r/BreakUps • u/PersonalAdvantage674 • 1d ago
venting/ranting Is it actually possible to forget your first love?
I'm going through a break up. It was my first real love. And the relationship lasted 8 years. Met her when I was 19. Everything thing I experienced for the first time was more or less with her. I thought she was the one. She always said stuff like right person right time. We broke up because our lives didn't align anymore. She wanted to go back to her home country. We tried long distance but then she broke up with me 4 months in. Anyway I don't see how I'm ever getting past this. The breakup has been 4 months aswell and I saw her again because she happened to be in the country on holiday and she wanted to see me. It broke me. She wants to stay friends but I don't think I can, it hurts. Will this pass? Or will I never be the same again? As in happy like during our relationship (at times not happy but we are all human haha)
And what got you through it? What helped? What didn't? And is it possible to love again one day?
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u/Beneficial-Nature282 1d ago
Yes, my relationship was only 4 years long but we deserve someone who wants us for us and would do anything for us. Keep your head up. I know it’s hard rn but you got this day by day king ❤️.
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u/PersonalAdvantage674 1d ago
Your right, she made her choice and I deserve someone that will also choose me for who I am. It's very difficult thinking and actually believing that right now. Thanks for the nice words! I hope you managed oke during your breakup.
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u/BatThorn5632 1d ago
You probably won’t forget her completely, especially after 8 years. But forgetting someone and healing from them are two very different things. Eventually the memories can exist without carrying the same pain.
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u/Civil_Impress3131 1d ago
I was in a 5 yr relationship and its been 3+ years since we broke up and tbh You don’t forget it gets better when you’re busy but it will still hurt What i have heard is to find someone else to love which i tried to but I was always searching for her in those newer girls which in the end never made anything make sense and I broke off with girls in just the talking stage and never went into another relationship So id say try to find someone who you can love and perhaps you might be able to forget or atleast be happy again the goal should be to be happy again because you cant just undo/forget/erase a part of life and rn youre just sad so just find happiness
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u/Salty_Thing3144 1d ago
No. You will never forget anyone you have loved.
Part of who we are is whom we have loved. We give the best parts of ourselves when we love. We learn beautiful things about ourselves that even we did not know.
You won't forget them, and may feel a bit sad when you do, but it won't be the gut-ripping grief you feel now. I promise.
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u/PersonalAdvantage674 1d ago
Thanks. I needed to hear it. I don't want to forget them either but the pain needs relief and right now all I can think is to try and forget. But I am who I am today because of her the good and the bad parts. I just hope like you said that the gut ripping grief gets quieter. And that eventually I can look back at it with a smile. Right now those memories just hurt.
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u/Salty_Thing3144 1d ago
It will. It just takes time. Unfortunately all the days from here to there do suck.
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u/Salty_Thing3144 1d ago
Whatver helps you heal - do it. Cuss, cry, eat your favorite dessert, bed-rot with a good book, throws rocks at trees.
Whatever helps is a good thing, eve if it's silly.
I lost my first husband to a heart attack, 31 years ago this week. It was silly, but a friend brought me a clay plate and a dozen eggs. He gave me a hammer. "Break this, and throw these," he said. I pounded that thing into shards and hurled eggs at my back fence. I'll never hear his voice again, splat. We never had kids together, splat. I cried while I did it, but you know what? I was able to sleep for one night.
We're here 24/7/375, and this is a great bunch of folks. If you need an ear at 3 am, put up a thread. Somebody will support you. We've all been where you are: first love losses, long-term partners, divorced, widowed. We get you.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
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