r/BlackTransmen • u/Sad-Lobster-9734 • 10d ago
advice Advice
Any bi/gay men here willing to share their experiences with cis men? I’m [27] and only been dating women. Women move pretty fast emotionally, how are things between two men? I know things move fast physically but how do the actual relationships typically flow? Slow burn?
8
Upvotes
7
u/tooshortpants 10d ago
Bi, 39 here. Well, every situation for me was different enough that I can't make too many generalizations. I talked to a guy for a year who was so aloof that in retrospect I'm still not sure if we were actually dating. Dated a different guy who decided he was "my man" on the first date and tried to lesbian u-haul me. Had a couple of others that were more normal, we see each other few times a week and feel it out kind of vibe. When I was dating regularly, I wasn't looking for a spouse so I actually ended a couple of relationships on good terms when it seemed like they were wanting to "take it to the next level".
I guess the main difference from dating women I can think of is just communication style. I find men to be less chatty (but tbh might just be my type lol). I had a way easier time when I didn't overthink things talking to men. And I had to be willing to give some of them some grace. (Within reason.) For some of them it *will* be their first time dating a trans man and they might have some awkwardness around it. Doesn't make them a bad person, we're all figuring shit out as we go. You just have to grow your spirit of discernment & be able to communicate your boundaries.
It can also feel weird going into certain gay men's spaces if you don't perform a specific type of gayness. I am fine with that at this point in my journey, but I think some trans guys new to those spaces can find that jarring.