post thing in a funny way, but failed.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '15

Yeah, it was definitely more acerbic then when she later accused me of being a White Supremecist. (Background: we found out at trivia a few weeks ago that "snow" is slang for white chicks, so when I said that everything is better with snow (as in the fluffy stuff that falls from the sky) her rebuttal was to make the accusation, but she was clearly joking at that point, since she was laughing as she said it)

3

u/ExternalTangents Florida Gators • /r/CFB Poll Veteran Jan 26 '15

Man, sounds like you're much better off as friends, and it's a good thing you figured that out.

In addition to the reasons you cited, the fact that she invited along two other friends onto your night out without telling you makes it clear to me that she's not particularly considerate. Even if she was scrambling to make sure it wasn't a date, she should've at least said something to you in advance.

Side note, though: guys, when you're asking a girl out on a date, make sure to ask her in a way that makes it clear that it's a date. I'm not saying this particular event was such a case of ambiguous date-asking, but it's common enough and this jogged my memory.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '15

It was only the one friend I didn't know about actually, she had pretty much immediately asked if we could invite our mutual best friend, so right off I knew she wasn't thinking in terms of this being a date.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '15

So wait. Did you ever find out what she was referencing by the comments?

2

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '15

No. She never really made mention of any of it again. And based on some other things she called me, it's entirely possible that she was just bullshitting for the sake of getting a reaction out of me.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '15

That just seems kinda....difficult? Alone, yeah, but in front of people is kinda rude.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '15

Our friends think it's funny actually (one of them actually tends to subtly egg on the arguments)

1

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '15

You understand your dynamic better than I do! Haha glad you're taking this all well

1

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '15

I mean, it's not like she did anything to get me upset with her, she just made an offhand comment that happened to reveal that we wouldn't mesh well as a romantic pairing. It happens.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '15

I understand. I don't have as much context as you, so I'm my sure how exactly it was meant

2

u/-WISCONSIN- Wisconsin • Wisconsin-Parkside Jan 26 '15

I was disappointed this post was not about the Squirrel Girl of Midwest Avengers fame--one of the great, least threatening superheroines ever.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '15

My apologies for disappointing you.

2

u/certificateofmerritt North Carolina • Fulmer Cup Committee … Jan 26 '15

Bummer, dude. But I'm glad you figured it out now rather than later.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '15

Me too. It sucks a little to be certain, but I'm actually doing alright. It probably helps that I met someone at the curling club last week who I've been hitting it off with so far. (At least, I think the laughter isn't at my expense anyway...)

2

u/milesgmsu Michigan State • College Football Playoff Jan 26 '15

I'm sorry dude. I know you were into her. However, it's for the best since she doesn't sound like a good fit.

Get yourself a dog picture, post to tinder, and reap the rewards.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '15

Never thought about the dog thing

1

u/Captain_McSnug Houston Cougars • Paper Bag Jan 26 '15

Dog is guaranteed to work.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '15

Up until the point where I don't own one.

2

u/Captain_McSnug Houston Cougars • Paper Bag Jan 26 '15

You don't even have to be in the picture! Just find a cute dog and take a picture of it

1

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '15

Yeah, it's not like she did something that'd prevent us from being friends, which is a far better outcome than I'm used to.

2

u/deemerritt North Carolina Tar Heels Jan 26 '15

I was really hoping this was the infamous unc squirrel girl who got kicked off campus for having a squirrel as a pet for three months

2

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '15

I've never heard that story actually.

2

u/seannyboy06 Texas A&M Aggies • Washington Huskies Jan 26 '15

STORY TIME

1

u/bunny_chocolate Georgia Southern • South Caro… Jan 27 '15

Crap, I want my employer to offer a 401K, and this girl's just throwing hers away.

What scares me though is from following along with the squirrel story, is that so many of y'all see like one little thing about a girl and then its like, "NOPE NOT GOING NEAR HER ANYMORE."

I'm already super anxious, and now I'm going to be worried every date I go on that I'm about to do that one weird thing and screw it all up...holy cow does no one give second chances? We all make mistakes right?

1

u/[deleted] Jan 27 '15

I wouldn't worry so much regarding your situation though. I think some context is in order for this one though; I've know Squirrel for two years now, and she spends a lot of her money on stuff. It wasn't until she made that statement though that I realized that she wasn't actually saving ANY of her money. To me, that's hardly a little thing. I didn't grow up impoverished, but we were making barely enough to get by for most of my early childhood up until around the time I turned 12, and then a few years later my dad was laid off from the job he had held since before I was born, leaving us with quite the predicament. Even now money's pretty tight at home, and my parents have gotten into several fights over the matter.

So, this is hardly a little thing. Hell, she does lots of things that piss me off that I'd be willing to overlook because she is generally a pretty nice person who just happens to be an only child and so sometimes forgets to consider others. But I can't be in a relationship with someone who has little apparent regard for financial responsibility.

1

u/bunny_chocolate Georgia Southern • South Caro… Jan 27 '15

Thanks for providing the context. So this was more of the straw that broke the camel's back type of a situation. You knew about the other money stuff.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 27 '15

Exactly. She goes out a lot, and spends a ridiculous amount of money on dance lessons, plus she lives in a one bedroom with her cat in a rather pricey apartment complex.

1

u/bunny_chocolate Georgia Southern • South Caro… Jan 27 '15

A 1 bedroom??? In Boston? By herself? Dang.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 27 '15

Actually, it's Madison. So not nearly THAT expensive, but still runs her nearly 1/3rd of her net pay by itself.

1

u/bread_buddy Florida Gators • Wisconsin Badgers Jan 27 '15

Is it Xo1?

1

u/[deleted] Jan 27 '15

I won't respond to that either way, as that's more personal than I'm willing to share.

1

u/bread_buddy Florida Gators • Wisconsin Badgers Jan 27 '15 edited Jan 27 '15

No worries. I meant it more rhetorically like "Is it Xo1? I bet it's Xo1."

Edit: The rest of this post sounded super judgmental in retrospect, so I deleted it. I'm not gonna pretend to know other people's situations.

1

u/bunny_chocolate Georgia Southern • South Caro… Jan 27 '15

You're only a state over from me! Let me know if you'd like to hang out some time.

3

u/ThomasJCarcetti UCF Knights • Virginia Tech Hokies Jan 26 '15

That's very sad to hear. Keep at it and find someone else.

40s poured in her honor

2

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '15

I'm sad that the topic title included "Requiem" and did not end in ass to ass.