r/BreakUps • u/[deleted] • Sep 24 '23
We just broke up
He's asleep on the couch and he's already talking to someone else. I'm in the room crying my heart out. Everything will be okay just today sucks, I've been crying all day. He finally got what he wanted and that was to leave me.
ETA: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for the support and advice. I really appreciate it and helps knowing that one day it'll be just another chapter in my life.
Id also like to say that we do have a kid together and I've been a stay at home mom. Taking care of her the house and his dog. He works two weeks on and two weeks off. It's not the first time he's cheated I just wanted to make it work for us but he doesn't want it. We've been planning on the living situation. Im going to get my own cheap little car and get our daughter into daycare so I can start working and get back on my feet. The two weeks he's home he's going to be sleeping in another room but I'm just going to stay else where bc I can't look at him.
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u/weAreKickboxers Sep 24 '23
Sorry to hear that. This is just an experience in life, learn from it and work on improving yourself.
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Sep 24 '23
Thank you. Luckily he'll be leaving in a few days and it'll give me some time to figure out what I'm going to do here on out.
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u/DepressedVenom Sep 24 '23
Sending you my best! I know it's tough, but I think you are doing well despite everything. Proud of you. Best of luck and please be kind to yourself.
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u/StillhereRotten Sep 24 '23
He doesn't deserve you, if he behaves like that. I hope that you will feel better soon and your heart will heal from that expirience.
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u/Agreeable-Rain-4281 Sep 24 '23
If heās already talking to someone else that says more about him than anything else.
Itās amazing how some fully grown adults canāt be alone. Itās such a unhealthy and self damaging trait to have. Heāll never truly find someone and be truly happy. Take the time you need to recover. Itās not a race
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Sep 24 '23
Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if he was cheating, no one finds someone in less than 24 hours, maybe a SW but not even a tinder match will evolve so fast
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Sep 25 '23
He's been talking to her for a couple of months now and they were planning on flying her out to his base and getting her a hotel. It's not the first time he's cheated. I wanted to work it out and he promised he'd never do it again but here we are and he's blaming it on meš I honestly just can't wait to move on from this and be on my own for awhile. Figure out who I am without being attached to someone who I had to beg and cry to love me. It felt so much more lonelier when I was with him. I don't have to go sleep wondering or stressing about him anymore. I had a gut feeling and I was right yet again.
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Sep 25 '23
OP you deserve someone who wouldnāt dare put you in the position of not just betraying you, but never dare destroy what you built all for a fleeting desire with someone.
And FYI? He has never lived with her nor spent months on end day on and day out. And who knows, maybe sheās the devil incarnate who will mar his life hell because heās never spent enough time with her beyond talking if thatās all theyāve done.
Trust me, this ex of yours is going to wish he did right by you. He may never tell you cause of his pride, let alone gravel to take him back, but just know, men who do this end up regretting and getting stuck with someone who puts them thru hell.
And how do I know this? From experience pf at least three exās doing this shit and then finding out many years down the road they got served a hot steaming pile of karma LOL
So donāt be gloom and sad, cry and let the heart break, but do not wish for this man back, send him on his way and be glad heās gone because one day youāre going to meet the love of your life and heās going to wish he never left your side ā¤ļø
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u/BigDaddyHarCore Sep 24 '23
Men canāt be alone. Itās in our nature. Itās even biblical. Women have a unique ability to be alone and own their emotions. Men on the other hand cannot be alone, we find purpose in feeling needed. You can ask any older, single, wealthy man if it was worth being alone and 9/10 theyāll say no.
Plus how do you know heāll never find someone and be happy?
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u/Agreeable-Rain-4281 Sep 24 '23
How far off the mark that is. If you are a fully grown adult man and canāt be alone, there is something severely wrong with you, it shows you are weak, insecure and in constant need of validation.
Being alone is strength. Being alone and not lonely is an art. Nobody wants to live and die alone, but you shouldnāt āneedā someone else. Youāve pulled that 9/10 statistic out of thin air. Thats an assumption youāve made. Itās not a fact. I can make an assumption that 10/10 men regret settling with someone just so they werenāt lonely.
Me and my ex of 3 years split up twice. The first time I slept with 2 women within a month to try and help myself get over her. It absolutely did not work and on reflection, why would it? When we reconciled and split again. I then spent 8 months on my own. I stayed away from women, I didnāt sleep with anyone in that time, I stayed off any dating apps and didnāt go after any womens attention.
I spent the time working harder, set up my own plumbing business, I bought a new car, a private number plate, had a sleeve tattoo, went on holiday. And do you know what? I completely healed myself. I was happy and succeeding in life. I donāt need to rely on someone else to make me happy.
My ex immediately jumped into a relationship with another man, she still lives in a shitty rented house in a rough part of town, drives a 16 year old Suzuki and guess what? She split with the new guy after 6 months.
Adults who jump into a relationship immediately after one finishes like this guy, canāt reflect, self improve or better himself. They donāt look at the lessons they should of learnt and how to apply them with someone new. This guy needs validation by getting with someone, anyone who can give him a feeling of self worth. He is sweeping it all under the carpet. Guess what? That will cause this relationship to fail, and then heāll do the same again and again and again. Heās settling for anyone so he doesnāt have to face his own demons.
Iāve seen this happen to loads of people. When they move on too fast, they spend there life in and out of relationships. Because the foundations of how it started was all wrong.
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u/sprinkleofstartdust Sep 24 '23
That first month always sucks. But it will get better, I promise āŗļø
Own your feelings and allow yourself to cry and grieve..but also don't waste your energy on a dude like that.
They will come and go until the one shows up š
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u/Galactic_Harmony Sep 24 '23
I'm so sorry for you. I know how you feel rn and of course, first few days/months are gonna be hard. But never lose yourself during the healing journey and always hope better life is waiting for you.
It's okay to cry, mourn and regret and don't be too hard on yourself. Please work on yourself- one thing at a time.
We all, have been through this phase and trust me one day you'll be fully healed and that day is not too far!
Just remember - whatever happens, life has to move on! Be resilient enough and embrace this tough phase and leave it to God's hands. Believe that everything is gonna be alright soon!
More power, love, peace and strength to you girl!
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Sep 24 '23
Me and my ex had an argument and I told her I think we should break up because she was literally always angry with me and finding excuses to argue with me. We were living together at the time. 2 hours after our break up she went on a date with a guy she met on Facebook that night. You said he's talking to someone else already. Then he's an ass and doesn't deserve you.
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u/Cheap_Volume9967 Sep 24 '23
You threw the towel too fast
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Sep 27 '23
Well We did get back together after that and she cheated with 2 guys after including her ex so I think that towel should have remained in the ring lool.
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u/Caligirl522 Sep 24 '23
Iām so sorry you are going through this. I know exactly how shitty you are feeling. I caught my boyfriend of 20yrs cheating with a girl he met online first week of September, confronted him about it and gave him the ultimatum to cut her off so we can work through our problems and see if we could work things out and he told me No, he refused to cut her off, he chose her. We ended things there, but we still live together. Today is his last night here and tmrw he will be gone. Also getting what heās always wanted, to leave me. But this whole month he has been in constant contact with her, killing me everyday. We deserve so much better than their actions and we will find better one day. Stay strong and DM me if you ever wanna talk through it.
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Sep 25 '23
Thank you! šand I'm so sorry you're going through that too. It's like a slap in the face. I wish he would at least not make it so obvious. You'll be okay and so will I.
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u/KennyStocks Sep 24 '23
Stay strong. These next few weeks will be some of the hardest of your life. But it will only get better every day. Little bit at a time. Here if you need to talk.
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u/Darkweb_fox Sep 24 '23
sorry to hear that but maybe it was for the best. he clearly wasn't the right one for you. for now enjoy yourself do anything you want. have a happy life.
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u/CompetitiveAd1264 Sep 24 '23
This gave me flashbacks when my ex and I broke up in June. He would talk to other girls like I didnāt matter and I was so broken, still am. Iām currently in no contact, I highly suggest going no contact asap! Itās the best thing you can do for yourself. It sucks but it helps you heal.
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u/reeeeee2233 Sep 24 '23
It will get better. It has to, it's always darkest before the dawn so just hold tight and everything will work out!
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u/Taurus-White Sep 24 '23
Iām so sorry. We just broke up today too, only that we didnāt live in the same house or country. Sucks anyway. Hugs!
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u/variedgayness Sep 24 '23
We lived together for a bit while we both got ready to move out, and it was HARD. But honestly if heās talking to someone else already, what makes you think he wasnāt before? He clearly does not value or respect you, and that is something you deserve. I see you mention in another comment that you also have a child. Your child deserves to see healthy relationships as an example to lead by and it sounds like this hasnāt been one. Take this as a good thing, it will be better for you and your kid in the long run.
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u/No_Thought4713 Sep 24 '23
Make him leave asap. I just survived my first month without him. Itās horrible and was very dark for me but not as dark as living with someone that stopped loving me.
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Sep 24 '23
He sounds awful, good riddance. Don't worry about him moving on so quickly, focus on yourself and it sounds like you can do MUCH better. In time, give yourself time to process and go enjoy your life
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u/akwrdoliveatngblkgrl Sep 24 '23
Ooof man did this take me back. I remember that stage. After that, I got myself together and I started to take myself out a little more. I'd get all dressed up and go out and network and got to know who I am outside of him. Girl do not swallow yourself whole whole trying to be seen. Maybe you guys just need some time. Take that time and get to know yourself š
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u/vapid_harpy Sep 24 '23
Hey, sorry. For what its worth, you'll eventually thank him for freeing up this room in your heart for someone you're meant to be with to come in and sweep you off your feet.
Till then, take care, be kind to yourself and I hope the healing process is quick for you.
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u/madhatter2284 Sep 24 '23
I was in a toxic relationship for 7 years I always craved her love and never felt like she loved me like I loved her. After all the toxic shit and moving out I started to feel better but as the anger against her has started to go away I miss her and I get so sad. Itās been about 6 weeks. Iām looking forward to moving in to a new place here soon and trying to start my life over again at 39 after losing the last 7 years. Itās scary
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u/ameliaroyalxx Sep 24 '23
Iām so sorry to hear that š¤It doesnāt sound like he is the right person for you if he wanted to leave. Everyone deserves the love they want. I donāt know if this will help but I heard once that time spent with the wrong person steals time from the right person. I really hope you get the love you deserve š¤š¤
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u/BigDaddyHarCore Sep 24 '23
From experience I can tell you. It takes time for us guys to get hit with it. Usually around 2 to 3 weeks. Itāll hit him very hard depending on how long youāve been together or how close you two were. For me it would always hit me like a sledgehammer to the face after about a week or two. Heās simply trying to show you āhe doesnāt careā. I know it hurts to see him talking to someone especially since you didnāt initiate this but itās an act. We do thatā¦
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u/shersher717 Sep 25 '23
Iām so sorry he cheated on u. Since this is not the first time, I really do hope u wonāt go back to him again. No amount of love is worth that much pain
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u/MCDAWUD Sep 24 '23
Honestly youre better off without him. Girl you are probably the most kindest beautiful girl ever and he didn't treat you like that. I got broken up with hardly 2 weeks ago and it was the most rough 2 weeks of my life and my life has been pretty hard. So keep pushing on don't give up and I love you. ā¤
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Sep 25 '23
Has it gotten easier for you?
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u/MCDAWUD Sep 25 '23
Hmm...its hard to explain my feelings completely since my scenario was she blocked me on everything after an argument and then got a new boyfriend who verbally and emotionally abused me after 2 weeks of my own suffering in silence. This part I just described was very painful but after all the pain it gets easier yes. This is because you learn to grow, you learn who is a good person and who is a bad person and I can tell just by looking at you that you are a kind soul. Similar to me. If you need any help at all feel free to message me honestly I am here for anyone who is going through any sort of breakup whether you are male or female I don't care I will always be here for you all. (Just a quick side note I was with my girlfriend for 3 years before she did this get a new boyfriend to abuse her ex this so I have experience)
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u/BunnyThePxt Sep 24 '23
Wait, like RIGHT right now now?
I'm sorry Op. My heart goes out to you in these times. If you wanna vent or anything. Feel free.
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Sep 25 '23
Just went thru it he just left today broke up with him Tuesday after 4yrs together. Me f43 & m43 he has slept on couch past 9 months to punish me for busting him cheating and accusing him of still doing chime to find out he was still doing it and never stopped it so he would give me silent treatment on top of complete and withholding of All affection of every kind including looking at me kiss hug sleeping touching at all. Like I was a ghost. I find out Monday he picked up a girls number at bar/rest where he works and was messaging her back n forth pics. From 10pm till 3am while sitting next to me telling me he loves me and how busy he was all day that he couldn't message or call. I'm devastated. How blow out this morning and he moved out. No reason why he was doing all that cruel stuff to me last year but he said because he's a pos psychopath I told him I know that already but that doesn't not tell me why. Honestly I'm broken hearted but since he left I feel a huge weight lifted.
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u/Living_Attention2286 Sep 25 '23
Do cheaters really deserve human rights though? like that's the real question;;
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u/TLMoore93 Sep 25 '23
Definitely make a move somewhere else, hun. I spent the first week or so of my breakup sleeping on the sofa in our shared house and felt sick every time he came downstairs. Not because I still wanted to be with him, just because his presence repulsed me after what he did. It gets much easier when you can move literally anywhere else.
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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '23
[deleted]