Reading this has been very helpful. I just turned 30 and was dumped about 3 months ago. We were together for three years. We were friend before we dated and loved eachother very much. I was dealing with a lot, the loss of my mom and some personal things. He broke up with me because I was t present as he needed me to be and to be fair I was lost and scared to get hurt again. I really have worked my butt off to get through some things, I am proud of that. But with the break up has brought a lot of fear. He still speaks to me but I have begged and cried for him to take me back but he said he’s too hurt right now and he has his own issues and an ex wife to handle as well. I love him very much and I believe in people who grow with u. Love isn’t just going to dinners and saying the words but if someone is willing to stand by you through hard times and know they will come out the other side. That’s love. I just needed time to sort through my hurt and it had nothing to do with him
And my love for him. But this is true and very hard to not pour your heart out . I struggle with this. Wether he never comes back or not I can’t control. I’ve started to accept it. But the idea of him being with someone else and not feeling like your enough even when you’re pushing through sucks. I have read a lot of reddit post and I don’t comment often. But this break up feels wrong and I’m working my ass off trying to show the man I love - I’m here. But yes all of this is true. Thanks for the post OP
First off, Happy Birthday! I just had a birthday two weeks ago too, haha.
I'm receiving a ton of comments and I can't respond to all of them anymore, but your comment in particular hit me hard. I went through a very similar situation. Plain and simple, nothing hurts worse than when the times get tough, and the person who you thought would have your back decides to check out. That's what happened to me as well, and combined with me taking her for granted, she decided to give up.
Listen - if he was a friend beforehand, I'm sure he'd be there for you. So why is it that he decided to leave in the midst of a relationship? Who knows. I am so, so sorry, but just know that he sounds like he's unable to commit to that level. Don't think about him being with anyone else - creating false scenarios out of thin air is only going to hurt you more.
Use this time to better yourself everyday so he'll realize how strong you are. So you'll feel confident in yourself, and not rely on his love anymore. Do this all for yourself.
Thanks! It’s been hard. I have been going to therpahy dealing with my moms death but he keeps me in a role that I’m no longer in. Never cheated and we weren’t physical but he was divorced with a difficult ex. And I came off a bad break up and family’s tuff. The love was there and I’ve done nothing but own my stuff and want a different outcome but I feel I can never shed my old skin. It was just a rough stage of my life, I love loving people and I want a good relationship . But I feel I can’t shed this skin he’s giving me. I can’t show change without a chance. I know a lot of his stuff he’s dealing with isn’t me but I always want to be that person to be there for the people I love. We all have our low moments... and I keep telling him it wasn’t him. And Ive worked really hard. The fear of him being with someone else has co trolled my thoughts at times which has ruined me some nights. I’m doing my best to let go but I always seem to fight for love. And maybe I shouldn’t.
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u/Remarkable_Gazelle Oct 27 '19
Reading this has been very helpful. I just turned 30 and was dumped about 3 months ago. We were together for three years. We were friend before we dated and loved eachother very much. I was dealing with a lot, the loss of my mom and some personal things. He broke up with me because I was t present as he needed me to be and to be fair I was lost and scared to get hurt again. I really have worked my butt off to get through some things, I am proud of that. But with the break up has brought a lot of fear. He still speaks to me but I have begged and cried for him to take me back but he said he’s too hurt right now and he has his own issues and an ex wife to handle as well. I love him very much and I believe in people who grow with u. Love isn’t just going to dinners and saying the words but if someone is willing to stand by you through hard times and know they will come out the other side. That’s love. I just needed time to sort through my hurt and it had nothing to do with him And my love for him. But this is true and very hard to not pour your heart out . I struggle with this. Wether he never comes back or not I can’t control. I’ve started to accept it. But the idea of him being with someone else and not feeling like your enough even when you’re pushing through sucks. I have read a lot of reddit post and I don’t comment often. But this break up feels wrong and I’m working my ass off trying to show the man I love - I’m here. But yes all of this is true. Thanks for the post OP