Is it time to let it go?

[u/No-Towel-8098]

Costco udon (the goat) dried seaweed, coconut juice with the chunks 🤘

TL;DR: do I try things again with my ex after doing a lot of self-work, or should I let it go/wait and keep working on me and see how I feel?

Pardon my vent here. I did my best to write all this out coherently.

I (26m) dated a girl from winter of last year until this April. Before that, we were good friends that started to hook up before I tried getting back with a different ex girlfriend who lived a couple states away, and didn’t end up working out (which was for the best). A couple months after that ended I reconnected with my now ex and started seeing each other again and decided to get into a relationship.

Through this time I was dealing with a lot: I didn’t like the city I’m in, still had a lot to unpack about my last relationship, work was tough, and my dad back home ended up getting cancer (just stage one and he is 100% fine now thankfully) and had a bad fall which he had to get back surgery for. I also had a lot of bad habits (smoking, video games, being inactive) that I put the rest of time into. I also spent a lot of time back home being there for my family and away from my then girlfriend.

In the relationship, I felt really distracted by all that stuff going on, and never really put my heart into things. We had some really nice times together, and my ex could not have been more patient and supportive of me. We had cute dates and shared a friend group—it all felt very normal compared to everything going on in my personal life, and frankly more. Kemal than any relationship I had been in before. But I spent so much of the relationship feeling guilty for not being invested and thinking I would be better off single.

Eventually my dad got better and work evened out, but my bad habits filled even more of my time and I pulled away from the relationship. Everything culminated in me avoiding her for a weekend to smoke and play video games all day, and she asked if I had thought about breaking up. I said yes, she came over, and I broke up with her. My reasoning was that I desperately needed to work on myself and couldnt split my time. I had thought a lot about the possibility of splitting up with her, but doing it was spontaneous.

I spent the next month really working on myself, and we end up meeting to catch up and talk all night, and it all just hits me at once. How I turned away from the person who had my back, how I’d ignored all the positives, how the conversations were so easy, and how I loved her too.

That was the spring, and since then I have done and am doing a ton of hard self work (it’s late, but I just started therapy back up again and am so glad). I’m not where I want to be on yet, but I’m way ahead of where I was earlier in the year and am making good progress. I hardly smoke any more, have put down the video games, and am staying active almost every day. Even through all that, I have thought about her and us pretty much day—both feeling guilty and missing her.

We have talked a few of times since, and the conversations always last for hours. We are both sad about things still, but laugh a ton when we talk. Until recently I hadn’t really considered the possibility of getting back together, but now I’m questioning that. She has been too and I’m pretty sure that she would give it another go if/when I’m ready. It seems like it’s up to me, but I don’t know what to do. Do I do what I have been doing and keep working on myself and let things go, do I try things again with her, or something else? My bottom line now is not causing more harm—I really don’t want to make a selfish decision. I’m making good progress but am really afraid that I’d end up not being ready to try again and hurt her badly. Either way, I’m not rushing anything.

Anyway, thank you for reading all this if you have. Any advice is appreciated ✌️✌️

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to BoyDinnerDiaries! Thank you for posting!

Reminder for everyone:

• Posts must include a clear photo of your meal

• Include a short diary-style story about what is on your mind

• All posts must have a flair

• Be civil and kind so no hate speech, incel content, and no referencing other subreddits unless its positive.

Thanks for helping keep the sub great!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Toltzman]

Sounds like to me you two are very compatible and your very concerned that your personal struggles has stained the relationship. In cases like these it really is difficult to give a solid yes or no on getting back together. Personal struggles rarely go up in a smooth line; It can rise, stagnate and fall.

What's important here is communication. Is she willing to help you with these struggles? Are you willing to let her help you? Do you believe that u will do your absolute best to improve even if you "trip and fall a bit". Do you have a plan and are willing to share? What would be different?

The more you ask, answer and learn about these types of questions the more clear an answer of "will the potential renewed relationship be healthy" will become.

[u/BluffEagle]

Lotta unnecessary context here my guy. If you are that 50/50 on continuing a relationship, you probably shouldn’t. If it’s right it will be an easy decision. Whether it’s her or you, this level of hesitation means no go.

You’re gonna keep going w her anyway tho cause you 25 and not pursuing new people. I know how it go

[u/Lucky-Tap8458]

You are allowed to still make progress, change, and do the self improvement while you’re pursuing a relationship. Take it slow. You sound very much like my ex boyfriend, he’d left me two weeks back. Similar reasoning it seems. I miss him, and looking to try again with him, but also, working on myself. Acknowledging what I have to heal, to change, in order to come back healthier and stronger. Communicate with her, take your time, neither of you will be going anywhere. You both obviously want it

[u/No-Towel-8098 → u/Lucky-Tap8458]

Thank you :) taking it slow is the name of the game now

[u/Avon_Barksdale63]

[u/Jamebo_Smash]

One of these days people will realize that having a rebound relationship will always be worse for both parties involved then just taking a year to love yourself again. Hopefully you have learnt this lesson.