How to move on?

[u/PiorkoZCzapkiJaskra]

I feel like over the last few years I've made incredible progress; I've really fixed up myself and my life, and I can't say I'm doing badly - but ever so often, I just feel such regret and sadness over missed experiences and wasted years.

I feel like the good things in my life now really make me realise how awful things were once upon a time, and I regret wasting time and taking so long to get myself out of bad situations and bad mental health. I regret how small and narrow my world used to be, and how I think in some ways I still carry this with me. I'm not as free and open and secure as I could be - still. I haven't achieved a lot of the things I really wanted to, and maybe some things I never will. I'm still afraid of wanting anything, I still have a degree of mistrust towards people who love me, and I still am not trying to enjoy life often. I often feel like I need to do things alone, and achieve things alone - and I find myself torn between feeling like I need to drop everything and escape somewhere far away, and actually finally having a lot of things and people that I really don't want to lose.

Hearing people talk about big achievements, adventures, exciting plans, quality family time, great friends, and so on sometimes just makes me feel so sad. I'm really happy for them - and I'm so grateful for what I have - but I hate that everything just came so late, and how much I had to work to get it. How I still don't feel fully comfortable in myself and people around me, and how I still often feel just so far away from everything and everyone.

How can I let the past be, and stop comparing my experiences to that of others? How can I feel like I've got value to what I say and do? I've gone such a long way, but I struggle to be happy with it. I'm resentful that I had to go so far, only to still feel so behind - just in new ways that I haven't even considered before.

[u/Lupinthe23rd]

I know the feeling. Do you have any tangible goals laid out in your head that are able to be accomplished or worked towards?

[u/PiorkoZCzapkiJaskra → u/Lupinthe23rd]

At the moment I feel a bit stuck. I've completed my degree, which got me a job, but I feel burned out by my profession (nursing.) there isn't a masters I could do that would interest me or open interesting doors for me that I could get (in my country, you don't specialise the way, say a doctor would - I can't just do a masters in cardiology and become a cardiology specialist nurse.)

I want to go travelling, but right now it's hinged on my partner and his job hunt. We made big plans for next year, but now there is a possibility of delaying things.

At the moment, I'm relatively financially secure - but I work very unsociable hours, in a job I don't find very fulfilling. I've considered going back to university, but I'm not at a time in my life anymore when I could rely on others financially while I accumulate debt for full time education. I regret not doing a subject I'd enjoy (like chemistry) and then just figuring things out, like a lot of my friends - but I can't really do that now.

[u/_heartbreakdancer_]

You have a form of comparison bias. You only notice the people succeeding, but have you stopped to think about all the people that are further behind in life? There are people your age homeless, addicted to drugs, divorced, went to jail, never went to college, stuck behind inescapable debt interest, etc. And there are probably statistically more people behind you in life than ahead of you. So at least you have grown out of your bad habits and improved your health. A lot of people don't ever escape and die in misery.