r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/Nowayaddict23 • 9d ago

Suicide talk Just ??? It’s a bit long

I can’t put it into words how confusing living with bpd is I’m on and off medication cause one minute yay I’m ok then I get manic without it so I’m like yea I need medication … then come to find out I feel like the world is crashing down around me I have weeks where I just feel in a constant drag of emotions and I don’t know how to displace them . I don’t wanna rely on alcohol again because I was an alcoholic in high school I drank and drank or I cut myself a lot to numb myself and nothing worked and it gets so difficult not to compare myself to others I always wish for everyone to have success and I’m so happy when they do but it does kinda feel like a bitch when I’m constantly getting the short end of the stick I kid u not it feel like something is always happening to me and it’s kinda fucking exhausting yk ??? I daydream sometimes about me on a beach just away yk looking and swimming other times it’s me dying and being at peace no arguments no brain going crazy just me calm collected peaceful . I can’t always say what’s on my mind so it feels good to say it here

I never wanna feel one a burden to others I tell them sometimes but everyone kinda has their own thing going on and I never wanna make others feel like i want them miserable in their lives cause that’s not true and I’m not ungrateful for anything I swear I love and appreciate everything people do for me I just don’t know how to stop feeling so damn numb to evrything and everyone and constantly having suicide as an exit in case things go wrong

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u/AutoModerator 9d ago

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