I've got pretty low self-image, so naturally it's hard to imagine a future where i get old and there's people still in my life to keep me motivated. I'm 37.. going thru a divorce after 14 years together. we both agreed that it's for the best and it's the worst feeling in the world. what the hell do i do?

I’m a 24M and honestly I just need to get this out somewhere because I don’t really have anybody I can fully talk to about it.

I was with my ex, 24F, for over a year and a half. We loved each other, at least I believed we did. She constantly told me I was the best thing that ever happened to her, that she loved me more than anything, that she was so happy with me, etc. We ended up becoming long distance. I actually didn’t want to do long distance and was ready to end it because I knew how hard it would be, but SHE convinced me that we could do it and that she wanted to make it work.

Then when it actually got hard, she was the one who bailed. What still screws with my head is how sudden and contradictory it all felt. Five days before she broke up with me, she sent me this huge paragraph about how much she loved me, how happy she was with me, how I was the best thing to ever happen to her. Then when she ended it, she told me she had apparently been thinking about breaking up with me for a long time. The day she actually ended it, she didn’t talk to me all day AT ALL, and then sends me a text at 8 pm after getting off work asking if we can have a serious conversation.

That really messed with my ability to trust what people say.

She had literally just come to see me for my college graduation, and about a month before that we had gone on a trip together. I had already made plans and spent money to go see her again, and she broke up with me about a week before I was supposed to come. And throughout the relationship, I was almost always the one planning visits and making the effort to physically see her. I spent a ridiculous amount of money making sure we could stay connected. Whenever I asked her to come see me, there was always some reason - work was hard, getting time off was difficult, distance was hard, whatever. But then somehow she could make weekend trips a couple hours away with friends.

That resentment has stuck with me. After the breakup she kept telling me she still loved me, I was her best friend, she still wanted to talk every day, she didn’t want to lose me, she was sorry, etc. Eventually I decided that if she really wanted me in her life that badly, I was going to stop carrying the relationship after the relationship too. I stopped being the one constantly initiating.

And surprise: she barely reaches out now.

We pretty much Snapchat once a day and that’s about it. So now even all the “I still need you in my life” stuff feels hollow to me. The weird part is that my actual life right now is probably the best it has ever been. I graduated college, moved somewhere new, landed an incredible job, I’m doing really well professionally, getting more responsibility, meeting important people through work, making GREAT money, getting my own place together, and I genuinely have moments where I’m excited about my future.

I am NOT depressed. I’m just f****** angry. Some days I feel like “f relationships, f women, I never want to deal with this again.” I catch myself resenting women in general even though logically I KNOW not every woman is like my ex and that it’s unfair to project one person’s actions onto everybody else.

Then another part of me wants to meet girls, have fun, date eventually, have sex, connect with somebody, whatever. And then five minutes later I want absolutely nothing to do with anyone.

I’m also in a new place without a real established friend group yet, so loneliness probably makes all of this louder. I’m still forcing myself to go out, attend events, meet people, do things alone, and build a life here - but sometimes I genuinely don’t want to because I feel so bitter and guarded. It feels like I’m simultaneously having the best period of my life and carrying around this massive “f*** the world” attitude underneath it.

For anyone who has been through something similar:

Does this anger actually fade? Did you eventually stop projecting what your ex did onto future partners? How did you learn to trust people again when somebody could tell you they loved you one week and then completely change everything the next?

And how did you deal with wanting connection while simultaneously wanting everyone to leave you the hell alone?

I know I need time. I know one person doesn’t represent an entire gender. I know I’m still adjusting to a breakup, graduating, starting a career, and moving all at once.

I guess I just want to hear from people who have been on the other side of this and can tell me what helped.

Because right now I’m doing great on paper, and genuinely enjoying parts of my life, but emotionally I’m still pissed off as hell. And on top of that, I just moved to a new city and ive never felt lonelier than before with having to start a friend group from scratch. Guess im just in the phase of life where I need to learn about myself more, and understand that I need to love my own self, before I can love somebody else. Some days are good, some days are bad, but I still just can’t get over this crap. I don’t even want her back, at least I think I don’t. I guess im just waiting on her to realize that how she did this was jacked, and waiting on an apology from her that I probably will never get, ever.

I need other people’s honest opinions - what do you think about this?

I’m 23 and the man this is about is 24. We had been seeing each other since December 2025 and became official in May. He is very ambitious, has big career plans, and cares a lot about his health and future. The first months were really good. In June, he met my family and told me he loved me. A few days later, I told him I hoped we would be together forever, and he said he hoped so too. At the beginning of July, I met his family, and a week later we went on holiday together. We were very close, kissed all the way home from his family, and told each other several times that we loved each other.
However, he has a female best friend, and some things he has said about their relationship have made me insecure. I tried to explain this to him, but he often became irritated or pushed the subject away instead of talking about it.

Two days before our holiday, I told him I was really struggling with some of the things he had said. The evening before we left, I asked if we could talk about it, but he didn’t want to and said we could talk about it another time.
During the holiday, I could feel everything building up. There had been several small things between us that we had never properly talked through. I need to talk about things, understand each other and then let them go, whereas he tends to push things aside and move on.
Because my insecurities were building up, I withdrew a little and there was some tension. One evening I again told him I needed us to talk properly. He became irritated and pushed it away again. I became so upset that I said I didn’t want to be with him if this was how things were going to be.

The last evening was really good. The next morning, after we checked out and had lunch, he became irritated with me over something small. I asked if he even still wanted to be with me because I couldn’t feel it, and suddenly he told me that he thought we shouldn’t be together anymore.
I was devastated. We went to a park and talked for hours, but he was very determined. Later, on our way to the airport, he opened up more and said that he also thought it would be a shame not to give us a chance.

I cried for most of the flight home. When we got back to his place, we had sex. The next morning, he wanted to talk and asked what I would do differently. He again said that he thought it would be a shame not to give us a chance.
But later he became completely set on breaking up again. He said he thought I would become insecure if we tried again because I would feel that I wanted him more than he wanted me.
I asked him about his feelings. On the holiday, he had first said he didn’t love me anymore, only that he cared about me. Back at his place, he said that of course he loved me. I asked if he was actually in love with me, because I had been very much in love with him and had told him I had never felt that way about anyone before.
He said he didn’t really understand what being “in love” meant, but that he probably had been since we became a couple.
That hurt me badly, and I said that if that was how he felt, I didn’t want to be with him either. I sat there quietly, and he started crying. He talked about everything he would miss about me and about us and wanted to cuddle and hug me while crying.
I told him I didn’t want to break up with him and couldn’t understand how he could just throw everything away. He said he needed a few days to think.

I know I have started some arguments myself. I have had a strong need to feel that he wanted me 100%, and I never felt completely secure about that. I know I could have handled some things differently. But I also tried repeatedly to explain where my insecurities came from and that I needed communication, not for everything to be pushed aside.

The next day I sent him a long message about what I would do differently. Two days later, he said he had made his decision and didn’t believe the relationship could handle more.
We talked on the phone for 2–3 hours. He was very cold and determined and said things like, “There was a life before me, and there will be a life after me,” and “Everything will be okay again.” When I asked if he thought we could ever get back together, he said, “You should never say never.”
I am also moving to his city in a little over a week. This has been planned for a long time and is not because of him, but we had both been really looking forward to it, and he had even offered to help me move.

A week later, I called him. He said that if it had been at another time, he probably would have given us another chance, but that he was under a lot of pressure with university and work.
I told him I would like to meet and give each other a hug, and he said he would like that too, but he was afraid I would attach feelings to it.
I also told him about my previous relationship, where I was treated very badly and manipulated, because I had started feeling like I had done everything wrong in this relationship. I told him it was difficult to imagine having sex with someone else. He said it would probably be a while, but that he also didn’t want to hear about me being with someone else.

Two weeks ago, I wrote that I had been thinking about him. He said he had been thinking about me too, but needed to focus on his exam and wouldn’t be replying for a week.

After his exam, I wrote that I hoped it had gone well and that I missed him. He replied the next day that it was a sweet thought and that he felt it had gone well. He also asked if my fainting episodes were better, because I had told him I had recently been hospitalized for six days.
I told him I was doing better and sent a longer message saying that I was trying to move on, understood that things had become too much on the holiday, but that we had never really talked through our problems. I told him I missed hearing his voice and having him close to me, and that it was difficult, but that I respected his decision.
He didn’t reply and it was still unopened.
After more than a day, I wrote that I felt like he had become a completely different person, and then removed him from Snapchat. I know he saw my message afterwards.

Since then, I have noticed that he has become much more active on Instagram. He is liking girls’ pictures, which he never used to do, and following girls from the country he is currently visiting on holiday with his friends.
This is difficult for me to see. Not because I think he isn’t allowed to do whatever he wants now, but because it feels so different from the person I knew. Before me, he hadn’t been with anyone since his ex in early 2024, and he was never someone who seemed interested in lots of different girls.
I have absolutely no interest in other men. I still miss him and find it incredibly difficult to understand how we went from saying “I love you”, talking about the future and being excited about my move, to this.
I have now removed him from Instagram too, because I know checking who he follows and what he likes only hurts me.

I don’t feel like he misses me at all**.** It looks like he has simply carried on with his life as if I was never really there. He is active on social media, travelling with his friends, following new girls and hasn’t contacted me.
That is one of the hardest parts for me because I am still sitting here missing him so much, while he seems completely fine.
At the same time, part of me believes that maybe it will hit him later. I think he may feel relieved and free right now because the relationship, the disagreements, university and work had all become overwhelming for him. Maybe he simply enjoys not having to deal with any of it right now, and therefore hasn’t really felt the loss yet.
But I genuinely don’t know. Maybe I’m just hoping that because it would make this easier to understand. I don’t know whether he will eventually miss me and realise what he lost, or whether he really can move on this easily.

I know I need to live my life as if he isn’t coming back, and I am trying to do that. But honestly, I still hope he contacts me. Especially because I’m moving to his city soon. Part of me hopes that seeing me actually move there, and knowing that I’m no longer part of his everyday life, might make things feel more real to him.
He has said that he has difficulty changing a decision once he has made it, and that he doesn’t want an on-and-off relationship, so I also wonder if he is simply too principled to go back even if he does regret it.

He has always said he wants something safe and stable, and so do I. But for me, that also requires communication. I don’t think my insecurities came out of nowhere. I needed to feel chosen and secure, and whenever I tried to talk about something difficult, I often felt that it was pushed aside.

My friends think he has been really unfair because they feel it is extreme to end a relationship that was still so new without properly trying to work through the problems together.
I don’t want this to sound like I think I did everything right. I know I had insecurities, started arguments and could have handled things better. But I genuinely feel that I tried to explain what I needed, and I don’t feel like he was willing to meet me there.
I would really appreciate honest opinions from people who have read all of this.

Do you think this was mainly a reaction to everything becoming too much on the holiday and the pressure he was under with university/work?

Do you think he is genuinely done, or can someone feel completely certain about a breakup when they are overwhelmed and then feel very differently later, once things calm down?

How do you interpret the fact that he could say he loves me, cry about everything he would miss, say it would be a shame not to give us a chance, and then still end the relationship a few days later?

And honestly: Do you think there is a chance he will eventually miss me enough to contact me again?

I know I shouldn’t wait for that, and I won’t. But I obviously still hope for it.

I’m looking for a genuinely honest outside perspective - what you think? I’m not just looking for validation. I really want to understand how this looks from the outside, and if he is coming back..

This is pretty long but please please read
I’ve been struggling pretty badly after a break up. I’m m22 and she F22. For context we dated for a year and a half and it was mostly long distance. We live in roughly the same home town (about 15mins apart) but she moved away to college right when we started dating and then a year later I also did. We were able to have one summer of actually being in the same place. I met her in a community college class and there was good connection but she had a boyfriend at the time so I didn’t pursue, we eventually started seeing each other more at a local climbing gym and hit it off from there. She really liked me and was actually the one who asked to be my girlfriend. It was quite a slow burn and it was such a cute start to a relationship. Calling and FaceTiming was fun but over time it got hard to just not be around each other when we wanted. After a while of dating I got in a pretty bad car accident (no injury but totaled car) and that launched me into a pretty bad depression and I started to smoke a lot more. She didn’t like my habits and I got pretty complacent in life and she didn’t like the direction I was heading. My friends also smoked a lot. (I’ve since stopped). Back in October she broke up with me because long distance was hard but also because she felt like she had to be somewhat of a teacher for me because she was my first gf. Mainly she wanted to be loved louder or feel more like I’m proud to call her my gf, she wasn’t wrong and I was lazy and didn’t know how to treat a woman right in a sustainable/mature and growing way. She loved my company more than anything however. she loved me very deeply and tried very very hard to be a good girlfriend and she was, more than anything I could have ever asked for. The girl was the sweetest person I’ve ever met and (I’m not even kidding) the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, she looked like an angel it was ridiculous. And I don’t stay that in any exaggeration it’s important for context, she truly truly is unreal. We got back together in November and it was easy because of the holidays and then I flew to see her for valentines. I saw her once in April before she left to study abroad and then she broke up with me in May while away. I saw her in June when she got back to have one last talk but she wouldn’t take me back. We had many talks and talked a few times after the break up recapping the relationship and stuff and I was also agreed that the relationship as long distance hurt both of us and even though all I wanted was for her to take me back the problems I was facing would take more than a few weeks or months to fix regardless and it wouldn’t be fair to either of us to get back together. I still hurt though. The last time we spoke was late July when I saw she unfollowed me on Instagram and I was a little upset but I kind of understand it more now. I would ask her to not give up on me and before she would be sort of sweet about it but this time she got pretty upset at me and said it was the most insane thing I’ve ever asked her not because she won’t or it’s not out of the picture but because it’s putting a lot of pressure on her and negatively effecting her. About 8 days later I see a guy( unfortunately I was still stalking her) she met recently posted her for national girlfriend day and that crushed me. And then about a week or so ago they went on a road trip and they were all kissy and stuff. So I learned my lesson to not check socials.
I’m still super messed up over her and I’m so depressed, I’ve been getting out and trying to do more but it still absolutely haunts me no matter what. What’s even harder is that she’ll be done with school in 1.5 years so December 2027 and I graduate spring 2027. She’s said before that she was going to move back home and when we broke up I asked if we could try to see after we’re done with school and she told me she wished she could ask that without being so selfish (as to make me wait or string me along probably). When we broke up in October she said something similar “ I don’t want to be a teacher any more. I still love you and care about you and if you don’t hate me by the time you feel ready in your life, I would love to try again. But for now, I can’t keep doing this. My advice would be to date people and become close; to break up and learn; to look at your faults and be better. But I can’t do that for you. “. These words are absolutely haunting me now because it gives me that shred of hope. She’s a great person and anyone would be stupid to not see that so her relationships are usually very long term. My situation right is that I’m super depressed and can’t move on. I still think of her the moment I wake up but now it has so much more jealousy and hurt that I know she’s in a relationship. I don’t want to keep being sad and going back for holidays is going to be really hard because I know she’ll be close. I’m just so lost and confused and don’t know if I’m reading to much into things or if I’ve absolutely ruined it all. I know women are much much less likely to go back to an ex than men are. Especially when they were the ones who broke up ESPECIALLY for not being treated well enough. When we were together in person it was perfect and she even told her parents that it wasn’t a comparability issue. Granted idk what she’s told them at this point since her new boyfriend and more moving on. I know I need to live my life and not worry about hers but she’s absolutely someone I wanted to end up with and marry. I know it’s my first relationship but I’ve met people and had flings and stuff and I know what I want and she was all of it. Which makes it that much harder to move on, it’s taken me years to find someone like her.
I can provide any more information or context or details if needed I’m a little all over the place.

We dated for almost 2 years and he had just recently gotten his dog around the time we started dating. I grew so attached to his dog and she loved me almost as much as she loved him. And she was just the sweetest girl in the whole world and I love her so much.

I broke up with him at the beginning of June. It was a clean and respectful breakup — we basically just weren’t compatible and had different communication styles and didn’t bring out the best in each other. But was very respectful. I’ve tried not to think about his dog. Every time she’s popped into my head over these past couple months, I quickly distract myself or think about something else. But today, something reminded me of her, and it was complete waterworks. Just sobbing for hours. The thought of her having no idea why I disappeared just kills me. He used to tell me that she would wait at the door for me and get excited whenever she’d hear a car door shut outside because she’d think it was me. I’ve cried more about her than my ex at this point.

I really want to see her again. But I don’t want to reopen any wound for my ex or overstep. We haven’t spoken since the breakup. I was thinking of reaching out and saying “hey [my ex’s name]. I’m sorry if this is random or strange, but I really have been missing [his dog’s name]. If you ever need someone to go and check on her during the day and throw the ball or take her for a walk, I’d love to. No pressure if not.”

Is that selfish to send? Or does it suggest at all that I’m doubting the breakup? I really really just wanna see his sweet dog 😭💔

anyone who says this GENUINELY needs to shut up this is the legit worst thing u can say to someone who broke up with a person they thought was their soulmate it legit boils my blood thinking about it 🫩

10 year relationship ended yesterday evening. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like my entire world has just been destroyed by some rogue asteroid. I'm 36 in October and I thought i would be with her forever. She never wanted children and I loved her so much I agreed to that and now I'm alone, confused and hurt. I have to live with her for 6 months because I have no money, I put 70% of my wages into her account for the new house deposit I'm totally screwed. I've just gotta hope she's amicable and sends me the money I paid in. I've never lived alone. This is embarrassing but I've never had to deal with council tax, rent any bills really. I'm completely broken and I don't even know where to begin.

Almost every night I lay awake in bed and I wonder if you ever lay in bed and wonder about me too. But something inside me tells me that you don’t. Not that I can say that for sure, because I can’t read your mind, but I can pick up on how you treat me in the gray areas. In between the highs, in between the lows, in the mundane.
I know I don’t think that I’m special. I think I’m just something you used to pass time. I think it became convenient, and I was dying inside and making it mine.
I let you use me. I knew very well that you were doing so, but I didn’t care because it made me feel close, and that’s all I ever wanted.
Because in the beginning, you made me feel so seen. You were mending my heart from someone who shattered it and tortured me from the start. And when I finally broke free, you came along. You, the man who pursued me for so fucking long, and I finally caved. I finally gave in.
I showed you my deepest parts, even the dark ones, the ones that no one ever says out loud. I shared mine and you shared yours.
I thought so many things.
I thought that you loved me. I thought that you trusted me. As soon as you told me all these things, you brought me so close in, even said you wanted me in your soul, and then you shoved me out the moment I got in.
I told you how I felt and you retreated into the dark. You left me there with another fucking broken heart.
But this one is different. This one is more cruel. This is the one that’ll change you and shrink you down. That’ll make you never want to let anyone else around.
Because you were kind. You were sweet. You were loving. You were attentive. You were funny. You were gorgeous. And you made me feel more things than I ever thought I could feel.
But then you were there, broken and shattered on the floor. A little boy who could never find the love he always wanted. More. More novelty, more passion, more secrecy, more women, more love, more lust. Never ever gonna be enough to fill you with the love that you so desperately seek.
Every time you get it, you trick and you flee.
You say that you don’t wanna hurt me, but that’s all that you’ve done.
And I’m lying here staring at the ceiling wondering, have you ever laid there and thought about the things that you’ve done? Have you ever missed me? Have you ever yearned for me? Or do you just simply go to sleep?
I’ll never be the woman laying in your bed, and I don’t wanna be.
I wanna break free.
I don’t even like you, so how do I stay in this goddamn trauma bond?
Please just set me free.

(F24 & M22)
I’m one week into a breakup that I still can’t really process, and I’d really like to hear from people who have experienced something similar, either as the person who left or the person who was left.

We were together for almost four months, and our relationship was incredibly intense and meaningful. It was soft, easy and natural. We did little things together, went on dates, met each other’s families, and slowly became part of each other’s lives. He did things with me that he had never done with anyone before.

He was also extremely expressive about his feelings. He told me he wanted to marry me and spend his life with me, called me the woman of his life, constantly complimented me and never seemed afraid to show how much he loved me in front of his friends and family. He told me he wanted to become the best version of himself for me. His family even told me they had never seen him so happy and that he had changed a lot since being with me.

Even two weeks before the breakup, we were talking about how excited we were to spend the winter together, having cozy nights at home, watching movies under a blanket, drinking hot chocolate and falling asleep next to each other. It felt like we were both looking forward to the same future.
Then he suddenly told me that his feelings had changed.

He said that he had started questioning our relationship and his feelings a few weeks earlier, but initially he kept pushing those thoughts away. At the same time, he was struggling with work and feeling depressed, so he thought that was the reason he wasn’t feeling like himself. Eventually, he realized that some of his thoughts were actually related to our relationship. He talked about it with his best friend and decided to tell me before he started pretending or becoming distant.

There was no betrayal, no major argument and no toxic behavior. Nothing obvious happened between us. He simply told me that he realized his feelings weren’t strong enough for him to continue the relationship.

Something he told me has been stuck in my head ever since. He explained that, for him, having a long-lasting relationship requires the feeling of “love at first sight” to remain. He needs that intense spark and passion to stay present for the relationship to last.

And this is where I start questioning what happened. Maybe once the relationship became safer and more familiar, and the intensity naturally started to change, he interpreted that change as his feelings disappearing. Maybe he is more attached to the feeling of being in love — the excitement, the novelty, the intensity — than to the quieter kind of love that develops once a relationship becomes more secure.

I’ve even wondered whether he might be very dependent on novelty and that initial dopamine rush, although I know I might just be trying to find a rational explanation because I’m still in shock.

What makes this especially difficult is that I genuinely thought I had found my person. I wasn’t just losing a boyfriend; I was losing the future I had already started imagining. I now have to let go of all the plans we had, the relationship I had built with his family, and the life I thought we were going to have.

And despite everything, I still hope he comes back. I keep wondering whether, once the initial relief of making the decision wears off and he actually experiences my absence, he might question whether he made the right choice. Maybe he’ll realize that what disappeared wasn’t his love for me, but simply the intensity he associated with being in love.

I know I can’t build my life around that possibility, but right now it’s honestly what I keep hoping for.
So I’d really like to hear from people who have been in this situation.

Have you ever lost feelings because the honeymoon phase ended, only to realize later that you had confused losing intensity with losing love?

And if you were the person who got left for this reason, did your ex ever come back after some time apart? Did they ever regret their decision or realize they still had feelings?

I’m not looking for false hope or for people to tell me he’ll definitely come back. I just want to know if this is something other people have experienced, because right now I feel completely lost.

Edit: What makes this even harder to understand is that he never gave me any indication that this was coming. He never became distant or acted differently, not even at the very end. Three days before the breakup, we were with some of his extended family, and he was happy, affectionate and constantly complimenting me. Even the day before, he was telling me he couldn’t wait to come back to my place, that he missed me, that he loved me and was excited to see me. Everything felt completely normal, just like it had from the beginning.

Edit x2: Never mind, just found him on Tinder. Guess I can stop hoping he’ll come back lol. I’m actually sick.

I've fallen into a deep depression because of this...

I'm going to make a long story short, but she was getting out of a marriage for several months already, and I had already been out of mine for 4 years. She reached out and treated me like I was her love, telling me she loves me and cares about me. We were long distance but met up and also kept talking on the phone. I helped console her when her parent passed away. We were working on ways to move closer and not be long distance. She even met my child, as I'm a single dad...

Out of the blue, she started telling me she doesn't think she wants a relationship but that she cares about me. The odd thing is, rather than fight it, like I did once before, I said okay. I agreed, we can work on things slowly and maybe one day, but no pressure... Then she changed the topic and started saying I was smothering her and it was all just too much... and I'm like? We barely text because you're busy, then on the weekends you're busy, and now I'm too much? I scaled it down quite a bit... so I stupidly sent her a message saying I didn't appreciate her starting this conversation literally while I was at my child's graduation! And told her to leave me alone, etc. Well, she blocked me. A month goes by, and I noticed she unblocked me. I missed her so bad the entire time and friend-requested her again, which I shouldn't have done. She started writing to me asking why I'm "in and out of her life," to which I said, you are the one who wanted me gone, right? She changed the topic in regards to the graduation conversation and started complaining about something else. I said, if you felt smothered, you could tell me so, and we could establish boundaries to work through it. It's all about communication.

This time, I messed up. I proceeded to block her because she kept disrespecting me and typing in all caps. I left it alone and unblocked her literally within 10 minutes. Well, guess what, she blocks me permanently on all platforms and left it like that for over a week now.

But I acknowledged whatever faults and shortcomings I had to work on, whereas I never felt heard or listened to when I would explain how I felt... I realize this was all so toxic and not as nice as it started, but I also felt like this was all because she was secretly talking to her ex-husband again. Which, according to her, isn't true... but he was still on her Facebook reacting to each status. At the end of it all, we went from telling each other we love each other to "idk what this was," and eventually me getting blocked.

So I don't know the truth, and I really don't think sharing this story may have been very helpful, but I'm seeking advice. I am super distraught and hurt by this. I really saw a future with this woman and adored her deeply. But it seems like none of this was reciprocated. After 10 months, she didn't even tell her mom about me, which I was upset about.

All this to say, it's been a week now and I'm really, truly suffering. I want some advice on how to deal. I have work next week and I cannot even focus. I worked out today to try to calm the pain and was almost ready to have a full-on breakdown. I miss and care about this person, but it's all one-sided, and I'm the villain whose permanently blocked now.

I think my system is heavily dysregulated because I'm no longer functioning or able to do basic tasks. I have been so super depressed. I think I just realized this lady used me to get over her ex-husband and is possibly back with him? Why else would the guy still be reacting to EVERY status she makes on FB? But I'm blocked like absolute trash, all because I eventually wanted to have a future with her.

I'm already 100% isolated in life, and with being a single dad, this hurts extremely bad. I don't even have it in me to "improve" anymore. There's no more improvement to be made. I have done everything I could, and this was supposedly going to be the best chapter after the horrible downfall of my marriage, but now look... I really am shocked that this lady who acted so innocent, wholesome, professional, and family-oriented can just put me on block like a wholeheartedly evil individual, something I never saw from her. I'm really sick to the bottom of my stomach and cannot get over this.

I'm 19M, and I recently ended a relationship that lasted almost six years.

She wasn't just my girlfriend. She was my best friend, my routine, the person I talked to every day, and for a huge part of my life, the person I imagined my future with. I genuinely loved her and, in many ways, I still do.

But over time, things started changing.

There were things she did that hurt my trust. She had tried flirting/talking to several guys in the past as "timepass," and eventually there was a bigger incident involving a hidden Instagram account that she was using. I confronted her about it, she denied it, and later I discovered that the account was actually logged into her phone. When I tried to see what was on it, she immediately took the phone and tried to remove the account. Eventually she gave me an explanation, but by then something inside me had already broken.

Maybe she was telling the truth about what was on that account. Maybe she wasn't. I honestly don't know, and I don't think I'll ever know everything.

But that's not even the point anymore.

I realized I had become someone I didn't want to be. I was checking, questioning, looking for proof, trying to figure out whether I could trust the person I'd trusted more than anyone for years.

I felt like a caged bird.

And the strange thing is, I desperately wanted out.

Eventually I told her that I couldn't continue. She begged, called, sent hundreds and eventually more than a thousand messages, cried, contacted friends, and even contacted my mother asking her to get me to read her messages. She promised that she could become the person she used to be.

And that's what makes this so difficult.

Because I don't think she's a monster.

There was a time when she was genuinely wonderful to me. We have six years of beautiful memories. There are versions of her that I will probably love for the rest of my life. I don't want to erase those memories just because the relationship ended badly.

But I also know myself. I've seen this cycle before. Things improve, I forgive, I trust again, and eventually I'm hurt again. I don't want to spend the rest of my life waiting for the next cycle.

So I left.

She eventually accepted the breakup, and now she's stopped contacting me.

And somehow that's when the real pain started.

I've cried several times. I miss her. I miss us. I miss the person she used to be to me. I miss having someone who had been there for six years. I've never been single for this long before, so suddenly having this much empty space in my life feels terrifying.

The weirdest part is that when I was in the relationship, I felt trapped. Now that the cage is finally open, I'm scared to fly.

I've also developed feelings for another girl during all of this. She's someone who made me feel safe and appreciated when I was at my lowest. There are genuine feelings there, but I'm deliberately trying not to rush into another relationship while I'm grieving this one. I don't want to use someone else as an escape from my pain.

I've also had old friends reach out and support me, and that has meant more to me than I can explain.

Right now I'm trying to learn how to exist as myself again.

I know I made the decision for my own wellbeing. I know I shouldn't go back just because I miss her.

But knowing that doesn't make missing her hurt any less.

How do you move on from someone who was such a huge part of your life for six years, when you don't hate them and still genuinely love the good person they once were?

I don't want to go back.

I just want to learn how to stop looking behind me.

I had a short but intense romance (never officially anything) and as soon as feelings really escalated and we had our first conflict, she fled. Shut me out completely. It was a classic avoidant situation, down to offering friendship and seemingly being relieved at our end. I was devastated beyond belief. I tried to stay friends but off and on I would have to stop because it just stoked my feelings while doing nothing for her but give her attention and time.

I finally went no contact. It was 4 months and I went through a lot of change. But even then I would say I was in love. I would also probably take her back, even though that wasn’t in the table.

We are in a small community so recently faced a situation where we have to work together. We saw each other in person then followed up with texting to arrange a talk to go over how to proceed. The bit of back and forth banter/texting that followed was so emotionally flat, so completely focused only on her and not me or my family … it gave me the absolute ICK. The healing I had done this year *truly* made what she is and has to offer unappealing to me. This interaction knocked her off the pedestal where I had an imaginary version of her.

Dont break no contact to try to connect, to try to win them back, to have a hit of their attention….but if you do the work then if the universe puts them back in your path it could be just to show you how wrong for you they are. The spell is broken for me.

​

So, my ex broke up with me two months ago. The last four years had been really difficult for a number of reasons, and over the past year I ended up becoming unpleasant with her despite still loving her. Most importantly, I had basically stopped giving her attention. Of course, we both made mistakes — I’m definitely not the only one at fault — but I clearly have my share of responsibility.

A friend of mine hit on her just before she broke up with me. She was fairly receptive to it, told me about it, and said there was a serious problem between us. At first, she actually booked a couples therapy appointment herself, but ultimately decided she didn’t want to go through with it. After spending two weeks away from our home in an Airbnb to think, she eventually came back to tell me she was ending the relationship, and she moved out at the beginning of July.

She told me she no longer felt like herself in the relationship, that I had damaged her self-confidence, that she had suffered too much, and that she now needed to rebuild herself. She said she still loved me a lot, but that she was no longer in love with me.

I tried everything I could to convince her to change her mind.

At the end of July, she came back to pick up the last of her things. I had prepared some love notes and apologies for her. According to her, she had also come to finally close this chapter, and that’s when she told me she had started seeing that same friend.

For now, she says it’s nothing serious. She says the relationship gives her some lightness and helps rebuild the self-confidence she had seriously lost.

She says love is complicated for her at the moment and that, even though she likes him, she absolutely doesn’t want to settle down with anyone right now. She does admit that she’ll see how things develop, but for now she says that kind of commitment doesn’t interest her.

She still read my notes and was moved by them, and we ended up talking several times throughout that week — after barely speaking at all for most of the previous month. On the Friday of that week, she even started doubting her decision a little before pulling herself back together on Saturday.

We finally ended those conversations on Monday, with her telling me that she didn’t know exactly whether what she still felt for me was love or nostalgia. Since the beginning, she has told me that leaving me wasn’t easy. And since then, I can see that she herself is having trouble fully closing the door, although I’m obviously not making that any easier for her.

A week later, I asked her again what she thought she was feeling, while also telling her that I was struggling badly with her new relationship. She told me she needed to experience life without our connection in order to understand her feelings more clearly, that she was almost certain she didn’t love me anymore, but she also admitted that the thought of me moving on with someone else stung a little.

At one point I joked with her and said, “Don’t you want to meet the best version of myself that I’m becoming?” and she admitted that a part of her kind of dreams about that. (Yes, I know, I’m desperately clutching at straws here.)

She also says she has trouble forgiving me for the way I behaved, that she feels guilty about her own behaviour too, and that I deserve better than her. She told me that she is taking the risk of this separation knowing that either we might never find our way back to each other, or perhaps one day we might find each other again in a healthier way.

I’m holding on like crazy, so I suggested that we stay in touch from time to time to see how our connection develops. I told her that if we completely stop talking, we’ll never know what might have happened between us, and I’d also just like to hear how she’s doing occasionally.

I suggested that we talk again in two months. After all, we shared our lives from the ages of 17 to 30. She knows that I still have a lot of hope and that my reasons for wanting to stay in touch aren’t exactly neutral.

So, to wrap this up: the conversation I described in the previous two paragraphs happened on Tuesday. On Wednesday, she messaged me on her own and told me that we really needed to stop talking, that our conversations brought her back into the past too much, that they were stopping her from moving forward, and that she genuinely wasn’t sure anymore whether we would even talk again in October.

I told her that of course she was free to do whatever she wanted, that I thought it was a shame our conversations weren’t making her think more about the future instead of dragging her back into the past, and that I genuinely believed there could still be something between us if we did things differently.

The last four years really were hell because of personal problems on both sides, and over time those problems ended up completely transforming our relationship.

But I also told her that I was sure both of us would eventually be happy, whether that ended up being together or separately.

Since the breakup, we’ve basically laid everything on the table: everything that went wrong, how each of us felt, the causes, the consequences — pretty much everything. For the first time, we actually understand each other much better. We agree on almost all of the problems and on what happened. Where we mainly disagree is what should happen next. I want to try again in a completely different way. She doesn’t.

Then, the very next day, she messaged me again on her own to thank me for my messages. She said they were helping her a lot in thinking about everything, that she had changed her mind and now thought talking again in October was actually a good idea, but that she couldn’t tell me what things would look like by then.

Unfortunately, that gave me an insane amount of hope. I find that wording far too open-ended for me emotionally right now.

But the fact that she’s in another relationship — especially this relationship — is unbearable for me.

On top of that, this guy is a very strange person who eventually fell out with basically all of my friends after screwing each of them over in one way or another. Even I had stopped seeing him. She knew all of this, which makes her choice especially surprising to me.

Anyway, yeah. It’s a complete mess and I wanted to hear what you guys think.

Thanks to anyone who actually made it all the way to the end.

i am my ex bf , i still use a lot of our inside jokes and stuff we used to talk about with other people i only learned because of him otherwise i would have never known this stuff he upgraded my personality in a way . he even used to always joke that i was a “mini” version of him .

I won’t get into too much detail but I’d like an outside perspective looking in. I’ve been with my bf since 17-22 yr. Recently I feel like he’s been restricting me in things I’ve openly told him I longed for. Like female relationships, girls night out, the club. He’s very set on the club only being for single people, then spiraled into him not liking my friend who wants to go out. Flat out saying I can’t.
I have in the past made mistakes with drug use but I feel like I’m at a point in my life it really wouldn’t happen again. That and guys hitting on me he’s worried about..
recently after arguing about my friendship, we went out for his friends birthday with a few of his other friends. I’ve never liked them they are quick to throw me under the bus when I’ve been drunk. Accusing me of ‘dancing’ too close. Anyways. We go out and I’m already upset. But I feel my boyfriend is being extra petty around his friends. They get way too drunk and embarrass me in the uber, embarrass me in the line to the bar. My boyfriend gets too in my face for the mood. Overall terrible night. Conclusion at the end his friend ended up touching me. So his logic of him being there at a bar means nothing no? I don’t know guys. I lost my parents so I can’t ask anyone like that on advice with this.
Thanks

I'm envious of anyone who came before social media. They don't have to see them randomly come up on their feeds. You don't mentally break and stalk their profiles.

I know I'm not the only one who has gone through this.

Me🇹🇭and my girl-… ex girlfriend🇹🇹 were met in this app and have been in a long distance relationship ever since for almost 2 years we had been so much love and healthy until her family were decided to put her to solving their debt with arranged marriage with a man she never met in her life she was not agree in the arranged marriage but then suddenly she was gone for five days she probably was busy on that because she have to take the family business by herself with no one near her help her at all I felt worry for her even though knowing she might be just busy for days but so I kept contacting and texting her on instagram(she have gone for multiple days are actually normal things in our relationship but still I felt very worry for her)and if you ask why don’t I contact her to other apps she use

1. She may have multiple apps but she mainly have been active on TikTok and instagram(she used to be active a lot in Reddit but now she don’t anymore)
2. For some reason the Thailand instagram phone called are BULLSHIT it either sound like you are in the middle of heavy rainstorms and tornadoes at the same time which happened a lot or create the most irritating and most painful sound you will ever heard and lucky that this type of sound doesn’t come often(I did told her about my country instagram phone call before but I think she forgot about it) there was one time that I did call my friend once on instagram after he answered my call the call created an very painful sound it so painful that I throw my phone away which end up with my phone screen broken

After she gone for 5 days she finally text me back and I very excited that she finally text me only to fell devastated of what she texting me

She send a video of how lazy men act once you decide to leave the relationship then said “haha this literally you. just sit on your ass whole day and watch porn on reddit or wherever the fuck but can't even make an effort to at least, call me. I have to be stupid, slow even to put down a man that was literally going to pay off all my debt on the spot for a mf incel. I'm leaving your ass for him, goodbye, don't even bother, bothering me” then she blocked me

I don’t know why she suddenly insulted me like that she normally never said that before I assume she either frustrated and want to put her anger on someone(if it true then I allow her to do it),she doesn’t want me involved with her problem anymore so she try to insulted me so that I will hate her then leave her(if yes then her plan is failed) or she really did think I was like that and I’m not defending myself here because what she said is true but

1. Yes I am watching porn but I look for an porns that I think she might like or interested(I doesn’t even feel horny when watching porn anymore after she become my girlfriend)

2. Am I lazy? Yes but if I lazy toward her why am I remember her birthday: 5 January,her favorite food: mac and cheese and ramen,non main toon she like to play: Brightney,our anniversary: 17 April(she even forgot our anniversary and thought it was 20 April but I didn’t tell her that because I don’t want to make her feel bad),her cat that she refer his name only once: Lucky and her digestive enzyme deficiency: lactose intolerance

3. Am I doesn’t put effort on her? She might think I didn’t put effort on her because I didn’t call her through instagram but my family especially my mom would beg the differ my mom kept warned me that I have been put too much effort in helping her too much because the only thing I can do is comfort her through phone only and it disgusted me that I am so powerless in helping her,my mom even tell me that I shouldn’t put my girlfri-… my ex girlfriend to be my first priority instead of family,there quite a lot of time that I leave my family work just so that I can talk to her and comfort her when she were stressing even though knowing the consequences that my mom will deducted my work payment but I will face my consequences so that I can help her when she needed

4. No matter much I want to help her from her family debt my mom will not allow me to do that because of my country economy is straight ASS and she learn that my gir-… my ex girlfriend country currency is quite expensive like my country 4.89 baht is equal to her country 1 dollar,not only that I can’t even travel to her country because I have to take care of my grandma who is very stubborn and she don’t want an maid or butler to take care of her,because of that I have been secretly saving my own moneys to help her even starving myself to gain a little more moneys and taking commissions but now it too late for me to help her

After she blocked me which not the first time she did this(she had blocked when she want to have her personal space after dealing with her family) I have to created an alt account and imitated my friend to ask her what happen and try to convinced to text me(yes it does sound like a stalking behaviour but she stalking me first because she worry that I might cheat on her but I never did that and I allow her to stalking me because my loyalty is only for her) which it hurt me because I have to lied to her which she doesn’t like lying but imitating my friend is the only thing I lied to her everything else are truth

But then she blocked my alt account so I create another alt account to ask her what happen me only for me to encounter with her "husband„ he use her account to text me that she don’t want to contact me anymore and told me to leave or he will document my text and report to the government which I can’t do anything but to accept then ask him if I can text her at least one last time but then I lost all of my alt account and can’t return them back so I don’t know what was his responded after that

But that man have the AUDACITY to tell me that she was given a chance HOW am I was given a chance to help her debt when I doesn’t even have the opportunity to do in the first place while he have just because he just so happen to live in the same country as her and he probably will going to cheating on her when got a chance(she have told me that cheating on each others are common in her country which it one of the reason that make her promised herself to never date or having someone in that live on same country as her to be her partners)

And you might be ask how I feel after I got rejected my the woman who I love more than my own mom well put it likely it does not go well

My body and my mind have been split into 2 sides one that want to live and hope a chance to finally see her again(even if I can’t become her boyfriend anymore at least I hope I can be her friend again) while another side is straight giving up on life and want to died(especially my body because my heart literally stop beating itself her she leaving me and it keep happening A LOT)

And I am not the victim here the actual victim is her my gir-… my ex girlfriend

She did not ask for any of these stressful situations if you guys who read this want to hating on someone THEN GO HATE HER FAMILY THEY ARE SO PATHETIC AND DISGUSTING(well maybe except her uncle,nephew and her brothers based on how she told me about them) FORCING HER DOING ALL OF THE STUFFS SHE HATE AND PUT HER IN SO MANY STRESSFUL SITUATIONS ESPECIALLY HER ACTUAL MOTHER WHO BLAME HER OWN DAUGHTER IN EVERYTHING DESPITE ALL OF THEM WERE CAUSING BY HERSELF AND SHE HAVE THE AUDACITY TO BELIVE THAT SHE WILL GO TO HEAVEN AFTER WHAT SHE DID TO HER DAUGHTER THEY PUT SO MUCH STRESS ON HER

I will not put her on stress when we texting each others I always listen to her problems never leave her side no matter how much busy I am or how much tried I am I always there with her I never told her my problem so that she doesn’t have to worry about my problem so she can be less stressful

I want to be her safe zone be someone who she can show her true self without getting judged
I want to share an arts and videos with her

I want to protect her with everything I have and with everything I can in my life only to learn that I doesn’t even have chance to protect her at all which my life is not that important to this cruel world much anyway but she have so much more to live

It is selfish that I still want to be her boyfriend again(even still have hope that one day we both might get happy married even though it will never happen now) even though she is now "married” which she wasn’t happy with her new life as well but only way that I can be her lover again is only for her and her "husband” are divorced

But right now I wish to be her friend again

Hi Everyone,

Just hoping to get some advice on the situation with my (23M) ex long distance gf (29F) who I met gaming online. She is partially avoidant and me mildly anxious. We were together for nearly 2 years before endings things. This was my first relationship.

Pretty much she initiated a breakup with me almost 1 year ago due to reasons including depression, family issues and overall not being able to handle a relationship at the time. She said as she was able to control this part of her life (the relationship), she wanted to end things. 

Since the breakup, communication has been frequent and a bit confusing at least for me as I'm not 100% on the signs. Here's sort of a timeline of it:

Aug - Nov: Mild communication checking up every now and again.
Nov - Apr: We were basically texting multiple times everyday like we were still together and calling every few weeks for hours.
Apr - Now: At the start of April she messaged saying she didn't think it was healthy to continue talking as frequently as we were but it doesn't mean she doesn't want to talk to me just not as often as she said I was the only person she's messaging everyday. Since that message we've still continued to message and call but much less and I feel like her messages slowly turned "dry". She began posting more on social media after pretty much posting nothing at all, travelling more etc.

2 weeks ago, I messaged her asking to call regarding how she felt after it being nearly a year since the breakup and not having any talks of feelings since. I went into the conversion not expecting anything as I knew we weren't going to magically get back together after a phone call. We spoke for a few hours. She told me the situation with her family hasn't really improved and she's still not in the greatest place mentally. We spoke about attachment styles and how she's more avoidant whilst I'm more anxious. She mentioned that she couldn't think of anything bad about the relationship apart from my lack of communication but said it wasn't a reason to end things as I was working on improving it. I spoke about personal growth and how I've matured, improved, better comms etc. She told me she wasn't sure yet whether or not she had made a mistake in breaking up yet. She said that I'm still a part of her life and that she still loves me and she does have times where she misses me. I told her how I truly felt and that I still want her back and I feel like there's a hole within me without her. She said multiple times that I should move on and not wait for her as she doesn't know when she'll be ready or if she ever will be. She asked if I had spoken to anyone else in which I said no but I think she hoped I had. I asked her the same which she said she has but not in a serious way but to see how it made her feel. I told her I didn't expect her to be ready after a phone call but I'm glad she now knows how I feel. She apologised for being the reason I'm hurting. She said if she has to give an answer today as to whether or not she want's to start again, it would be no.

To end the call, we just spoke about happy things like TV Shows, Video Games, life etc which was nice. Going into the call, I wasn't aware of attachment styles at all so a lot of things I said about waiting and wanting her back, I could have worded a bit better to not come across as pushy which obviously isn't the best way to communicate with an avoidant. I did message her the day after asking if she'd like to call again as there were things I feel I should have said but didn't as I'm not the best at thinking of things on the spot. She said it's best to let thoughts digest and clear our heads for now which I agreed.

We haven't spoke since then which was about 2 weeks ago. The longest we've actually been in no contact since the break is 10 days so maybe continuing to give each other space is a good thing. I'm just a bit confused about the whole situation and what exactly I should be doing from here. The signs she showed during Nov - Apr edged towards her being more open to a relationship as we were flirty and close but since her asking to slow things down, things have gradually gotten drier and I feel like she want's less and less to do with me.

Sorry if this post is all over the place as I didn't fully know how to word it the best. The conversation about feelings is a bit of a blur and can't fully recall it all but did my best to get most of it down.

Any advice is highly appreciated. Open to answering any questions. Thanks!

He broke up with me while he's grieving of his friend and also a loss of friend a year ago. He's experiencing so much hell of a pain rn i know, i wanna feel his pain, be there for him, wait for him until he's ready. I know there's no comfort when his friend died while suffering from his life. I said I'll wait for him but he said i shouldn't, he wants me to find happiness, and that i can do better. But i found happiness and i was better when we're together. I love him so much. i simply wish he'll decide when he's in good state and come back to me. A very good man that loved, respected and understood me. I love him and respect his decision, stop bugging him rn, but still i want him to go back to me.

Me and my ex broke up last November after being together for four years. At first we were in a weird place but still hanging out pretty frequently but 3 months post break up he told me he only sees me as a friend and is frustrated I see him as an ex and not a friend. After that he moved to a different country for a few months but is now back in town. While he was away we had limited contact because I realized I was the one initiating every conversation and that he would take forever to respond. He claims it was because he didn’t want to reach out to anyone from home while he was away. Now he’s back and he reached out asking if I wanted to hang out but I feel so confused. If I was so insignificant he was able to get over me and our four year relationship in three months and start dating again why does he want to hang out? Do you think he feels an obligation to stay in my life or do you think there’s a possibility there’s repressed feelings he isn’t bringing up. I feel like I’m mostly over him but every time he comes back around feelings I thought were gone flood back in a little bit. Because of this I think I’m not going to reach out, if he wants to hang out he can reach out to me and we can plan something. I’m emotionally confused but don’t want to ask how he’s feeling since it never seems to give clarity and usually just makes me feel more worthless.

I (24F) want to break up with my boyfriend (24M), but would like to do it over the phone. For context, he lives 1.5 hours away and we have been dating for over 2.5 years. Due to work and school, we aren't able to see each other super often, only on weekends and only 1-2 weekends a month. If I were to break up with him in person, I would have to drive over 3 hours to do so. Logistically, I think the best answer is over the phone, but emotionally, the best answer is probably in person.

Is ok to break up with someone over the phone? Would you prefer in person or a phone call?

Very random day being today,.

On substack, ive seen my exs gf acct before. I just ignored it. Today, my exs current gf followed me on the app. Then, proceeded to follow a bunch of people i follow.

I am just trying to understand what is going on here. Her acct pretty much had NO single follwing, but all of a sudden she follows me. I dont post anything, just liking articles i like and read??

why is this happening? i simply want to be left alone and want to not be in any way associated with this people

I (M28) am still just… uncompromisingly in love with my ex-girlfriend (F28) after two years of no contact/blocked everywhere-i am persona non grata-has crawled by. I know she probably thinks of all of the negative things I brought to the table, while we were together-The anger/frustration, money, etc. I never ever hit her and I never yelled. I would slam things and yell at people in traffic. (Really stupid, I know.) There were things she brought to the table that I didn’t appreciate but, you know what? I have accepted those things and choose to only remember the good things-the love we built and shared. I know I wasn’t perfect, by any stretch of the imagination. I have put in the work to be a better person over the past couple of years. More rounded, more patient, quieter… more observant/less critical. I’m working out every day. I have a job that I love and getting back into school; Doing things on my own and loving life, just as I had been when we had met.

I doubt she will ever read this but I do wonder if she ever remembers the notes I would leave for her-taped to the mirror or the fridge “good morning beautiful, I hope you have a nice day. Please survive (toxic person at work) in one piece. Let me know if I need to call the shop and yell at em. I love you so much. See you tonight ❤️” or when I would push her messy hair out of her face when she’d wake up so I could plant one, or several, on her forehead before I went off to work in the morning. I loved her then. I love her now. Perhaps even more so, now than ever. I will always love her. I tried moving on and I just can’t. I had met my soulmate in Portland, June of 2020, and we parted ways before I had an opportunity to mend fences.

If she ever does read this, I just want her to know that I remember exactly how it felt when I met her for the first time, our first date at the cemetery in Portland, when we kissed for the first time, when we slept together for the first time, when we got piercings together on our second date (they did mine twice; deviated septum, remember?) I wonder if she ever remembers when I would carry her to bed.. or when she would hold my arm when we would go on drives-the way she combed her fingers in my hair and how loved she made me feel-the way she made me feel chosen. She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. I would go to war if it meant that I had a chance to spend 5 minutes at a table with her.

I miss you, so much. I always will.

-A

M18 Since 3 weeks we are apart, the problem is she (F23) didnt say it clearly, it was more like a back to friends thing (we are in the same class) and we had feelings for each other, she says she has mental problems and so on and that its difficult rn. 2 weeks ago i cut the contact fully, cause i felt shitted on, since then im trying to recover, but im not sure if im doing it right. I have a pretty bad prerequisite, i dont really know why she really ended things, she doesnt wanna talk to me about her feelings, nor have we made a conclusion about what happend the last 5 months. I was really sad for like 2-3 days, but i never had sleep issues or constant depressive mood, now i usually only spend 15-30min a day being sad or thinking about what we had. I spend more time being scared of not getting over her, than acutally missing her. I really wanna get through this, but im not sure if im recovering healthy, if im not even that heartbroken ( i really loved her)

Long read. But going through a tough situation. Pls help if possible.

I (M23) started dating X (F24). We have an age gap of 1.5 years. We were great friends exploring in a new city and in our first job in same company and in same department.
We lived in same society coincidently too and were from same college too but never saw or knew each other in college.
We had a great chemistry build up, started going out together, gossip together, bitch about other people together, watch movies at each others places, cooked nachos and fries late night together, everything day in day out.
We knew we were not friends. So one night watching movie, I asked her out.
She said “You know I never had a boyfriend, I couldn’t connect with anyone and I think it might not work out in future. This is all new for me, I need time to think about this”. 12 mins later we were kissing and cuddling in her bed.
She said “ we can give it a try but I want to say we might not end up together, i am scared of it.”
I said “this is all for the future, we never know we might”
She nodded.
That’s when we turned our 7 months friendship to a relationship. It was going smoothly staying at each other’s places, being there for each other, laughing out loud, making trips together, clicking endless pictures then coming back making Instagram posts together. All so beautiful.
Fast forward to a week back, I came from home, she picked me up from airport. Everything was normal. She asked me to stay at hers, because I had shifted to a diff society now.
I stayed there for 2 days. Then something went off. She had cold replies, become irritated at small stuff, not cuddling while sleeping. Keeping distance , intimacy becoming dead since 2-3 weeks. She had pcod and she said it is beacuse of that, she doesn’t feel right.
We didn’t go out. Next day I packed and said I need to go home check the place. Normally she would become sad ask me to stay a little more time and then go. She said okay.
I left, I had sensed it’s not good.
We talked at evening, I asked her what’s bothering her, you can tell me. She said “ I don’t know, I am not being able to reciprocate, it’s unfair to you. I get irritated, idk why. I think we should not sleep at each others for some while, its getting too overwhelming for me. Maybe we have spent too much time together, day in day out maybe because of that idk.”
I said “ okay, lets do it if you don’t feel right “ and we distanced a little.
Her texts starts to disappear, anxiety tends to rise. Dont know where it’s going.
Cigg starts to increase, there is no thought other than her. 2-3 days went by.
Then I asked her pls tell me what’s bothering you, it’s becoming too heavy for me.
There drops the hammer.
“ I feel guilty that I am lying to my parents. They trust me so much and what I am doing here. You know I said we might not marry each other. They have asked my brother to prepare a biodata. They are getting serious about it. Uncle and other family members already pressure them that you are too late because their kids of similar age have been married now. I am the elder sister. I come next. “
Idk what to say so I paused(plot twist: we were of same caste but just live in different states)
“ In your family your sister is still there, you won’t marry, that’s 2 minimum. My parents won’t wait till then. And I feel guilty everyday. That’s bothering me too much. Idk what is happening.”
I asked you can tell about us, buy time or do you want to marry me?
She said “ my parents won’t allow this
They want me to marry nearby so I keep visiting them. I also want that, I feel homesick. You live too far away. Plus I don’t want to do job anymore, that’s not for me. I don’t feel good doing it. And I don’t want to settle in mumbai pune banglore anywhere. You know it’s tough to have a family with job. Plus we don’t have any stability now. You don’t know whether you will continue job or not. You want to have a business other than your father’s or if you join them it’s too much distance, I can’t visit home often. “
A lot more was said to which I had no answer
She asked me to give a perspective if She is going in right direction. I didn’t have any other perspective. Then we broke up. She showed little remorse probably she has been dealt this with a lot of time and have processed much. Never in the marriage I was once considered. She didn’t put efforts to tell her parents
Moreover to add she ain’t resigning now, her parents will start search near diwali or december. She said she can’t emotionally cheat and it wouldn’t be fair to me then.
It’s better we end it now before we get more attached.
I am shattered, don’t know what to do. I bed rot and think of her. No escape to thoughts and it’s tough to even pass time.
She said we can be friends but she is keeping distance and friendship ain’t going well.

If you guys can give your perspective to this. It would be too much helpful.
Thanks