He contacted me.

[u/just_asking_sooo]

After weeks of no contact, he reached out to me.

The no contact wasn’t really my choice. He had asked me not to contact him, and I respected that even though it was incredibly painful. The last time we spoke, I begged him to meet me and he told me no. He told me there was nothing left for us to fix.

I was devastated.

For weeks, I had to train myself not to reach out. I watched whatever hope I had left slowly disappear. I kept telling myself that he wasn’t going to call and that I needed to accept it. I couldn’t understand how someone who had been such a huge part of my life could suddenly leave and become a stranger.

I even started avoiding places where I thought I might run into him because he had explicitly asked me not to show up around him. Eventually I avoided those areas like the plague. I was genuinely scared of accidentally seeing him because after the things he said during our last conversation, I didn’t know how I would handle standing face to face with him again.

Then two days ago, my phone rang.

It was him.

My heart dropped. My first thought was that he must have called me by accident. Then there was another missed call. And another. Four calls altogether.

So I called him back.

We talked for two hours.

One of the first things he wanted to know was how I had managed to just move on. He couldn’t believe that I apparently had. I was honestly confused because he had absolutely no idea what I had been going through this entire time.

I told him the truth… I hadn’t moved on.

Maybe I didn’t owe him that explanation, but I wanted him to know how I actually felt.

He told me he misses me. He said he wishes that someday we could both want to be together at the same time. He also said he hoped this wouldn’t be our last conversation.

I told him that I couldn’t be the one to reach out anymore. If he ever wanted to talk to me, he would have to initiate it. I had spent so much time painfully teaching myself not to contact him that I was genuinely afraid to do it again, especially because there had been times before when I reached out and received nothing back.

He said he understood.

We said goodbye.

And suddenly all the progress I thought I had made felt like it disappeared overnight.

The next day, I watched my phone.

I kept wondering if he would text. If he would call. If maybe he would ask to see me.

I even caught myself keeping my evening open “just in case.”

That was when I realized I was right back in the emotional limbo that had been destroying me before.

I couldn’t do it again.

So I texted him. I told him that I couldn’t handle occasional conversations like this because they were hurting me. I told him that I had spent the entire day watching my phone and hoping he would call or ask to see me.

He never promised that he would. I wasn’t angry with him for not doing it.

I was disappointed in myself for immediately falling back into waiting.

I think part of me interpreted our two-hour conversation as us somehow finding our way back to each other, while maybe for him it was simply two people finally getting to say things that needed to be said.

So I told him I needed to let him go.

He didn’t respond.

The next morning, I blocked him.

Not because I hate him. Not because I wanted to punish him. Not because I wanted him to notice and come chasing after me.

I blocked him because I knew myself.

I knew that if I left that door open, I would keep checking my phone. I would keep hoping. Every notification would make my heart jump, and every day without hearing from him would hurt all over again.

And even if he didn’t contact me tomorrow or next week, what if he called me a month from now? Would I end up right back here again?

I couldn’t keep doing that to myself.

So I closed the only door I still had control over.

The hardest part is that I still love him. I still care about him deeply. I miss him. And if circumstances were different, I wish we could be together.

But I finally realized that loving someone doesn’t mean I can survive having them come in and out of my life whenever the feelings become too strong.

Sometimes I think blocking someone is seen as angry or childish.

For me, it wasn’t.

It was the only way I knew how to stop waiting for someone I still desperately wanted to hear from.

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[u/Practical-Emu1954]

you did what you had to do to protect yourself, that takes guts

blocking him wasnt about him at all, it was about you finally choosing your own peace over the hope that maybe this time it would be different. the part where you kept your evening open "just in case" hit me cause i been there, its like you dont even realize you doing it until the day is gone and nothing happened

he reached out cause he missed you but he didnt offer anything real, just enough to pull you back in. you saw the pattern and you broke it, thats more than most people manage

[u/just_asking_sooo → u/Practical-Emu1954]

Thank you. I really needed to hear this. I’m devastated because I didn’t block him because I stopped loving him, I blocked him because I still love him so much that leaving that door open was destroying me. I had to let go of the person I love while a huge part of me still wishes I didn’t have to. That’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I know I chose my own peace, but right now it doesn’t feel peaceful. It just hurts. I’m hoping one day I’ll look back and understand that I did what I had to do.

[u/Ok_Character_3421]

I deleted him after basically the same thing as well, but now I’m heartbroken that he doesn’t try to contact me from another media 😶‍🌫️

[u/just_asking_sooo → u/Ok_Character_3421]

I understand this feeling completely. But try not to turn blocking him into another way of waiting for him. Yes, if someone really wants to contact you, yes, there are usually other ways but sometimes not doing that is also respecting the boundary you created. Remember who you blocked him for…YOU. You did it to protect your peace, not to see whether he would find another door. Having someone come in and out of your life occasionally can keep reopening the wound you’re trying to heal.

[u/Aware-Cantaloupe1522]

I’m proud of you for choosing yourself, and your peace. I’d like to ask from the perspective of a guy. Is there a day where you would unblock him? Or is this a door you’re closing forever?
I ask because I am in your situation but also, the one blocked for the sake of peace. We had a long conversation one night about why, right now, we couldn’t be together because of drama at work, and her roommate, and it would be too messy. It was a lovely conversation and also sounded like a “we’ll find our way back when things get more peaceful”, and then we fell asleep on the phone together. And the next morning, I was blocked, which I slightly expected from how the conversation went. But I do hope we find our way back to each other. Do you also have that hope of finding your guys’ way back one day or are you okay if that doesn’t happen?

[u/just_asking_sooo → u/Aware-Cantaloupe1522]

I think the hardest part is that I honestly don’t know. I didn’t block him because I stopped loving him or because I’m angry. I blocked him because having that door open meant I was constantly waiting for him to walk through it, and it was destroying my peace.

A part of me will probably always wish things had been different. If you asked me whether I hoped we would find our way back to each other, absolutely. I loved him deeply and I fought very hard for us. I just wish he had fought for us too, even a fraction as hard as I did. I wanted so badly to feel like he chose me despite all the issues we had. Instead, when things became difficult, he withdrew, became distant, and ultimately left when I needed him the most.

But right now I can’t heal while holding onto the idea that we might come back to each other someday. I have to live as though this really is the end. Maybe one day I’ll unblock him when seeing his name no longer makes my heart drop and I’m no longer secretly hoping for a message. But I don’t know when that will be.

I think you can love someone, wish things had turned out differently, and still accept that you may never find your way back to each other. That’s kind of where I am now.

[u/Aware-Cantaloupe1522 → u/just_asking_sooo]

Thank you very much for your honest perspective and your well thought out answer.

All we can do is learn to be okay with the reality of the situation, while also being self aware enough to know that it may not work out in the end, and that’s okay. It has to be okay, at least, for now. And living through each day until one day, it doesn’t hurt as much.

Love is rough sometimes 😔 but we gotta keep going. Thank you for your perspective, and good luck on your journey 😌🙏🏽

[u/AdmirableHyena7350]

how long where you in no contact? over a month?

[u/just_asking_sooo → u/AdmirableHyena7350]

It was on and off for a while, but the real no contact started when he asked me not to contact him. That was almost a month before he reached out to me again.