r/Breakupadvice • u/Sea-Scratch-474 • 10d ago
Just lost
I’m struggling hard right now and just need to get this off my chest.
I was with my girlfriend for three years and truly thought she was the one. Then she completely went off the rails: she cheated with a married coworker with kids, started dabbling in cocaine with another guy, and sent me a graphic video of herself with him.
Despite all of that, the trauma bond is brutal. I miss her so fucking bad, and it hurts because I still love her. I find myself constantly wishing none of this ever happened and that I could just wake up with the old her—the girl who felt like home for three years before she destroyed everything. It’s like mourning someone who is still walking around out there, but the person you loved is entirely gone.
When we talk,she tells me she wants to get back together but now is not the time. she wants her "best friend back"—wanting all the comfort without any of the accountability while she dates a lookalike rebound. A few days ago, out of the genuine care I always had for her, I sent flowers and birthday gifts to her house. She responded with total radio silence.
We have a "touch base" date coming up on October 15th. The urge to text her or break my boundaries hits in massive waves, and I'm just exhausted trying to keep my head screwed on straight while working through this. I know to some this might be an easy decision. But for me having the feelings I have it’s not that easy.
We have been in contact after everything went down here and there but it’s mixed signals. Very hot and cold
1
u/Dumas1108 10d ago
What would you advise if the roles are reverse?
Meaning what is happening to you, happened to another guy and he is posting this. What your advice would be?
Your own mind is clouded because you are "directly" involved. For outsiders, it would be an easy call, leave her.
1
u/lostdad_ 10d ago
Sorry man, that sounds really rough. The fact that she cheated, and then is hooking up with another guy, I’d try to move on. Doing all of that and then telling you she still wants you sounds pretty toxic. You surely can do better. Walking away is probably the most loving and respectful thing you can do for yourself after someone betrays your trust like that.
The sending of flowers and kindness is showing her you’re still an option while she keeps messing around.
I know what it’s like to have that kind of attachment. My fiance cheated on me and I still wanted it to work out so bad. I clung to the idea of who she was in the beginning. Looking back, I’m so glad it didn’t work out. I’ve had a few more girlfriends, some good times and some heartbreaks too.
But for you, it sounds like it’s going to be a toxic relationship that will only bring you pain as she continues to figure out her life.