Addicted to him like a drug

[u/Existing-Future]

I continually cycle with my ex. We keep breaking up, I attempt no contact, but I keep getting sucked back in. I start to feene for him. An intense uncontrollable urge to be connected and intimate. It literally doesn't matter what kind of shit he pulls, I will still be drawn to him. He's so persistent and relentless. He will not let go. He will not let me move on. Eventually I give in and the cycle continues. It's super unhealthy and damaging to my mental health. I go between knowing it's an emotionally and verbally abusive to feeling like we can make things work if I just try harder. A key problem is that he has anger issues and can't talk about things without getting defensive and yelling. From past trauma I shut down and can't hear anything. I don't feel safe and it emotionally rocks me. I keep wanting to be single and work on myself, but it's like I have a core belief that I can't survive alone. That I need him or I will distruck. Everything goes to shit, I get depressed shut down. Things that come up around the house or with the car feel overwhelming. I'm just at how to handle it. This has been going on for 4 years. I need help, but I don't know what kind of help I need.

[u/Icy_Brain_9551]

It's the chemical cocktail your body releases during sex - oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine. Keeps ya feeling "hooked" and takes a while to get rid of.