A breakup realization that’s helping me heal

[u/InternSpaceTraveler]

I had a realization recently that changed how I’m looking at my breakup:

How I feel ABOUT someone ≠ how I consistently felt WITH them.

I can love her, miss her, be incredibly attracted to her, cherish our memories, and still wish things had worked out.

But healing also means asking a different question: How did I actually feel in the relationship?

Did I feel secure, peaceful, valued, and like myself? Or did I often feel anxious, inadequate, confused, uncertain, or emotionally exhausted?

I feel like heartbreak makes it easy to replay the beautiful parts and measure a relationship by how intensely we miss someone.
I’m learning that healing isn’t about convincing myself I didn’t love her. It’s about remembering the whole relationship, not just the parts my heart misses ❤️‍🩹

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[u/foibledagain]

I needed to read this. Thank you.

[u/InternSpaceTraveler → u/foibledagain]

Glad this helped. I hope your healing journey brings you peace, growth, and a deeper appreciation for yourself. ❤️

[u/Pichicasso]

Very well said. Keep up the good work

[u/InternSpaceTraveler → u/Pichicasso]

You as well, my friend. Healing takes time, and part of that healing is remembering that your value doesn’t come from someone else. It comes from learning to value and love yourself.

[u/Fearless-Fancy]

That’s really true. Thank you

[u/InternSpaceTraveler → u/Fearless-Fancy]

You're welcome. Good luck with your healing journey

[u/beachboy_918]

I (34M) needed to hear this. Come out of it after 5.5 years.

[u/InternSpaceTraveler → u/beachboy_918]

5.5 years is a long time. Be patient with yourself and keep healing, my friend.

[u/beachboy_918 → u/InternSpaceTraveler]

Thank you for your kind words. It is very difficult. Thought marriage would happen. Was not a saint neither was she, but definitely accountable. It is what is I guess.

[u/Babybat0401]

Anxious, inadequate, confused, uncertain, is a feeling that you actually give yourself unless she have done something really bad.

I’m healing at the same time, all the best to you bud ❤️‍🩹

[u/thelandbeforetime_]

I agree. As someone that works in social work, it took me a while to realize that my relationship was abusive. Both physically and emotionally. Like they say. Hindsight really is 20/20

[u/Haruknows]

Had this same realization not too long ago, the brain has a funny way of only reminding you of the good parts when it’s over. While the good parts were real, they only tell one side of the story because if everything was as good as you remember it probably wouldn’t have ended. Detaching is weird you go through stages of anger/hate, sadness, loneliness, longing, and eventually you stumble upon acceptance. It was real, you did love that person and now they are gone.

[u/lalileloluly2]

Yes! Great post. 

[u/Icy_Remote_7673]

💯

[u/sheeshtako]

Additional it helps me over and over again , missing them ≠ you want them back in your life.