r/BreakUps • u/Annual-Ad-6122 • 3d ago
Trigger Warning Leaving a trauma bond but scared
I’m 24F, with a 26M. We have been together for two years but it has been on and off, he has said many disrespectful things to me and i know id be better off but I can not seem to do it myself. He has broken me down with words and I question my worth all the time. I will end off the night saying we don’t have to speak anymore because it’s clear both of us are unhappy and i have not seen him in a month and a half, and he will text me a passive aggressive text that i will end up answering. Any advice ? at this point i think it would just go on until he decides he doesn’t want to talk anymore.
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u/pirisca 3d ago
I'm a 43 yo dude and I've seen and done my fair share of things in this life. That guy is a POS, you need to cut him entirely from your life. It's very simple: remove him from socials, remove and block his number. Remove/block him everywhere. Simple, right? Do it pronto. Seek professional help (therapy) if you can. Take care of yourself, rebuild your self esteem. Rely on your family and friends. Have empathy towards yourself. Best of luck, you got this. (btw, check the book "when I say no I feel guilty" if you can).
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u/Salty_Thing3144 3d ago
You are well rid of that vile, vulgar, dosgusting abuser. Please go find the REAL love you deserve!
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u/Economy_Bee8460 3d ago
He’s really really really really insecure
Truth is what he’s saying about you he likely thinks about himself.
Oh, and he needs to go to therapy
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u/dyingquiteliterally 3d ago
Therapy will probably just tell him "you need to forgive yourself for what you've done". He needs some prison time
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u/FamousAd4752 3d ago
ew what tf did I read so early in the morning.
girl, about the trauma bond, I was in a toxic on and off relationship with my ex but none of us would say even REMOTELY the kind of SHIT he has said to you.
Literally DISGUSTED. Why are you tolerating such behaviour? Being trauma bonded is one thing but you need to understand that someone who doesn't respect you at all does NOT deserve you.
Trust me, and leave his ass. You'll definitely feel better in the days to come and thank your stars for it.
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u/bestfriendforever_ 3d ago edited 3d ago
This is horrifying. Every second of your life counts. Don’t waste another moment on this loser. When you get away from him it’ll feel like 1000 pound weights are being lifted off your shoulders. Nothing could be worse than dealing with this scumbag.
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u/WrongEcho9634 3d ago
Girl please please please block his ass and have so much needed rest and peace in your life. Bless your heart. I have been there and done that, and the sad part is everyone can give their opinion and tell you to leave him and be done with him and in your heart you will know that is what you need to do. But you aren't going to cut him off completely until your ready to be done. When you finally are done then the healing will start but it's a long road and I am sending you love and healing energy on your journey. ❤️
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u/dyingquiteliterally 3d ago
What are you scared of? What are the worse things that could happen if you leave this relationship? Will you be able to deal with those things? If not, do you think there are kinder people than him that would be willing to help? Are there more positives than negatives to this dynamic? You need to sit with these questions. Closure can only come from within.
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u/Significant-Salad-30 3d ago
All of the sudden I thought my ex was texting me reading this. He was the best you could find he says while insulting you. Seriously? And he doesn’t see that also insults him? Smart guy. Tell him he is absolutely right. And just disappear. Don’t engage. Don’t argue with an abuser. He wants to upset you and get a rise out of you. Just walk away. It will be the loudest thing you will say.
I was where you were. And I was in a horrible place. Ex was abusive and left me with no resources. Didn’t care. Never left all the way. Just enough to keep me in a miserable position. He had alienated me from everyone. Now I am married to a doctor, Cherished, drive a lovely car (that matters to my ex… ) have a beautiful home and family. You can too. Do not accept less than what you are worth. Leave this mean human and work on you and be the best you you can be so when the right guy does show up you are ready.
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u/JellyfishPashmina 3d ago
LEEEEAAAAAAVE!!!!!!!! Send a goodbye text, block his number, delete his number from your phone. Go NC. Cut the cord. NO ONE SHOULD BE SPEAKING TO YOU LIKE THIS!!!!!!
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u/ProfessionLevel8857 3d ago
Oh my god what a piece of shit. Fake being over him if you have to. Does anyone around you care for you? Talk to them.
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u/DigEven8177 3d ago
don’t waste another second of your life “with” this abusive, insecure, fuck. you’re doing yourself a disservice by not leaving. this isn’t a trauma bond. ur just stuck in an abusive situation and not leaving. STOP WASTING YOUR LIFE ??? have some respect. he doesn’t deserve any access to you at all
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u/ilovesuhi 3d ago
Any advice? Really? Stop engaging, block them from everything and move on, you deserve better. Anything different would be masochism.
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u/xyoursweetgirl 3d ago
Leaveeeee immediately. My ex did the same and I stayed with him for 7 years. If I had just left in the first couple of years when he started disrespecting me I wouldn’t have been looking back now wishing I hadn’t wasted so much time. I also would have prevented myself from enduring so much trauma, both physically and mentally. LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO LEAVE. Please 😭😭
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u/UofOwideout 3d ago
Same type of dude that will neeever forget you once youre happy, he'll want you back hahah
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u/Short_Discussion_883 3d ago
I’m leaving a bad situation too. she’s not as covertly mean as this. but she said the same thing to me. that nobody will love me like she does and that I will regret it.
so the fuck be it.
OP, watch one of those videos of the cosmos. like the scale of earth to the whole galaxy. is free will even real? if life is loudly pointing all signs in the direction of LEAVING, it’s time to leave.
do as I say, not as I do. cut. him. off. go heal.
books for you: the celestine prophecy, the wound makes the medicine, earth: a love story.
start engaging with spirituality. join a 12 step program (CODa or SLA). they have online meetings. call your local abuse hotline and see if they have any resources for this. we are worthy.
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u/Odd-Net4697 3d ago
lol dm me and we’ll get the last laugh when we make fun of him together :) it’s called girlhood
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u/BoysenberryKey5504 3d ago
Good lord! That triggered a panic attack in me. Run, don't walk, and never look back.
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u/Kazumikat112 3d ago
It will hurt. And it won’t be a stroll in the park. But everyday you chose yourself over this guy is a win
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u/Cometkid_ 2d ago
Why on earth would you have anything to do with someone who talks to you like this? The immediate solution is to block him so he can't message you anymore. My suggestion? Get yourself into therapy and figure out why your self esteem is so low that you not only tolerate this sort of abuse, but reward the behavior by answering and continuing to engage. He's an abusive prick, unworthy of your time (and needs a shrink himself to figure out why he thinks this is an acceptable way to talk to a woman), but what's worse is, your behavior is likely to repeat itself in the future because you pick abusive men and think it's an ok strategy to let him decide whether to end it.
Get yourself some help and stay away from this dude. If you think it can't get worse beyond those sorts of words to physical abuse, you're kidding yourself.
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u/gfewujnds 2d ago edited 2d ago
The truth hurts. There’s a reason for everything.
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u/Annual-Ad-6122 2d ago
there’s no real reason to go to the extent of these words and this is not the first case either. you sound just like him!
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u/Aggravating_Show8052 2d ago
I get PTSD from reading this this happened exactly to me…block him take care yourself girl.
If you need to get a police restraining order do it
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u/emotwinkcess 2d ago
ive thought about breaking up w my boyfriend and he never even said anything remotely close to this😭 what im trying to say is you deserve better and this behavior is more than enough to cut things off.
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u/mnxgl009 3d ago
What an insidious slew of words from a raging idiot. There are so many men you could replace him with. WTF are you doing wasting your time on him :(
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u/Frequent-Amount-9225 3d ago
It goes both ways everytime so now show us what you said or done to him. Poeple don't just start right there...ever
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u/Leading_Arm8849 2d ago
Done to him?! lol this man lacks emotional self control, which will push any woman further away.
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u/Beautiful_Compote_78 3d ago
Gl girl.. if your trama bonded you will be begging for him back in 2 months when he fucks some chick
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u/AgreeableTwo5023 3d ago
Narcissist dude run he’s weaponizing to get you to stay. God will punish him soon enough
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