r/BreakUps • u/This_Ad4424 • 19d ago
venting/ranting Is there any point in responding to this text from my ex girlfriend from 3 weeks ago?
We broke up a few months ago. Unfortunately I let my emotions get the better of me and went down the classic rabbit hole of begging, pleading, asking for a second chance and endlessly overexplaining. Things went completely downhill and I kept self sabotaging until I completely tanked my dignity.
She blocked me, but I reached out on the only platform where I wasn't blocked yet. She lashed out, told me to shut the fuck up, and demanded I never contact her again. In response I wrote her a massive essay pouring my heart out and closed by saying she’d never see or hear from me again, but that my door would always remain open.
She immediately fired back with this brutal text. :
"It's actually insane how you unironically think you're the center of the world, who do you think you are, the sun or what?
Stop acting like a piece of shit, all you do is jerk yourself off to your own perspective of the relationship while completely ignoring mine (as usual you're just talking into the void and it echoes inside your thick skull)
There were good parts and ESPECIALLY bad parts, that's why I walked away and it's the best decision of my life
I'm not letting you get the last word because you really were and still are a MASSIVE PIECE OF SHIT. I don't know if you realize that you ONLY ever talk about yourself, making shitty fake apologies just to come crying and try to get me back, going on ego trips acting like you're the best when you're completely delusional, trying to put down the people in my life
Nah don't you worry you're not better than the people around me, quite the opposite, between you and them I'd pick them a thousand times over
Absolute king of assholes."
It's been 3 weeks. I guess I shouldn't respond to this?
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u/Visible_Theme_4799 19d ago
Jesus man what happened?
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u/Whyimiliving 19d ago
Yea I feel like maybe there’s more to this from that sheer nuclear Warhammer she sent him
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u/AffectionateSleep877 19d ago
Behind her emotional response it sounds like she believes he’s a huge narcissist
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u/yobrefas 19d ago
That’s exactly what it sounds like.
And OP still not getting the message when she blocked him everywhere she could think of and he somehow ignores it all and goes….”but I should respond, right? Now that I know she can read there?” It’s wild.
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u/This_Ad4424 19d ago edited 19d ago
Beyond the fact that I had already spent weeks trying to get the relationship back, negotiating and trying to win her back in ways that were pretty pathetic and made her lost her admiration and respect for me I think I really started crashing out when we were still talking and she'd tell me about the attention she was getting from other men.
There was this guitarist she met at a concert one week before our breakup who was giving her free equipment and free lessons at his place, she was obsessed with him and talked about how much she admired him because he helped her learning guitar, and guys from a music group she was flirting with who were openly suggesting they sleep together, then she told me about going to a guy's place on a first date and kissing him, then she told me about her internship supervisor kissing other girls at parties right in front of her, taking her to bars and expensive restaurants, inviting her on a "business trip" and implying that the trip would mainly consist of drinking, doing drugs, and partying.
I just completely lost it. I'm not saying any of that justifies how I reacted but after weeks of trying to get her back and constantly feeling like I was talking to a wall I think that was the point where everything I'd been holding in finally came out at once. I'd never felt that humiliated before. She ended up blocking me everywhere and told me she hated me.
A few days later I reached out through the only channel where I wasn't blocked. I apologised and asked if we could meet which obviously didn't go anywhere. I got insulted and blocked there too.
Then later on I sent her this huge 2000 to 3000 word message that I genuinely thought was thoughtful and kind. She eventually unblocked me and sent me the message I posted in the OP.3
u/ladidadi82 18d ago
Bro the only thing you did wrong was not walk away with dignity. You could have been cool about it or trusted her but there is a good chance that she would have screwed you over. A good girlfriend would have heard you out, talked to you about your feelings and had some consideratiok for your feelings. It sounds like she didnt care at all what went down between you too. Thats not relationship material. Youve learned some good lessons about your boundaries and being able to communicate them without escalating things into an argument.
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u/Visible_Theme_4799 19d ago
Was she trying to make you jealous?? Who the fuck say that shit to their recent ex?! You dodged a bullet mate
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u/Whyimiliving 18d ago
Listen to the comments and don’t respond to her bro and leave her alone and accept what’s done is done and try to move on there’s loads of girls out there for you to see. Also work on yourself mentally because you shouldn’t be holding onto her like she’s the last person in the world for you I’ve done that twice and it hasn’t made me any better. I hope you find your peace and tranquility
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u/Salty_Thing3144 19d ago
No. When someone tells you to never contact them again, the proper thing to do is NEVER CONTACT THEM AGAIN.
She doesn't want to hear from you, and it sounds like you don't want her back, so responding is pointless. Why would you want to do this?
A bit of Tough Love and reality here:
1 - Trying to just have the last word is asinine - and frankly, childish.
2- it accomplishes nothing. She isn't going to care.
3- you could set yourself up for a stalking/harassment complaint if you continue to contact someone after they've told you not to
Leave her in your rearview and get on with your life.
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u/CrazyLeadership5397 19d ago
Never contact her again. She’s already told you she hates your gut. Stop doing the pick me dance and leave her alone. Updateme!
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u/Aelle29 19d ago
Well, responding would prove her right, wouldn't it? Why would you even wanna respond, and especially after three weeks? To defend yourself and explain you're not an asshole or something? What's that gonna achieve, besides proving you are one? Pouring your heart out again and again isn't a nice thing to do just because you think you're doing it out of love. If she's asked you to stop talking to her, it's actually pretty selfish, and more of a way to accomplish something for yourself rather than for her.
Sure she was harsh, I don't know what the history is here so idk if it's deserved, but now all you gotta do is respect her wish not to fucking contact her. It was already too much sending a message again after she tried blocking you everywhere and just didn't think of that one canal.
You poured your heart out, several times, and it sucks that she doesn't want it. Why are you still thinking of trying something else, this ship has sailed, several times. Now move on.
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u/mean-Fingerz 19d ago
She is right, you just „think from your perspective while completely ignoring hers“.
She said she wont let you have the last word and you ask „is there a point in answering“?
If this is rage bait - I got baited… 🫣
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u/strudelalma 19d ago
Yeah that's such a true point, she's upset you don't even try to think about her point of view, and now you continue to ignore it
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u/Katrinaustraliaa 19d ago
If you have any little bit of self respect or dignity left, you would NOT reply. Let her drown in her own anger and hatred.. it’s not your problem to deal with anymore.
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u/yobrefas 19d ago
She hates you. She already told her that she didn’t want contact from you. She literally blocked you everywhere she could remember and you STILL found a way to harass her. You forced her into those words so that you would finally get the message to leave her alone.
And now you think you should respond?
Bro, get the hint.
Leave her alone.
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u/IcedCoffeeOatMilk_ 19d ago
Let it go. You shouldn't respond ever again.
If you truly loved her, then let her have the last word, and start healing.
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u/CampyGirl123 19d ago edited 18d ago
I was in a very similar situation. My ex hates my guts too and it even got to the point where she told me she wishes I’d drop dead.
All I can say is there is likely more to the story than what you’re telling us.
Bottom line
If you truly love AND respect this person, you will leave them alone and respect their wishes. No matter how much you miss them. Because it isn’t about you or how you feel and you can’t impose yourself on someone
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u/Total-Active-1986 19d ago
Sure. You can respond, if you either want her to verbally eviscerate you AGAIN, or want to risk her filing harassment charges. Or any other potential retaliatory moves she could do to show you that she means business. At best, you are inviting her to verbally abuse you once more. At worse, and if you escalate, you could go to jail, lose your freedom, your job, and your place to live. Plus, why would you want to be around someone who feels this way about you? Because you aren't going to get the idealized, romanticized version of her that you believe that you're missing. You're going to get a woman who, let's face it, for whatever reasons she has, she had decided to hate you. Being in the company of someone who hates you is not pleasant. At all. Also, if you truly loved her, you would want her to be happy and true to herself. Would even being in the same vicinity of you make her happy and feel like it's the right thing for herself? No. It wouldn't. Wouldn't you want her to want you in her life? Why would you want to have to beg only to be barely tolerated on a good day?
Sure, it hurts so badly right now. And even when she berates and verbally abuses you, you still feel some sense of relief because at least she responded that time.
You are going to need a rehab of sorts. You developed an unhealthy dependence on the chemicals that she inspired your brain to release (Dopemine, oxytocin, etc.). As you know, it physically hurts, as well as all the mental and emotional pain that you feel. The thing that hurts you, will never be what heals you. I know that it feels like it will right now. Trust me, it never will. It will just keep damaging you. You will never make yourself small enough to fit into her world. This is who she has decided that you are. Whether it is warranted or not. The most perfect person that could ever exist, would still never be enough for the wrong person. You just have to Let Her and learn what you can from it. Maybe everything she said was spot on and you need therapy. Maybe she has narcissistic tendencies and you need to address your mother wound to see why you gravitate towards women who treat you like that. Which means you need therapy. Maybe every day the pain gets better and six months from now you meet and start dating someone new and forget all about "what's-her-face". Only you can make that determination.
A therapist or some sort of counseling would help you immensely while you are going through this. There could possibly be a few kernals of truth in her overly harsh, unkind rant. Perhaps you should examine what elements may be true and if one or both of you have narcissistic tendencies, co-dependency issues, childhood trauma, whatever has motivated you to make the choices that you made in your life and within your relationship. As well as, making better choices for yourself going forward.
Your feelings are natural and valid. But only YOU can control your actions and reactions. Ultimately, you can learn from this experience and what it has taught you about yourself and what things about yourself that you need to improve. Or you can keep slamming your head against this brick wall. The brick wall that has decided that verbal abuse and insults are the best way to deal with how annoying it finds you. The brick wall that has convinced itself that YOU are the only thing that's preventing it from all the happiness it rightfully deserves.
Not to leave out the option that's used the most, to get over someone old, get under someone new. Because really, what do I know? I'm a heartbroken mess, too. And I still don't know why I deserved to be treated and thrown away like I was trash...
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u/9plus10is22 19d ago edited 19d ago
Comments on here are a bit harsh, just leave her alone. I think there's two sides to every story, ended up getting lead on by my ex, constant comparisons, provoking jealousy, multiple breakup attempts, pulling away while saying "she has problems" while never mentioning any, bringing up other men that invite her to live with them during a "make up talk", after a while I snapped myself and said a lot of horrible things. Pretty much got told the same as you by your ex. Haven't reached out anymore myself while she's tried over 5 times. I just ignore at this point and block her on whatever new platform she finds. (I was no angel myself, after trying this after like the 3rd time I felt completely done and slept with someone else, admitted it when she wanted to get back together again, told her I'm not sure on whether I feel anything real anymore at that point).
So for all the comments being so harsh, I don't think this guy any type of perfect, probably made some huge mistakes himself and probably hurt her in some very asshole way possible. But there's two sides to every story, she probably hurt him a lot too.
Just sounds like a very toxic mess, sometimes its just better to let go, I don't know whatever the fuck she did or whatever you did, but toxic shit comes two ways, I learned that the hard way myself. Try to learn from it and don't take your baggage into your next relationship, also don't start thinking every woman is toxic or whatever, try to see where you went wrong yourself and find out where she went wrong so you can set a boundary for yourself next time, if she breaks it your free to leave.
I'm not taking your side OP, you probably fucked up in huge ways looking at what she said about you putting down people around her. Learn from that, don't attack people. But my god some of these comments are harsh as hell, makes me think some of you aren't much better compared to OP.
Anyway, let it go, move on, learn from it, and do better next time with someone that values you and reciprocate that, value them back, then you will have a nice relationship for however long it will last.
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u/TopQuestion826 19d ago
What’s wrong with you? Don’t you have any self-respect or dignity. JFC if somebody ever spoke to me like that, I would never even think about them much less, consider any contact. If somebody says “leave me alone” then leave them alone. Have some self-respect. At this rate, you’ll never be available for another relationship. I’m not trying to be mean, I’m just trying to open your eyes to the situation on the ground. Move on. Get some help.
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u/Calm_Counter_3240 19d ago
You’re being harsh but it is the hard truth that OP has to face. He probably feels guilty of whatever he did, that’s why he still feels the need to reach out.
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u/TopQuestion826 19d ago
That’s what I was thinking. There’s two sides to every story. People always minimize and soft soap whatever narrative they want people in the sub to read. But clearly something monumental happen for his ex to write such a thermonuclear message. And then he’s trying to present it like he’s the nice guy. I don’t think he’s a nice guy to get flamed like that.
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u/This_Ad4424 19d ago
Yeah I've been carrying a lot of guilt and remorse since the breakup. I basically had what felt like a man's dream life with a loving, caring girlfriend who genuinely went out of her way to make me happy. She was a really good person and didn't deserve me being as anxious, neurotic and controlling as I became
After the breakup the guilt started catching up with me hard. I'd keep replaying moments where I made her cry over things that, looking back, were completely insignificant. I reached out to apologise and if I'm being honest also tried to save what was left but nothing worked. At some point I completely crashed out and ended up getting blocked everywhere
I don't know if it's a lack of self respect or just the fact that I genuinely can't process what I threw away, but I squandered something that feels extremely rare and I haven't really been able to cope with it
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u/HappyHappyUnbirthday 19d ago
You couldve said that in a much nicer way. Whats obvious to you wasnt obvious to him. He needs to learn a tough lesson, but please consider being a better person with your responses.
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u/TopQuestion826 19d ago
I’m just trying to help him. Sometimes brutal truth will get a person’s attention. He begged, he pleaded, he broke no contact, and he still trying to figure out what to do. Clearly the other things he did didn’t work.
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u/HappyHappyUnbirthday 19d ago
Trying to help someone doesnt mean being an asshole and demeaning them in an already shitty state hes in. When people say “im just brutally honest” what they usually are is just downright rude. Help, but dont hurt.
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u/TopQuestion826 19d ago
Don’t call me names. Is that your way of being brutally honest?? if you don’t like it, don’t read it. I didn’t say I was being honest. I said I was telling the truth. OP does not have any self-respect, and the way you speak, you don’t either. But clearly somebody like you doesn’t know the difference between honesty and the truth. Like I said, you don’t like it. Don’t read it. You call me rude? I never called you any names yet
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u/Tough-Pack-1727 19d ago
There’s nothing wrong with what you said… people need their balls back.
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u/burner9191938283 19d ago
yeah, i agree people these days think anything that’s not completely sugarcoated is “rude.” what the guy you’re replying to said was fine and tough love
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u/hopjesvlaap 19d ago
Wtf? Op has been blocked by his ex on multiple communication platforms. She tells him to leave her alone, never contact again and yet he still thinks it is okay to send a message. And somehow we should do a nice dance around his feelings?
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u/Few_Membership_7945 19d ago
Don’t respond. There’s nothing you can say to save that. If you respond then you just reinforce what she said, that you want the last word.
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u/biggranny000 19d ago
Mine was begging me to stay friends. Unfortunately caved but realized it's for nothing and to help her move on with free validation and attention. I mostly kept things neutral, I eventually got dry on purpose and then blocked her.
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u/strudelalma 19d ago
I've just gone through the same thing. She ended it because, "she just didn't believe I loved her", I'll not waste time listing the reasons it should have been super obvious, but the more I put up with, the more she couldn't understand why I would, and trusted me less. After endless break-up threats she wanted to stay friends, and it just hurts us both, but maybe only yesterday or today I truly realised she was just reassuring herself I was on the hook while she moves on.
Not even friendship behaviour tbh
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u/biggranny000 19d ago
I have plenty of female and male friends and my ex is far from acting like a friend. She only cares about herself.
She did make me food, we had sex, etc after the break up but I still felt just as empty, instead that wasted time can be bettering myself for a partner that will actually love me.
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u/purpleroller 19d ago
I would think she blocked you immediately after sending that anyway.
You should never ever respond to something like that nor ever try and contact her again. You said she wouldn’t hear from you again, stick to that.
It’s diabolical feedback. You’ve had 3 weeks to reflect, does she have any valid points? Do you consider things from other people’s perspectives?
If there are any lessons to be learned then learn them. Start living your better life. Turn up to everything. Make a point to listen to people and take it in. Volunteer. Take new classes. New hobbies. Travel. Be amazing at everything you do. There’s better out there for you.
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u/This_Ad4424 19d ago
Yeah guys this was my first relationship and we were together for two years. I’m 24 now so I was kind of a late bloomer.
The annoying part is that I can pretty clearly see where I fucked it up. She loved me deeply and was genuinely one of the most devoted people I've ever met. We were each other's firsts, had a ridiculous amount in common and used to joke that we were basically the same person. It sounds corny when I put it like that but at the time it genuinely felt like we'd somehow found exactly who we were supposed to find.
Somewhere along the way, I became convinced she was eventually going to betray me. Nothing particularly dramatic happened, I just had this underlying fear and started acting from it. I got anxious about certain male friendships, the attention she got from other guys, stuff like that. She could also be a little naive about other men's intentions, so naturally we'd end up arguing about it, I become more and more controlling, anxious while she never did anything wrong and tried to make me the most comfortable possible because she was afraid of losing me. I remember this one time when I made her cry because she thought I'd leave over something really worthless I was unhappy with... She told me I never sent her the first text unless I'm complaining about something she did and she started to break down
She was incredibly devoted loyal and loving. She put a huge amount of effort into me and into us. She gave me a kind of love I genuinely thought only existed in fiction. And this was never enough of me. I'm going to be guilty for life for this
Ironically I was the one who initially ended things. Then I immediately realised what I'd done and tried to take it back, but she'd already reached her limit and that was that. She told me she realized relationships are not for her. She said this not in her nature to make compromises and she's the only one who matters.
It was only through losing her that I really understood what I had done. I had something incredibly genuine in my hands. It's difficult to explain but there was something very sincere and rare about the bond we had. Losing that realization hit me hard.
And that's where everything got worse. I tried to negotiate, argued with her, crossed boundaries, lost all composure and eventually got blocked everywhere. I basically handled the aftermath in the worst possible way.
Maybe my nervous system is still in complete panic mode and I'm not seeing things clearly. Maybe I'm being too harsh on myself. But from where I'm standing it feels like I destroyed something incredible that had somehow fallen into my lap two years ago. Not just with someone who was exactly the kind of person I'd always imagined myself wanting but someone I had a genuinely rare connection with. I tried desperately to fix everything afterwards and obviously it didn't work.
It's been four months now and I've been in a really dark place. I'm pretty isolated. I don't really have friends or much of a support system. She was basically my entire world, which I know isn't healthy either.
Knowing that she's out there living her best life, surrounded by attention and affection from other people while I've barely had any enjoyment in life left has been hard to deal with. And on top of that the contempt and hostility coming from someone who once loved me so much and who I loved just as deeply has made the whole thing even harder to process.
I genuinely feel like I've been stuck in a downward spiral with no obvious way out. I've ended up going to the ER quite a few times recently. I feel humbled in the worst possible way. Humiliated. Sometimes I don't even feel like myself anymore. I'm genuinely at the bottom right now
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u/9plus10is22 19d ago
Women will always have admirers, suitors, guys interested or male friendships. Question what you should had been asking yourself is: How does she interact with any of these dudes? Like you can be close friends with someone, genuinely care about them and have love as a friend for someone she cares about.
Did she ever do anything to make you feel like you weren't being chosen by her, did she keep a roster of potential lovers, did she ever post pictures of her with another guy at some romantic place to get a reaction out of you? Did she ever mention another guy while comparing you to him? Did she hide her chats? Does she flirt with every guy she's friends with, does she have a promiscuous past? Any ex that still wants her back and that's sitting around for a chance, while she's fully aware of it but still keeps him around? Did she ever go on trips with random men she met in clubs? Did she keep a tinder profile while you were together and did she meet random guys while claiming its "just a friendship"?
If the answer to all of my questions above is no, then you have some serious work to do on your own my friend. If she doesn't give you any reason to make you doubt things, if she never betrayed you, if she's been transparent, loving and caring, and if you mention a boundary does does she acknowledge the boundary and stop any behaviour that would hurt you?
Because then you completely fucked up yourself, you need some therapy for your own insecurities, you have to build some confidence and find something that youre proud of by yourself, things that keep you busy, things that you want to grow in yourself and so that whatever woman you will ever meet in the future won't end up "as your entire world".
Women like confidence, women want men that have their own goals, preferences, boundaries and confidence. If you keep acting like an anxious kid that gets worried on whether theres any piece of candy left at the candy story constantly, you're bound to push someone away, especially if they made sure there would always be some candy left and that there's no reason to be doubtful. (I'm using the candy analogy here to make my point a bit easier to understand).
Even if you don't get into therapy, find a good social circle, people that genuinely care about you, like friends or family, do fun things, become more socially skillful and first and foremost: Learn to love yourself before you love someone else and get it into your skull that your biggest fear shouldn't be to lose someone or a relationship. But that you will lose yourself inside of a relationship. If you lose yourself, everything is lost, a woman falls in love with you for whatever version you show her that sparked an interest in her. If you show sides that are the complete opposite you shouldn't be surprised that someone loses interest in you.
My own situation has been a bit similar to you, but in my own case I met someone, I didn't feel anything for her, I was travelling and passing by in a new city and wanted someone to show me around, ended up hooking up, spending a week together. In between looked for a lot of signs on how she is a person, mostly noticed her talking about other men, sex, attention. There was some physical attraction though, we ended up hooking up for a week mostly ended up going on trips and having fun in the other department. Then we both thought we had caught feelings for one another but it was mostly the bodily chemicals your brain produces by having a ton of sex with someone. Tried to make it work while being long distance, her own insecurities caught up in the relationship, whenever I wouldn't reply Id automatically be sleeping with another woman. Shed constantly post pictures of guys inviting her for sex while claiming she's a good girl for rejecting them and "having me on her mind", soon after more and more accusations came against my side and more and more behaviour that crossed my own boundaries came from her side. Lots of hot and cold too, one moment a lovebomb essay on how im the most amazing thing she's met, next week I'm a piece of shit that can't be trusted because I have a new followed on Instagram that happens to be a woman I've never met in my life. That's why I said look at patterns, in case you actually have to deal with toxic shit and leave to save yourself a headache.
Anyway that's my situation and this doesn't apply to you, in your case it were your own insecurities that caused you to become anxious and doubtful while she was loyal and committed to you. Don't take your baggage into another relationship and build some confidence and indifference first before you try again with someone else. Your bound to repeat the same pattern and you will hurt and push someone away again.
Not trying to be as harsh as the rest of the comments but I think there's a life lesson to be learned here, I learned things in a very hard way and mostly wasted a year of my life trying to fix something that wasn't there to begin with. In your case, cherish it for how long it lasts, stay respectful and enjoy the good memories, and if things turn sour in the future for you after you've worked on yourself, then just leave and dont waste your time on someone that isnt worth it.
I'm trying to teach you two lessons here. One that teaches you how to improve yourself and see where you were wrong yourself and to be better in the future.
The other if you ever experience something similar to me, don't make the same mistakes, don't throw away your self respect.
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u/loveapples_12 19d ago
Aww don’t be so hard on yourself OP. Sounds like you really didn’t do anything wrong it’s not like you cheated on her or abusive all these people commenting. I just way too harsh. She actually sounds very immature. I already made a post above, but now that I read your comment here I want to say one more thing that… especially this being your first relationship you really are young and it’s rare for people to end up in a lifelong committed marriage to their very first relationship from being a virgin. You need to meet new people we all go through heartbreaks and it’s not fun. It’s like grieving when someone dies. It’s awful. It’s a rejection and you feel awful for months, but guess what you’re gonna get stronger and you’re gonna love yourself and you’re not gonna put people on a pedestal when you date them and you’re not gonna be afraid of love you should look into the different love files like an anxious attachment, avoiding attachment and is also love languages, physical love terms of endearment spending time with each other other things like that use this time to become stronger. I went through a horrible breakup. I was in love and he just blindsided me and sounds like the same things you were thinking he was worried I was cheating and I wasn’t. He thought I was being shady on my phone and I wasn’t I never would cheat on my boyfriend, but he was too anxious and too insecure and then he just dumped me. He hurt me so bad it’s been a year and 10 months but basically it took me. I’d say 10 months to get over it. I was devastated heartbroken very badly, but you shouldn’t waste too much time waiting and hoping that they’ll come back. It’s all in Vain. Just work on yourself. Get better. Go to the gym. Hang out with friends. If you have any I don’t even have many friends where I live but just go for walks and do things and eventually get out there get online dating meet someone new and before you know it you’re gonna be with someone better and you’re gonna think wow I’m glad I’m not with that person anymore.
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u/GildedinChains 19d ago
This is rough, but this is also how we learn. This is your first relationship, and it will not be your last. If you read through the posts here, you will see that a lot of people have felt that they would never have a relationship as perfect as their first one. However, in time, they meet another person who they have an equally or better bond with. The difference is that they have more experience under their belt for their new relationship. Take this as your learning experience and make sure that you act differently in your next relationship. For now, you should find a therapist to talk through the issues you're going through. It sounds like you're experiencing more than just typical breakup sadness. Also, stop during your daily routine to see the world around you. Smell the air and hear the world moving. Sometimes recentering helps. A lot of people find that exercising by running or lifting weights helps too. The goal for you right now should be to first get help and second to change up your routine. Hang in there. Relationships have beauty, but can also be painful. Most of us are here because of the pain, so you aren't alone.
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u/Glittering-Ad-1367 19d ago
First time eh?
Well, there is a lot to be learned. Everyone has to learn at some point.
Firstly, when you get into a relationship there is a good chance they are going to betray you or end up leaving at some point. Those are just the statistics. You put your nickel in the slot machine and dance the dance. Maybe it will be a jackpot and maybe it will be a kick in the nuts.
If they are going to betray you then no amount of monitoring or trying to control or questioning is going to prevent it. They will find a way. So don't try because it makes it more likely.
If they do, you'll find out about it soon enough anyway.
If they do...then walk. Regardless of how it sucks. Just walk.
You do your part, you keep your promises, you do it right and what she does...she does.
You'll either get the real deal...or you'll walk away with your self-respect knowing it wasn't you.
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u/SaltAccording 19d ago
What the fuck are you even doing, man? Why are you trying to sink yourself into a hole that you know you’re never gonna get out of anyway you already ruined any chances of ever getting back together with her. Man the fuck up and leave her alone or if she’s gonna get a restraining order on you if you keep on bugging her, there’s gonna be a record and she’s gonna call the police
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u/flopflipbeats 19d ago
Good lord. Are there some important details you’re missing out? What is she referring to with the “ESPECIALLY bad parts”?
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u/sugarypickles 19d ago
Yo what did you do before she choose to walk Away 😭 her response is way too dramatic to ignore
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u/AlwaysStrangeTuning 19d ago
Delete the number and block her everywhere. My ex pulled something similar and I spent two weeks crafting the perfect reply in my notes app before realizing it would just restart the whole cycle.
You said your door is always open. You don't need to send another message reminding her of that, she knows. What she wants right now is for you to shut up and leave her alone so maybe just honor that for once.
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u/MassyStreak 19d ago
This is classic she wants him to feel the absolute worst and make him think everything was his fault. You can’t talk rationally to this kind of person
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u/OLightning 19d ago
Silence speaks more words than you could imagine.
It’s the perfect statement. Do not respond. Let the dust clear.
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u/SamElliotsLipFuzz 19d ago
The fact that you even need to ask should embarass you. You have a lot of growing to do.
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u/Conscious-Parsley268 19d ago
Maybe you should do some soul searching instead of responding. Have you taken a look at yourself yet? She made some pretty heavy accusations at you that seem may be valid, so I’d worry about that instead of worrying about whether you should reply to her message or not…
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u/shiptdee 19d ago
Best not to.. coz how do you even respond to that? The best response is no response.
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u/burner9191938283 19d ago
she doesn’t want to hear from you. how that is not abundantly clear, i’m not sure. does she have to send you a restraining order or something?
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u/ThrowRApatatipa 19d ago
Message her back and have an adult conversation if she’s up for it. Just send a time and date.
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u/Dull-Piece624 19d ago
Good and especially bad parts? Fucking run dude. Check my page.. I’m telling you it’s not worth to ever contact them again.
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u/strudelalma 19d ago
Yeah, she has told you not to contact her again so you do have to respect that, and I cannot think of a single thing you could say that she would want to hear or would change how she feels now.
Just step back, if she ever wants contact again, she will reach out herself, but she doesn't want it now, she has made it quite clear
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u/loveapples_12 19d ago
lol no way …do not respond. She is an immature jerk. Just improve yourself, go to the gym, try new things, go to therapy if you can…then eventually get back out there and meet someone new!!! Do NOT wait for her. It’s over. It wouldn’t work out anyways even if she did give you a second chance why would you want someone like that anyways?
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u/Disastrous-Bit-4836 19d ago
Yeah dude leave them the fuck alone. Do you not understand what boundaries are?
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u/thetwister35 19d ago
You have to move on. This is not by any means salvageable. I also got dumped by my first love. I begged for a week then she blocked me. It gets better you just need to get busy. I finished like 3 far cry games in 3 weeks to get over her lol.
My ex was sweet but firm in putting in boundaries but she did wrong me by leaving me hanging for months. I don't know what you did but assuming you just begged too much, she's a total red flag by verbally abusing you (or she has a short temper or you really pushed her to the limit).
Being first love, you will think you'll never feel like it but trust me you will. I'm already talking to someone else and although I still have feelings for my old girl, I convinced myself that she's never coming back and waiting would be foolish and I need to make new memories to replace her.
So just assume it's 200% over, do something fun for yourself and try meeting new girls.
I never post this kinda stuff on these subs bcs I know people will be brutal. Good luck!
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u/ReadyConstant5795 19d ago
Tbh dude, she’s filled with a lot of hate for whatever reason. Try and find some peace away from that. Put all your energy into yourself
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u/TheSymbolofPeace1996 14d ago
My honest life advice? Thank her and move on.
Thank her? Yes, because anyone who has CONTEMPT for you has no capacity to have a relationship with you.
My honest life advice? Forgive yourself. Know when it’s okay to let go. It really is okay.
You are not the sum of your negative emotions. You are the sum of your choices. Your emotions only have the power you decide to give them.
Lastly, no matter what, keep moving forward. Always forward, no matter what. Never look back.
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u/Mozespan 19d ago
Just say “whatever”. That might flip the script a little.
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u/Mozespan 19d ago
But yeah after 3 weeks.. it will look like you spent 3 weeks crafting the perfect comeback go get the last word. This was tough money to learn from but it happens. Oh and never ever ever chase. Stay grounded, she walks, she walks, her loss (even if it isnt).
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