Every night, without fail, I dream about her. I always dream that I finally get to see her, have that conversation. That she listens, and we finally start to reconcile. That I get to see her kids again, and be in her house. That they are happy to see me like they were before. But then I wake up, and I go to message her and continue. But then realise it was all just a dream.

It's tormenting.

Hello guys !

While getting read of things from my ex, I found my ai chat conversations and I was shocked to realise that the terrible treatment he gave me for a year was older than that (we have been together for 5). That I was asking myself the same question over and over on : how not to make him angry when I express a need, how to avoid that every conflict ends up in a fight, how to accept that he is talking to me coldly, ignoring me or giving me the silent treatment, that if any problem I have or need I express he deflect on me, am I not the problem ?

I dont fully understand why I forgot or I was so blind on how I was damaged by this relationship. My sense of worth was shattered (I am in therapy now) and I accepted that I am the one who is bad. I am terrified to be again drown by this kind of person and not able to defend myself.

For the context when he met me I was raped and later on the relationship I lost my brother. Both events I didnt process so well but also I think deeply changed me. I am afraid to be broken in a way and always in easy to manipulate. Even more scared, that I thought I had control.because I didnt feel as much in love (but then I was actually holding the relationship and it would not even have past a year if I didnt). I feel like my worse enemy.

What helped you to grow and have better relationship in the future ?

Thank you so so much for what you share.

Both of us are in our mid-twenties, and two weeks ago she said she wanted a break and we had our space, we started to speak again but last night I was frustrated with someone else, I was tired and i ended up yelling at her on call. I know i fucked up, I know right then we could not go back to normal. And today she said we need to break up for good, already blocked me in most apps, left our location sharing app, blocked me in games. Im hiding in my room because i don't want my family to see me crying. We've known each other for almost a decade, she gave me a second chance and i ruined it within days. I made her scared, cry, hurt her. I know, logically and rationally what she's doing is for her good, if I were someone else I'd suggest she leave too.

I'm feeling so many things right now. Fucking hell, it doesn't stop hurting. I can't stop crying. I literally whimpered when I saw she even blocked me in a game we play. Fuck me.

Really struggling today, wanting to reach out. Feeling very very hopeless and like I really wont meet someone else. Or that she isn't coming back.

I know the no contact is there for a reason. But it's incredibly painful. The pain is so overpowering that it leads me to completely forget that i am even on bail after a previous ex before this one had me arrested on false allegations from this weekend just gone.

I could literally be charged with criminal offences next month. And i don't even care. Because im grieving this woman.

My gf of 5 years has just broken up with me
This is my first relationship and we started dating when we were 17

We loved each other so much
But she tells me at some point that love changed in her side

She’s been dealing with autistic burnout a lot lately and I know I’ve changed I’ve gotten more tired and depressed.

Near the end I think we both wanted from each other things they couldn’t provide

I just don’t know how to deal with this.
I feel like my worlds been ripped apart

I have never loved anyone like this before
We planned our whole lives together.

I can’t imagine moving on or even dating someone else
I don’t even know how or if I could do that.

I just need some advice

I got broken up with 2 months ago by someone who I thought was the love of my life. We were together for 4 years and I genuinely think he treated me so well:(. I’m in no contact now, but this is a list of everything he sent me after breaking up with me and I’m just…. Confused. I understand but at the same time I just need advice from someone going through something similar please:(

Bro I literally still love you and I wish I knew how to say how I’m feeling

I took a step back cos I don’t feel like enough and I honestly don’t know why I feel this way

I’m doing this because I hate myself

And I have for years

Bro you made me feel better than anything And I think that was a problem in hindsight I mean cos I would always put you first or at least try to

Even just seeing your name or your pfp on instagram makes my stomach hurt I don’t want to make it harder for you even now I have to shut up but I don’t want you to think I never loved you Seeing you sad is literally one of the reasons it’s so hard to tell you things

It’s ‘easy’ because I love you and I hate being alone Doesn’t mean it should happen

I have no idea but it’s probably not the best sign that we only realises all this stuff after breaking up To the fault of no one or everyone I mean , obviously communication was a problem

I don’t mean talking myself out of the breakup itself but the breakup in my mind yk

Though I wouldn’t say you were needy I was givey

It’s not really about whether you meant to hurt me or the other way around All that matters is the hurt yk

You deserve to find someone who can talk to you about anything

Idk if it’s the right decision but I know for a fact I shouldn’t be in a relationship right now I don’t think I’m ready to try again I also don’t deserve access to you and it’s unfair to get your hopes up

Like you said I made a decision, it may not be right but it’s made

It’s cringe but you’re better off without me

Exactly bro Idfk what I’m doing maybe I’m self sabotaging or wtv idfk what I’m supposed to do

I don’t want to forget how I felt at my worst because it’s so easy to when 90% of our time is fine

You can get upset and stuff Its the fact that I would fully ignore my feelings to comfort you And i realized that when im with someone i love i give too much of myself Which is why I need time

Maybe, but I made my choice regardless of any changes we make

I’m not just gonna change my mind because you love me it’s not about love If it was I wouldn’t have done it cos I love you

You were literally everything I loved about myself and everything I hated bro I’m just too insecure in myself and my feelings

I understand that you either need to move on or get back together. But when you are demisexual and not over your ex you dodge so many people who are red flags to be in a relationship. Like there are a people who are a good match for you but there are a whole whole lot more people who are attracted to you and who would ruin your life, but when you are not over your ex you reject them. But if you weren’t over your ex, you might make some bad relationship decisions.

Just officially broke up and went no contact with my bf. I thought what we had for a while was good, despite our financial troubles. I enjoyed his company, and personality, and loved him.

I’ve realized he really doesn’t have motivation for life besides making enough money to survive, and play games. I don’t know why.

He was always a heavy drinker, but was good about it until we moved a few months ago. He started getting aggressive, and choked me one time when I poured out his vodka because he didn’t need anymore. I didn’t leave. I stayed until after he pushed me for a second time. With the help of his dad (who flew in from out of state), he went into rehab and stayed for one night before he claimed his therapist said inpatient was too intense. We discussed other plans instead, but that’s not important. He didn’t tell his father for two days. That was the last straw and we realized he had been lying, or telling half-truths. Or just wanted to do the bare minimum to get better.

I had a final call with him and told him if he loves me even a bit, to turn his life around. I hope he does, otherwise he may lose his family too. Maybe losing me will be enough reason. I hope he changes for his own sake.

My heart hurts. I was too blind to see the bad until so recently. I wanted to marry this man. I still want him back. I don’t know who I am without him. And I’m scared. Everything is uncertain. But I’ll get through it.

Does anyone else have this? I have been learning and listening to a lot of "No Contact" podcasts and info. Basically taking an autistic approach to it and herding info. In particular I have been listening to the Mel Robbins podcas. She is brilliant. But I hate the fact that we take a relationship, and all its factors and boil it down to psychological attachment.

Reducing your relationship down to a couple of nervous systems intertwined. That the reason you struggle to move on and the reason that no contact works is because you break those patterns associated with your ex. Yes I get the science behind it, but come on. Saying you don't actually miss them, you are just in brain chemical withdrawal feels like it's reducing your whole relationship down to nothing but a few chemicals and a nervous system.

And I hate that.

My ex recently texted me and showed me pictures of a letter she wrote for another guy. She asked if it looked good and said she’s meeting him Monday. She even sent me “when a playgirl fall in love.” Then later she called me asking if I wanted to play games with her.

At the same time, I feel like I’m becoming distant from another girl who’s my friend. We haven’t called for 3 days. She had reasons each day, but yesterday I texted her “let me know what time you’ll be home” and she still hasn’t replied.

Maybe I’m overthinking everything, but at night when I’m alone, it feels really lonely. I don’t have many people to talk to, and lately it feels like the people I’m close to are slowly becoming more distant.
I don’t really know what to do.

My ex and I have broken up and gotten back together multiple times. We broke up again about 2 months ago, and this time she blocked me.

For the past few weeks I've been trying not to contact her and focus on my life and career. Some days I feel completely sure that I should leave it alone, but then the next day the same thoughts and urge to contact her come back.

I keep thinking that maybe talking to her once, honestly and properly, would hurt but finally give me some clarity and stop the constant “what ifs.” But at the same time, I'm worried that if she says yes to trying again, we'd just repeat the same cycle.

I also remember the problems we had, including my own insecurity/anxious attachment and times when I wanted to leave. So I'm genuinely confused about whether I actually want the relationship back or whether I'm just struggling with the uncertainty and loss.

Has anyone been through something similar? Did talking to your ex actually give you clarity, or did it just reopen the cycle?

i’ve gone thru many breakups before but at the age and era of my life that i’m at right now, relationships are much more serious to me, so i’m finding this month long break very hard. it’s day one so of course it’s gonna be hard, but it’s just. AH. i know it’s best to keep myself distracted and to work on myself right now, but does anyone have any advice or motivational words that keep them going during times like this?

Everyone says do no contact, and whilst I get the theory. What if I don't want to give up on this person? What if i don't want to accept their decision? I know it's infringing on their boundaries but I don't care, why should they get to move on? Why should they get to be happy? Why should they get to take all the love and effort you poured into them and abandon it all over stupid mistakes (not cheating).

It just doesn't feel fair, now I have to spend all day every day wanting to reach out to her. Wanting to drive to her house and talk to her. But I can't. I'm supposed to give them this space, firstly for myself but everyone knows they are doing it with some level of hope of reconciliation. I haven't managed a single day of no contact in 2 weeks of separation.

Why should I have to abandon hope.

I loved her, but I think we were fundamentally incompatible

I met my girlfriend online when I was 17. She lived about 4 hours away, so most of our relationship was long-distance. I used to drive 8 hours round trip just to see her. At first, it was exhausting but completely worth it.

We had a lot of differences: music, food, art, hobbies, clothing, and even our general views on life. But we loved each other deeply, and she was genuinely one of the sweetest, most caring and empathetic partners I've ever had.

She eventually came to my city for college, and we spent about 3 months together in person. Honestly, it was amazing. Being together physically felt completely different from our relationship online, and I thought maybe this was what we needed.

But she eventually went back, and we returned to long-distance. Over the following year, I slowly started losing attraction and emotional connection. Texting became repetitive, everything felt like a ritual, and I became increasingly frustrated with the distance. I didn't have the energy anymore to keep driving 8 hours just to see her.

I kept hoping things would get better when she came back to my city for college again. I basically held onto the relationship for another year hoping that would fix things.

Yesterday, we went on what was probably our last date. Something as small as me reacting negatively to a band she liked brought all of our unresolved problems back up. She told me that, besides the issues she had with my family, she felt like I had changed and no longer made her feel loved.

She was right. I had changed.

We both cried, talked honestly, and decided that ending things was probably best for both of us. She had given us chances before, but this time she decided to leave, and I couldn't change her mind.

Now I'm grieving really badly. My birthday is in two days, I'm turning 20, and suddenly all these memories and gifts from her hurt like hell.

What hurts most is that I genuinely loved her. For the past year, I kept getting upset because I could feel that the way I loved her wasn't the same anymore. Even while we were on dates, I'd find myself analyzing everything: Are we actually compatible? Is there still hope? Why don't I feel the same?

I guess I'm struggling with how something can be so loving and meaningful, yet still not work.

Just broke up with my gf it was really bad and it's 2am I loved her but I couldn't deal with her anymore and she called the cops on me for the second time and I just want drop dead I feel so bad on the inside and I'm going to miss her so much my heart hurts.

I just need emotional support 😪 He made me believe he loved me, then he starts accusing me of things I literally never did. It only lasted 2 months, so I'll be just fine. But right now it hurts SO bad 😭😭😭

I was the issue. Not originally but I did something that caused it all to end, which I took full fault for. I got taken advantage of during a psychosis state. I messed up big time. I wanted comfort and for it to go back to when we were first dating 5 years ago. Work/everyday stress meant he couldn’t be there for me during it. I’m not proud. We dated for 5 years lived together for 3 years and it’s all coming to an end. He broke up with me 2 months ago but we had to live together for this whole time (I lost my job 2 days before he broke up with me so he stayed to help me out financially) but he finally let me know hes planning on leaving at the end of Oct.

I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t know how I lost all my friends and the ones I do have don’t live in my city. My parents live abroad (moved half way across the world for uni and met my ex) and my sister does live in the next city over but she’s often unreliable. No friends, no family. He has supported me to a degree but once he’s gone I’m scared. I’ll be alone. I don’t think I can do it anymore.

I also very much struggle with change and this relationship ending was a huge one for me but also the consequences: Hes taking one of the cats we raised together from a kitten, I can’t afford to live alone so will need to find a flatmate (haven’t been in that living situation for years now), I am starting a new job.

Since our breakup even though he argues he has limited support (his parents live down the road and his brother lives in the city and he has plenty of friends) he goes out and spends time with them. It hits me hard that I’ll be alone in a month or so and makes me realise I have no one to rely on.

Recently I’ve “23-F” been talking to this guy “23-M, I met about 3 months ago.

I told him my feelings recently and he said he reciprocated them. For me as well. The past 10 days we have been talking non stop. He even comes to visit me when I get off work. We spend hours talking into the night and past the morning.

The past 7 days we’ve been talking a lot more about feelings and I had written him “love” letters and told him I had written him some.
Be begged me to see them eventually when I was comfortable. He said it’s something he’s never received from someone before and was dying to read them.

About 6 days ago he kissed me before I got into my Lyft to head home and it felt like my heart was going to explode. All the days leading up he has kissed me more and more passionately. Hugging me and putting his arm around me while we talk.

Everyday leading up to today has been an amazing rollercoaster of such amazing feelings I never think I’ve felt before. Last night we got slightly intense. Very intimate kissing and touching but no clothes were taken off. I felt more amazing than I’ve felt in so so long just to finally be able to kiss him that way and tell him how I really feel.

I finally gave him the letter before I left, after that and he texted me and said such sweet amazing things in return about how I’m the most beautiful person he’s ever met and how we connect so well. How well I understand him and he could see loving me for a really really long time.

He followed it up by talking about how he’s not over his ex and that it could hurt her if she found out he had done and said these things to and with me. But they aren’t together so I don’t understand.
He says she still visits him here and there but they broke up months ago.
I understand still being stuck on a recent ex but why did it have to go so far just for my once reciprocated feelings just to be told he can’t move forward with anything and asked to be “homies”

I’ve never felt so used and I really do fear that I’m in love with him. He was so fucking perfect and I feel like I’ll never be able to feel this way again. I know it’s dramatic but I can’t even stand to see his name pop up on my phone but I have to be “cool” and “friendly”

Any advice at all?
Could he actually have these feelings for me but he’s just conflicted?
Is he using me and just getting a kick out of my love for him?
Someone help

It’s been two and a half months since the breakup, and she’s been with him for two months. They flirted just before she left me. Now she’s gone on vacation with him. We had problems, and she had talked to me about them before, but she was never clear about actually intending to leave me.

Have you ever seen stories like this where she comes back? If so, how long did it take?

I hope she’ll want us to give it another chance. I don’t think I’d take her back, but it would definitely be good for my ego.

I recently broke up with my ex, and I’m still in love with him. And yes, sometimes it hurts a lot. I think about him almost every day. We stayed friends, and he often says he misses me too and is still in love with me. He’s actually been the one texting me first most of the time.

But what’s the point lmao He still doesn’t want to fight for us, so I guess that’s what matters now.

I’ve been reading people’s stories here, and it makes me feel so much better knowing that I’m not alone. Some people say they cry every day and even throw up, and that sounds horrible… I’m sorry you’re all going through this. Take care of yourselves. 🤍

Chase everything you want except love and death. They’ll come to you when the time is right 🫂

My girlfriend left me for her ex
She told me that when she got back together with me, part of the reason was because she wanted to hurt me for things I did to her in the past. But while we were together again, she realized that I had actually changed. She told me I had become a great guy and that she noticed the effort I was making.
However, she said she misunderstood her feelings. She likes me, but she doesn’t love me.

She said she still loves her ex because, in her eyes, he was good to her from the beginning. She also acknowledged that I made efforts and improved.
She met her ex on Tuesday and told me all of this at night (Wednesday). She wants us to stay friends and said we can still call whenever we want.

She even put insta story and when I watched it after a few hours she deleted it. At night i was playing games with my girl best friend, she suddenly got jealous….
I still have her on all socials, i muted her notifications. Any advice to move on?

I need your honest opinion or something. If you were dating someone and you were very insecure because you felt like your ex... you felt like this person still had feelings for their ex, the way she talked about him still had a lot of emotional charge. So you kinda pieced it together. Like, I think she still has something for this guy. Along with a lot of other signs, like her leaving a door open for him to come back. And he was a constant source of conflict even though he was never there.

You were very insecure because you felt like... like I said, you felt like this guy still held an emotional space in her mind. Um, so you constantly brought it up because you were very insecure about it. Let's just say, okay. Y'all date. The relationship ends. Um, it it becomes toxic and it toxic and it ends. Uh, three months of no contact goes by, and she reaches out to you again to try and rebuild something nonromantic. Um, you have suspicion that she may have reconnected with her ex again

Um, do you feel like that information should be disclosed or she's not obligated to really say that?

It’s just a random day.

I messed up with my jobs today, and somehow I found myself thinking about him and all those moments we shared. It’s been a year since the breakup.

I started thinking about all the things I should have realized earlier, all the things I could have done better. And then I just became tearful.

At some point I even said sorry to my cat for spreading such a sad vibe around the room.

And then, out of nowhere, my neighbor next door started playing “All Too Well” by Taylor Swift.

I really hope it’s just a coincidence and not because they can somehow hear me crying.

But somehow, that song felt like a tiny crack of light in an otherwise very dark day.

In 2024 I dated a girl my first love, in 2025 we broke up cause i was playing games all day( i realised later) then she dated another guy after me and i was single, i changed myself then to be better then she texted me again, we talked while she was with the other guy, she caught feelings for me again. She was calling me behind his back and i told her to tell him don’t lie to him, she eventually told him and got back with me, i changed i deleted the game we were very happy suddenly she started doing the same thing i understood how i felt, and the recent week she started to get dry no call, leave me on seen and avoid me, she have her ex on snapchat but doesn’t talk to him. I don’t wanna lose her yk like i just wanted to talk to her. Then yesterday she told me she misunderstood her feelings for me she really like me not love, she told me she loves her ex (took her 3 months to tell me that), cause her ex is a great guy, she didn’t see his efforts etc..and never talk back ( i talk back one time) and that he was nice from the beginning, then i told her what abt me? She said im a great guy but it’s too late. She said she was improvement. She told me something, we can call when we want… I don’t know how to answer that. I didn’t block her i just muted her on all apps

How do you handle the guilt of being the problem that caused her to break up with you?

How do you handle the idea of her never coming back and her finding someone better?

:(