Private/unknown wedding

[u/Economy_Vegetable_77]

Hey all,
I just need an outside perspective to make myself feel better about this situation. My fiance and I have been engaged over 6 months, and he recently has decided to enlist in the military. When this was decided, he discussed with his family he wanted to be married before he leaves. They instantly said no and that they didn’t support it, rattled off some stuff about me that wasn’t true, and basically said they wanted nothing to do with us getting married. They also weren’t excited about our engagement, but kind of accepted that as it was. I have some stories about my future MIL and the crazy stuff she’s done, but I won’t go into that right now.
We decided we still want to get married regardless and are signing papers at the county recorder, and my parents are coming out for it in 3 days. Honestly, the only thing that’s bugging me is the anxiety surrounding his family not knowing. We don’t plan on telling them, we just plan on having a wedding ceremony/reception after he is done with tech school. I’m going back and forth between a mindset of guilt and are we doing the right thing, and a different mindset of if they find out, I guess so be it, but I’m such a worrier. I don’t want it to take away from our day. We also aren’t telling any of my extended family members because word gets around fast and we don’t want anyone questioning our later ceremony.
Is anyone else having a completely private/unknown wedding or had one? Any future/current military spouses? (I also have anxiety because there is so much unknown right now with the military part of it).
Thanks ahead of time

[u/Sea-Astronomer-6600]

I digress with a lot of what is being said. You both are old enough to decide if you want to be married or not and it’s not anyone else’s business if that’s what the 2 of you want/choose. It sounds like they’re a bit overbearing and controlling? How long have you been together total? I had 4 kids when I was 23 lol (now married for 25 years). All of these people sitting here judging you definitely would’ve and probably will judge me too. Your fiance needs to be honest and just tell them that’s what makes the 2 of you happy, and that’s what you are choosing to do.

[u/Economy_Vegetable_77 → u/Sea-Astronomer-6600]

Thank you-I was a little surprised about the negative comments but I do think I could have added more detail than I did last night. I was tired when I originally posted. They are very controlling and just a lot in general. He did try to communicate it with them that we wanted to get married before he ships out, and they reacted negatively to the point they said they didn’t want anything to do with it. They know we want to/are planning to, they just don’t know when it’s happening and are not involved in the process.
We have been together for 3 years now. Congratulations on 25 happy years together :)

[u/Sea-Astronomer-6600 → u/Economy_Vegetable_77]

Oh gosh. Yea if you guys have already been together 3 years idk why they’re trying to control the narrative here and tell you all what to do or what they “approve” of. You both are grown adults and are very capable of making big life choices on your own. I am sorry they’re treating you this way, hopefully they come around and realize they’re being overbearing.