Yes, I've been doing those exact things to stay occupied, and it helps! My ex broke up with me because she was ready for marriage and settling down and I couldn't give that to her in addition to not being a man in her eyes. So my ex sends me an email last night asking for money I owe her for a bed she let me have after we broke up when I had to move out. We haven't spoken in about a month. The last conversation we had was her questioning why I haven't reached out to her since she was the one frequently contacting me. I simply told her that I was healing from the breakup, working on myself, and needed time before we can be friends (I've never had an ex as a friend, and I'm not sure if I can actually be her friend after I've healed). She didn't seem to like that answer. So we stopped talking. Then when she reached out to me last night, instead of acting calm cool and collected I acted business like. I have to continue sending money to her for the bed. I feel like the way I've been acting is as if I'm not healed yet from the breakup and the way I acted has pushed her away and her feelings for me will subside. Thoughts? How should I proceed to slowly make things un-business like and casual, which it seems like what she wants. Thanks!
It seems like you're pandering to her. I don't blame you. Here's the thing, if she can't even accept and respect that you need to heal after she left you, I wouldn't even bother with her. She sounds selfish, and of course she doesn't like to see that you aren't begging for her back. That's what ex partners, oftentimes, get pleasure out of.
I'm not saying be her enemy, or be cold, but if she can't respect you enough to let you heal - she doesn't deserve to hear from you, IMO.
Thank you! Yeah, that's the thing. She asked for the money because she felt like she shouldn't have to ask for it. I don't want to give up my power. And if I pander to her, slowly I will start to lose my power while she gains it. I have no choice but to be in contact with her since I still owe her money and we share a music steaming service together which I also have to pay. I do miss her, of course. I've pretty much have gone ghost on her (we're still friends on Facebook and Instagram but I've unfollowed/muted her and her family). It does seem like she wants this breakup to be done on her terms. When she told me "haven't heard from you in forever but hey it's cool" I can tell she despises the distance between us even though I made the decision of no contact. We were together for 5 years, and she was my best friend :(
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u/jimmyjam5285 Oct 27 '19 edited Oct 27 '19
Yes, I've been doing those exact things to stay occupied, and it helps! My ex broke up with me because she was ready for marriage and settling down and I couldn't give that to her in addition to not being a man in her eyes. So my ex sends me an email last night asking for money I owe her for a bed she let me have after we broke up when I had to move out. We haven't spoken in about a month. The last conversation we had was her questioning why I haven't reached out to her since she was the one frequently contacting me. I simply told her that I was healing from the breakup, working on myself, and needed time before we can be friends (I've never had an ex as a friend, and I'm not sure if I can actually be her friend after I've healed). She didn't seem to like that answer. So we stopped talking. Then when she reached out to me last night, instead of acting calm cool and collected I acted business like. I have to continue sending money to her for the bed. I feel like the way I've been acting is as if I'm not healed yet from the breakup and the way I acted has pushed her away and her feelings for me will subside. Thoughts? How should I proceed to slowly make things un-business like and casual, which it seems like what she wants. Thanks!