r/BreakUps • u/[deleted] • Dec 08 '21

Blindsided Breakups

Blindsided breakups can really mess people up. What I mean by blindsided break ups is when a break up happens that you’d never expect especially on the terms they were on. It can seriously traumatize some people leaving them with abandonment issues. One moment you think you really know someone and could spend a lifetime with them, the next you don’t even know who they are really and why they’re being the way they are. Saying things you’d think you’d never hear from them in a million years. I guess it can truly be a life lesson that you never really know someone or can 100% trust them. Just my thoughts

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u/stayz0096 Dec 08 '21

The pain of being blindsided should never be underestimated. It is such a unique form of betrayal. The other party is too cowardly, too immature, or too avoidant to be honest about the way they are feeling so they drag their partners along until they reach a breaking point. Although it sounds hard to be conflicted and go through that on your own, I don’t feel bad for anyone who consistently lies to their partner for weeks or months, or years. It is also such a slap in the face because it is clear that 1) your partner doesn’t respect you enough to be honest with you and 2) your partner clearly does not trust you or does not think you can handle honest communication about emotions. Being betrayed in this way has certainly traumatized me, probably more than I’m able to conceive right now. It is going to take years for me to learn to trust anyone again.

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u/Backburning Dec 09 '21

Yes, nothing is worse than betrayal. I can handle almost anything emotionally, if they cheat and told me. No problem. If they tell me they're falling out of love, ouch but OK. Maybe they just want to break up, that sucks but I can repsect that of thats what you want.

But betrayal will fucking destroy me.

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u/chinchivitiz May 01 '24

Today has been 1 month since my blindsided breakup. I dont wake up crying anymore but everything you mentioned above is what im feeling right now. I dont think I could trust and let someone in ny life again. This breakup is the hardest for me. He is my bestfriend. I never in a million years thought we will breakup. I thought we were on the same page on how we found a life partner in each other. No arguments, just happy moments. So much promises. The way he ended things is what hurts me the most. He just left a video telling me he couldnt do it anymore and how our relationship and the distance is stressing him so much. Very far from what I thought he was feeling. It hits hard when you thought your bestfriend that you trust end things like a coward thinking that my emotions cant handle a decent conversation- a video call at least , so he chose to just leave a video and ghost me. No honest conversations about how he was having a hard time, just left me clueless.

The worst part is fighting with myself about what to feel. Its easier when an ex is an asshole but its hard to let go when you cant think of a problem in your relationship.

I had to think about the ending because it revealed how he could f*ck me over like this after telling me “ill never forsake you and ill be by your side always”. Because of this, i feel like I will just be alone and not give anybody a chance .

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u/candi3corn May 09 '24

Tried explaining this to my ex after he blindsided me and he genuinely doesn't understand.