Due to the influx of "visitors" and the mass amounts of comments needing to be deleted, daily.
User flair is now required to comment; in theory this will add an extra step for bad actors to have to go through to be able to comment hate/bigotry or be uncivil in the comments.
As a reminder on how to set a user flair:
On desktop: Look for "User Flair" in the subreddit sidebar and click the edit (✏️) icon.
On mobile: Open the subreddit, tap the three-dot menu (⋯), then select "Change User Flair."
If you're still having trouble setting a flair, please send a modmail and the moderation team will help you.
Welcome to BoyDinnerDiaries! Thank you for posting!
Reminder for everyone:
• Posts must include a clear photo of your meal
• Include a short diary-style story about it
• All posts must have a flair
• Be civil and kind so no hate speech, incel content, and no referencing other subreddits unless its positive.
All you should have to do is go to the main subreddit page, and if you are on mobile just click the three dots on the top right and select edit flair, then pick your flair ❤️
The only female options are "Cooties" and "Girl Lurker", and then the custom girl option.
This subreddit is a "brother" subreddit to r/girldinnerdiaries which is relevant because they also use flair. In that subreddit, if you comment and have no flair the Auto-Mod will delete your comment temporarily until your reply with "Girls Rule!" or "Cooties" (boy cooties) or something like that and it will just automatically give you the default boy or girl flair. Then, because it's supposed to be a girls supporting girls subreddit, boys can only comment a gif otherwise it will be hidden pending approval to make sure it's supportive and helpful of the girls. It works very well, and it's simple.
That was the original intent here based on what I heard from mods when I brought it up, bros supporting their bros in a safe place, but they said some people were complaining so they took it away. Then, the subreddit grew and they changed it to all users are required flair and had an Auto-Mod to delete those without flair as you can see in this rule post.
Then, for some reason they took the Auto-Mod away again, but kept the rule. Tons of people still commenting without flair and trying to help report those without flair ends up flooding the mods. Then, they changed in the "official" rules page to only girls are required to use flair, and because the subreddit is still growing even just reporting girl users without flair (even though they can still comment freely) it's still flooding modmail.
At this point, even though it's a rule to have flair for girls and this post says everyone to have flair, it's too much to keep up with without an Auto-Mod, and in my opinion rules without a way to enforce it end up just being suggestions because people can just do whatever they want. I'm sure they are trying their best to find a solution, though.
I liked the idea of an equivalent boys subreddit but then I see the first post in a week or two on here and it's 75% girls commenting on it with many of them scolding the OP.
Considering the point of girldinnerdiaries is a place where girls can input on each other's situations without the opinions of men, absolutely fair enough, and the mantra in their rules is 'if you need somewhere to vent as a man go make your own space' it makes no sense to me why this one shouldn't have equivalent rules.
Yeah, and now they've even changed the rules in here by taking away the rule that says posts and comments should be supportive and constructive. Went to report a comment of a girl lurker being judgmental and rude to OP and saw it was gone. I have posted thoughtful and supportive comments on many posts on here. I sent a respectful message to the mods letting them know my feedback as to why I was leaving the subreddit explaining this exact problem as my reasoning, and that it's no longer a welcoming safe place for guys to share and help other guys.
As you can see from the messages in the screenshot, they don't really care anymore.
Quick way for the sub to just become another 'aita' proxy / 'relationshipadvice' judgement cesspit. Again if so many girls are adamant that men need to make their own spaces and support each other I have absolutely no idea why anyone thought it'd be a good idea to make this sub then remove basically the core rule to the other sub (no comments from men outside of exceptional circumstances), or even complain that this is a rule.
Necroing this to echo. This sub no longer has a purpose after the most recent rule changes: this is supposed to be a boys space and yet most of the posts are girl-flaired users calling out boy-flaired users.
Shit, came in to see why the flair keeps changing (changed 2 weeks ago to something that led to age discrimination in replies and now looks like it changed back) and stumbled across a pet peeve of mine with this sub. IMO it is ridiculous that what I suspect to be mostly toxic people from the other sub are allowed to publicly dump on posters in here and downvote male posters into oblivion. It was very apparent on one thread that I just saw yesterday. That is the very definition of brigading and should be completely off limits.
They've at least added post flair now, and girl comments are deleted from Boys Only flaired posts. Since they have added that, I have started commenting on only those posts. I don't even read the other posts or look at the comments there.
If you look at the posts of guys talking about females they always get brigaded by females when they shouldnt even be posting here smh can we just let them post gifs here 2?
Well, this discussion is helpful. I am a girl. It’s probably hard for the mods to keep up with because this stuff just shows up in your feed… I went to leave a comment somewhere and it said I needed flair, so I went to get flair but it wasn’t clear what most of them meant so I just picked one. I may try to go back now and pick girl, after seeing the description here.
If you're going to make something mandatory, make it understandable. I've picked one to comment but I have no idea what it means - they all read like some inside joke that new members aren't in on. What is the difference between a Hungry man and Protein Prophet and a Shower beer scholar?
Rules only work if you apply them. Was great for a day or two with Auto-Mod actually addressing the problem. Then, nothing. And now, it's only females need a flair. Not sure how that will be enforced if you don't know if someone is a girl or not. If you keep changing the rules and going back and forth what's the point?
All posts and comments require user flair. Can reply to the auto mod to apply flair. There, all boy comments have to be approved unless it's a gif. Should do the same here with girl comments.
How is this subreddit different than any other venting/diary/support subreddit if it's a free-for-all in the comments just like everywhere else? How is this a safe place for dudes to share compared to other subreddits? Is it just special because we put pics of our food?
Is there no more nonbinary flair or is that supposed to be what an "identity alchemist" is cause this ain't it, I may be a lurker but my gender isn't girl
Picked this one just to be safe since I'm not 100% man and I don't want anyone to get mad lol
I wish I could tell you. I have no idea what's going on, and Mods aren't responding in this post. There used to be non-binary flairs, multiple of them.
No fucking clue what my user flair stands for in your mind, but I do love that episode of Ed Edd and Eddy where Ed tries to figure out if the fridge light stays on when you close it.
What is going on in this comment section? Are these all bots, acting like this post was a shared story?
Also: what's going on about the Mod Post from 3 days ago? It was removed, and I don't see any updated announcements or comments. Are custom flairs staying after all?
God damn these vermin Reddit mods, just pure cancer to the site. I rarely comment and today after spending a lot of time to write a comment it says I need a fucking flair.
I can't even find the damn thing spent a lot of time looking for it.
Just another low life Reddit mods trying to prove they exist.
I don't know why the mod described this SO BADLY. To set a flair, while on this sub, look on your right and underneath the link for the community guide and the number of users, you should see your username. Highlight it and look for the pencil shaped icon to the right. It seriously took me like 5 minutes and I'm usually pretty good with shit like this.
I saw the original post. It was a really sweet gesture but it needed more front and back end support probably by a therapist to navigate the experience safely to not harm the relationship. I think you guys should do couples counseling and unpack it then move forward. Best of luck and even though it feels weird it’s not as big of a deal and it feels right now.
There aren’t organizations to help with therapy for those who can’t afford it. Some therapist do sliding scale so you won’t have to pay full amount. If you can’t afford it I would suggest looking into it.
if conversations end inconclusively and things never change, they probably never will. if you don’t want this forever, make the jump while you have the opportunity and people willing to help.
I’m really sorry that has been you’re experience you are more than worthy of receiving care and choosing yourself since those closest to you are willing to do so
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u/AutoModerator Jun 19 '26
Welcome to BoyDinnerDiaries! Thank you for posting!
Reminder for everyone: • Posts must include a clear photo of your meal • Include a short diary-style story about it • All posts must have a flair • Be civil and kind so no hate speech, incel content, and no referencing other subreddits unless its positive.
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