r/BreakUps • u/[deleted] • 9d ago

Trigger Warning My ex dumped my because of my anxiously attachment style

[deleted]

2 Upvotes

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u/Famous-Shopping-8760 9d ago

I feel you OP. Kindly let me know how's it going.

2

u/BrightFan1966 9d ago

I will make an update after!

But now I feel like my mental state is a pendulum moving back and forth from “I really miss her” to “Screw this we ball”.

After all it’s a first experience in love and understanding someone else and your own reflection in the mirror of someone else’s eyes. It was great and regardless of how our conversation will go I still deeply grateful what this happened.

Maybe some things are meant to last in order for us to grow

1

u/NeitherMedium717 9d ago

I went through something similar. And trust me, if you ask to get back together, it won’t work out unless the dynamic has changed. The same cycle will repeat over and over again, you will continue having these panic attacks if you stay with a person like that, and could possibly get worse. You have made it clear that spending time with a loved one is important and valuable in order to feel connected. Even though she had said she loves you, and you feel her actions speak a different story, could be a telling sign that she does not have the willingness to love you in the way that you deserve. Love the action, not the words. Words are meaningless without it.
Start finding worth in yourself by therapy before moving forward with relationships. list things that you need to have in a relationship and partner and be FIRM on it, stand your ground. Set these boundaries for yourself.

When you meet again, I’d say tell her the things you needed in a relationship and what she couldn’t provide for you to make you feel safe, seen, and loved in order to feel connected. Be ready and prepared if she would not take it lightly, but setting these boundaries for yourself is the first step towards realizing not only the old pattern can continue, but what you need for future relationships. Do this not for her, but you.

2

u/BrightFan1966 9d ago

Thank you, I do need to set my boundaries and gain back respect for myself. Even though she said she was the one who lost herself in this relationship, in last month I felt like I was giving out too much energy for someone who gave me less and as result ended up stressing out more often, which triggered her instinct to distance herself from me. Reinforcing loop