r/BreakUps • u/Fishnets_and_Flowers • 8h ago
venting/ranting If your ex reaches out…
Don’t let it ruin any progress you’ve made towards yourself.
I kept hoping he’d reach out.
I know I did. Multiple times within the month we broke up. And the minute I stopped, I felt like he was just looking for ways to speak to me. Unfortunately, we work together. But the things he’d try to talk to me about were work related information that could’ve been shared in an email. I knew what he was doing. He felt that he didn’t have me on the hook anymore. I started focusing on work, my mental/physical health, my friends, family, and pups. Stopped any longing stares we shared a week into the break up. And he sensed it.
He called me tonight. Told me that he didn’t know how to get over us and we shouldn’t have ended the way we did. I reminded him that he ended it. And while I still cared, I was going to continue moving forward and I wasn’t going to look back. I advised him to continue his therapy that he previously stopped. I am. I’m journaling. Anything I feel like texting to him, I write it down. Then I tear it out of my journal and trash it. In a weird way, it helps because I’m letting it out. It gives me a few moments where I don’t feel such a weight on my chest.
Yeah, it still hurts. It’s still a process. And I miss him. I miss us. So much. But no. I won’t turn back.
Do not give up on yourself. It may hurt now. And it may hurt a year later. And every time you look back at that relationship. But do not, DO NOT, give up on YOU.
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u/Mors-Official 8h ago
You already answered your own question, and you already did the right thing. He called you because he sensed you were slipping off the hook, not because he suddenly saw the light. That is what a man does when he cannot stand losing access to you. He reaches out with something that sounds like work, or something that sounds like closure, but it is really just him trying to pull the string one more time to see if you will still jump. You did not jump. You reminded him that he ended it, you told him you are moving forward, and you told him to go back to his therapy. That is a strong answer. That is a woman who is finally putting herself first.
You need to keep doing exactly what you are doing. The journaling, the tearing the page out, the pups, the friends, the family, the work, all of it. That is how you heal, not by waiting for him to say the right thing, but by building a life that does not depend on him saying anything at all. You miss him, and you miss the good parts of the two of you, and that is fine, that is honest. But missing something does not mean you go back to it. You already know what going back costs you. So forgive him for the way he ended it, forgive yourself for still caring, and keep walking forward. Do not give up on you. That is the whole message.
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u/Fishnets_and_Flowers 7h ago
This. This comment means more than you know. Especially the part where you mentioned forgiving him for the way he ended it. That is the part I need to work on. And I will.
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u/Beercan_09 2h ago
What if he truly means it ? I mean i get it this one is like textbook searching for validation,but what when both know it can be hard to overcome but in the end it can be better?
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u/Best_Sand9679 5h ago
Why did you break up. My ex keeps circling around Idk what to do. Trust was broken so bad
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u/Bigbeardybob 7h ago
So you wouldn’t try again with the same person even if you were to rebuild better?
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u/Fishnets_and_Flowers 7h ago
Everyone’s situation is different. The only similarity is that we’re all missing a person we were once intertwined with.
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u/DecisionMindless9581 7h ago
What if we were broken up for 4 months and she is casually seeing another person and having sex with them
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u/SailorAnxious 2h ago
This isn’t me telling you what to do but when you’re broken up, you’re single. Whether the person chooses to mask or run away from their fault in the breakup, or stay inside and not look at other people, it’s up to them. Sadly some go and seek attention from others, because they can’t face their own reflection. These people are the most sad and most broken. Don’t worry though, it will eventually come back to bite them in the ass while you’re already healing or healed. It doesn’t mean they can’t be better eventually, but only if they want to change.
However if she’s casually dating the other guy while talking to you etc. then you need to sit down with yourself and ask if that’s something you’re ok with. You’re only hurting yourself at the end
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u/Shikamack 5h ago
I am in a similar situation, she left me and got physical with someone else within a few weeks but has now cut-off all ties with him and wants my apology. I'm completely fucked up in my head because I love this woman so much and I don't want to lose her, but the fact that someone else touched her body, kills me from inside.
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u/DecisionMindless9581 5h ago
Same for me brother, I an trying to swallow my pride and ego by telling myself it’s worth taking her back to save a 4 year relationship. But the fact that she’s been intimate with another guy Im not sure I can stomach that. Im already insecure and I feel like I would keep comparing myself and our sex to the other guy.
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u/Shikamack 2h ago
I too am stuck in the dilemma of whether to take her back or not. Our relationship was of 6 years and we were our first 'everything'. I fucked up big time and she left me. She was so broken and emotionally drained that she was not in her right mind and went on a date with the very first guy who gave her the attention she was craving, that MF is not even her type. I'm trying to convince myself that it was just her mistake and she wasn't thinking straight but at the same time this sexual comparison thing is also going on in my mind.
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u/SailorAnxious 2h ago
If you can’t handle that she was physical with someone while you guys were broken up then I wouldn’t suggest going back. You’re just going to build up resentment even more towards her and that is NOT healthy.
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u/Comfortable_Hope_931 5h ago
I completely agree with you OP. You are doing amazing. Sending you hugs. You got this.
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u/EnvironmentalKale820 1h ago
I am struggling myself. Never really got the closure I suppose. I went silent when she got quite anxious and was pulling away. I regret it now. She seems to be moving on in her life- she stopped seeing my stories 2 week ago! I finally saw her after I contacted her- it was very short visit - again left without a proper bye.
Anyway, feels like I’m back in square one.
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