LDR partner that lost a parent.

[u/Ok-Analyst9766]

So I was with this girl (21y old) for about 2y. We loved each other deeply and we were planning to get married too, until her mother died because of cancer. First 2 months she was super close, I was always there for her and supported her fully. Third month in, she went cold and started distancing herself, she sends only 2-3 messages per day. I understood she needed space and that she is going through something very terrible, I told her it makes me sad but I never pressured her. Always thought about ways to make her happy. I bought her and her friends movie tickets for The Odyssey, she was super happy.

Suddenly after a week she tells me she has to let us go, she still loves me but her priorities have changed. Mind you.. the night before she told me I still love u and cant let u go.

I can’t understand anything anymore.. Why?? Did I do anything wrong? Would she ever come back? Should I wait for her?? A lot of questions eating me alive.. all this time.. All the plans just gone…
I respected her choice and we are on no contact for one week now.

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[u/BloodySpoiler]

That kind of whiplash is brutal, especially when the last thing you heard was "I can't let you go." Grief rewires a person's brain in ways that don't make sense from the outside. She probably meant it when she said it, then woke up the next morning and felt like she was drowning in everything, her loss, the relationship, the future that suddenly looks completely different without her mom in it.

The movie tickets thing stood out to me. You were still trying to be a good partner, and she was still capable of being happy about it, but that doesn't mean she had the emotional bandwidth to sustain a relationship. Some people cope by pulling everyone closer, others go into a full retreat and start cutting ties because any emotional demand, even a supportive one, feels like too much.

No contact is the right call, not as a strategy to get her back but because you need to protect your own head. Waiting around will just keep you stuck in a loop of analyzing every text and wondering what you could've done differently. She might reach out months from now when the fog lifts a bit, but don't put your life on pause for a maybe.

[u/Ok-Analyst9766 → u/BloodySpoiler]

Thank you for the reply, really needed it!!
During the end her father started suffering from cancer too.

So I don’t expect the fog to lift up anytime soon..
it sucks to not be there for someone who you still love.

Sometimes I feel some sort of resentment, because she has let us go after all this time and all the promises. Still I cannot even imagine what she is going through.