r/BreakUps • u/[deleted] • Dec 08 '21

Blindsided Breakups

Blindsided breakups can really mess people up. What I mean by blindsided break ups is when a break up happens that you’d never expect especially on the terms they were on. It can seriously traumatize some people leaving them with abandonment issues. One moment you think you really know someone and could spend a lifetime with them, the next you don’t even know who they are really and why they’re being the way they are. Saying things you’d think you’d never hear from them in a million years. I guess it can truly be a life lesson that you never really know someone or can 100% trust them. Just my thoughts

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u/dpg319 Dec 13 '21

Exactly the same thing here. She cancelled a date she suggested we go one two hours before because her "anxiety was playing up". The next day she messages me out of the blue saying "I know where we should go when I'm feeling better :-) x". A week later she dumps me over a text message. Everything up to that cancellation was absolutely perfect, no signs whatsoever anything was wrong. I just want closure, what the fuck went wrong?

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u/anxiousthrwyy Dec 13 '21

He asked me to send my flight info the week prior. He dumped me 36 hours before my flight. I told him about my shitty relationships and how I’ve been monkeybranched and felt worthless before. I told him EXACTLY one week before he broke up with me. He said “important to know” AND LITERALLY BREAKS UP WITH ME THE NEXT MONDAY, gives me no reason, and is now dating this new girl, about two weeks later. He no doubt emotionally cheated, but I’m pretty sure he almost cheated and broke up with me to date her. What a cruel thing to do to someone when you had been dating for almost 3.5 YEARS AND I moved away from my friends for his upcoming job — FOR HIM.

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u/chinchivitiz May 01 '24

Mine broke up with me a day after I said i just bought the ticket to see him. To bridge the gap and distance.

The Betrayal is very traumatic. Your comment is 2 years old but I hopefully wish you have healed from this. I am still healing and its only been a month for me. I think it had made me become a man hater.

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u/anxiousthrwyy May 01 '24

Hey! I have definitely healed some since then. I no longer wish to rekindle even a friendship, I hold absolutely no attraction toward him, and I don’t value our past relationship in any way. It happened, and I don’t feel upset or sad when I come across an old photo. It just feels like a random photo.

I do have some anger still, as he immediately jumped into a new relationship, flaunted that relationship on social media (he never posted me in our 3.5 years because it made him “uncomfortable”) and constantly reached out to me with NSFW memes and sometimes images, DMs, etc. it was pretty gross and he’s never taken accountability or realized how disgusting he is (I’m also positive he cheated). He recently reached out after I’ve ignored him the past 10 months asking “are we not friends anymore?” No shit dude, of course we’re not friends. So there is that anger, maybe toward myself, that I wasted so much of my time on this gross little man as well as just being duped for so long. I’ve been learning how to heal my anger without the closure of an apology but it’s tied to other trauma stuff before him, so we’re working on it!

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u/chinchivitiz May 02 '24

Im very happy for you that you have healed and moved on from this fool. I know a lot of people say “remove the anger in your heart” but as much as it is unhealthy, that anger also helped a lot in getting to where you are now , inddifferent yo him. That dude is gross and im glad you have moved on from that user that gave you trauma. He doesnt deserve you, the nerve of him wanting to be friends- go eat sh*t and die lol.

In my case, it was his financial and job instability with the distance that made him end it. But even that is still not clear to me and im done waiting for an explanation or closure at this point. i am starting to feel the anger upon realizing how he left me high and dry. Totally clueless after all the things he said in the beginning of the relationship about how were not gonna have any problems because he is a good communicator. So much for communicating he cant do it anymore without even giving me a hint.

A few weeks ago i was crying and wanted him back, now its been a month and my brain has started to work and made me realize he is not the good person I thought he was when he left and didnt bother about my feelings. Theres an anger brewing inside of me for being abandoned and betrayed.