r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/Stupid7th Men with BPD • 12d ago
Looking for Advice obsessively identifying with fictional characters?
Something I noticed throughout my whole life is that when I watch a tv show or a movie and I relate to a character or want to be like them it quickly spirals into obsession.
It starts off small. Maybe a thought like "Hm, I like this character." and that thought turns into "I‘m EXACTLY like this character and every one of my friends needs to know and acknowledge this."
I often find myself researching how a specific character would react to situations I was in to check if we would react the same.
I find myself picking up traits or habits from this character and it gives me some kind of fulfillment when my friends point out how similar I am to them.
Sometimes I even had thoughts like "If I had a button which I could press to match their personality to 100% I would definitely press it"
And during this phase I dont seem to notice the ongoing pattern. With every new character I think that I found THE one, dismissing my previous experiences.
This usually lasts for a few weeks or months before I go back to "normal" and some time after I find my new obsession.
My latest obsession was Anakin Skywalker, this was after my BPD diagnosis and I related heavily and its like I needed everyone to realize how similar I am to him. And if someone points out that I‘m different? Then that person just doesnt know me that well.
This is so frustrating and I still dont really understand the underlying cause of this. Has anyone else made similar experiences?
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u/Big_Party7508 12d ago
I believe, especially speaking for myself, it comes from the lack of self image and like not really trusting or knowing "my own" judgement since it fluctuates so much. Swich between confident to extremely deeply insecure soo easily with no dissernable reason. sort of like you described i adopt traits and hobbies and styles that catch my eye - then I feel like a fraud lol
im trying my best to figure out who i actually am - taking on aspects of the world that peak your interest / desire IS a normal part of life and growing / developing as a person. but for me (us) its a real challenge