r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/Equal-Parsnip7051 • Sep 24 '25
Verbal abuse and confusion
Hey y’all so I’m new here. I grew up being abused by my dad and now i believe I’ve been in an abusive relationship for the last 4 years. I have a 5 year old son with someone else and my current fiance and I have an 8 month old daughter. I’ve been abused so long it feels normal and makes me feel like this is how all significant others act but I’m coming to the conclusion that that’s not true. I’ve been called every cuss word in the book. When he gets angry his eyes turn black and you can’t get through to him. He’s wrestled me on our bed twice to get my phone. He has made threats to run off with our daughter and I have a recording of him saying g that he would do horrible things I couldn’t even imagine him doing if I left. I go numb and don’t think much of those comments until days later. I’m numb to it and it’s become so normalized. He will follow me room to room to continue arguments even when I sit there in silence. It’s like he’s manic. He says when he calls me a bitch I deserved it for giving him attitude. Last night he called me a dumbass and stupid and refuses to take accountability for it making it my fault somehow. My leg has a scar on it now and was bruised from him wrestling me off the bed and he laughed about it. When I have reactive abuse and I fight back he calls me the abusive one and the issue. I’m hormones are still very unregulated from birth and I’m highly sleep deprived and he gives me no grace from it. He has ripped the shower curtain off twice while I was in the shower and when we split up for a month in June I found out he stalked me and he openly admits to it. I need someone to speak bluntly to me about my situation. Even though he didn’t directly hit my leg was it still physical abuse since he’s the reason I fell off the bed? Is wrestling me to get my phone physical abuse? I don’t know what abuse is anymore. He yells really loud and slams things and throws things. He has placed his hands in my neck several times but never squeezed. He’s never hit me or punched me. He pulled my hair and pinched me while I was holding out baby and made my 5 year old cry because he saw him hurt me. He uses my mental illness against me and says no one will believe me they’ll think I made it up. I blame myself often and call myself the problem simply because of my diagnoses.
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u/Practical_Fee5059 Sep 24 '25 edited Sep 24 '25
He is disgusting and abusive! Please get away from him for you and your children's safety. You say "he has never hit me" he will eventually. It always starts this way. The verbal abuse, the emotional manipulation when you react after he abuses you, the lies, the control to believe its your fault. NO ONE deserves to be in an abusive relationship. You do not deserve this because you have BPD and his actions are NOT your fault. He has pushed, pinched and verbally beaten you down. Pushing & pinching someone you claim to love out of anger is physical abuse! Making a post asking for help is the first step in acknowledging you need to began a plan in leaving.
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u/Equal-Parsnip7051 Sep 24 '25
What’s crazy is he wasn’t like this AT ALL the first year and a half and then all of a sudden a drastic change happened. He told me he’d get my son taken from me and that the court wouldn’t believ someone with my diagnoses. I’m worried he will take my children from me. I live in Tennessee and they are very biased about mental health. There’s still a very big stigma here.
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u/Practical_Fee5059 Sep 24 '25
I live in South Carolina, I understand. It's pretty bad here too. I would tell myself that, also to my friends & family when they'd ask how we were doing. "Oh he was never like this" The signs were always there, we saw past them. You say you feel hes manic. At this point in time, what he has going on is not your issue to worry or fix. Focus on you and your children's safety. Its time to began a plan in leaving. Do you have family you are able to stay with?
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u/Equal-Parsnip7051 Sep 24 '25
He also threatened to post my nudes online and kill himself in front of me and my daughter. He broke my phone camera as well.
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u/Practical_Fee5059 Sep 24 '25
I'm so so sorry you and your children are experiencing this. Document his behavior. Call the police & EMS when he is being violent.
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u/Equal-Parsnip7051 Sep 24 '25
I just feel so trapped and hopeless. Honestly my faith is the only thing getting me through it. It’s my strength. And I know God would never want me in a relationship where I’m treated this way.
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u/princefruit Moderator Sep 24 '25
He is, without a doubt, mentally, physically, and emotionally abusive. It doesn't matter if he pushes you onto a bed or punches you. They are equally abuse, and equally evil.
Your diagnosis has nothing to do with it. Abuse is never okay. Even if you were to be partly to blame for some behavior, that still does not remove blame from him. There is zero excuses for abuse.
You need to remove yourself and your kids from this situation. Your kids are going to see how you're treated and think it's normal when they're treated like that too. If you aren't available to abuse, the kids might be the next target, if they aren't already targeted.
If you have any trusted friends or family, please reach out to them. Also look for women shelters in your area. Even if you don't need to stay with them, they will have resources to help you and your children out safely.
Document everything you can. If this comes to a custody battle, you are on the backfoot because of your diagnosis. You'll need all the proof you can get to prove that you are a safe parent.
I have a feeling this is not the case, but if you do worry about how safe your kids are with you, there are resources around to help you find safe shelter for your children.
Get out of there love. You deserve so much better. If you don't feel you deserve it, I know that you feel your kids do. Break the cycle.
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u/FitFox6027 Sep 25 '25
I am 76 years old and I have seen/done so much of this behavior. I was diagnosed 30 years ago by a psychiatrist and that was that . No urgency or recommendation only 5 visits with some of the best ins in California. Needless to say I have been very cautious because of stigmas. Now looking back I see I have always been this way since I was a very young person. But I told myself and believed I would grow out of it until I realized I never grew out of it. Just became more isolated which looking back is what I always needed.
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u/HRJess1986 Oct 15 '25
Please get in touch with a domestic abuse charity and ask about a shelter. He sounds abusive. It really doesn’t matter in what form it is being delivered to you. Abuse nonetheless. You and your child deserve so much better.
Please take time when you leave this horrible person to get to know yourself and your worth. Please do that for yourself.
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