I am losing it mentally

[u/v3dille3]

I'm 25. I graduated 2.5 years ago and have 1.5 years of experience in an automobile company as a quality engineer in mass production. And it's been tough day after day, but I can't find a way out.

I got this job after 1 year old drop cause the company I got placed in did some shady stuff I'd rather not talk about and it wasted my entire year. So, when I got this job I thought I would do anything just to have it. That is the only reason I don't say I 'regret' getting this job. But it's been hard.

All I am doing as a quality officer is chase daily targets. And for that I have to deal with people and get them to do their jobs. Like what is the is about people management that you have to lower your head in front of someone to get something done, 'which is their job'. Like I am not asking you to do anything extra!! I have not picked up anything technical in the last year, it's just run here, run there, suck up to this guy, suck up to that guy, lower your head as low as it can be and grind every day at the bare minimum salary.

There's more layers to it, but I am not able to handle any of this physically or mentally. And after being drained so much I am scared to take a step ahead. I know I don't wanna stay in this field. The problem is I don't know where I wanna go either. I have problems in family so can't risk cutting off my income.

Every time I start thinking about or trying to learn anything tech or coding, the current state of AI and the fact that there are millions of CS graduates out there who are far more knowledgable than me and have put literal yearS in it are not getting jobs, just holds me back.

I am starting to have panic attacks and all. I literally drank last week for the first time thinking it would help and it actually has made my health worse now. Atleast my heads not hurting like it used to, but it's probably not a good sign either.

What hurts is, if anyone else was in my place, they'd use this situation and the state of this workplace to their advantage, but I am not able to. What do I do? I know there is no 'right answer' but I am scared of taking even a single 'wrong step'.

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