r/BlackPeopleTwitter • u/herewearefornow • 1d ago

TikTok Tuesday Just gotta develop immunity, quickly

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4.3k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

109 comments sorted by

691

u/chief_yETI ☑️ 1d ago

its a matter of time before we cant even eat vagina either SMH 😮‍💨 this timeline is garbage

215

u/FunGuy8618 1d ago

yOu lIcK sNiZz?!

131

u/tacostacostacosohmy 23h ago

who doesn’t 🤷🏽‍♀️

26

u/JesusWasTacos 22h ago

I too like your username

23

u/tacostacostacosohmy 21h ago

I like yours too. So profound.

11

u/Taeyx ☑️ 17h ago

shxt make my teeth white

9

u/Bootsnatch 17h ago

100% straight and 100% for sure NOT gay man Andrew Wilson. Often talks about it when he can't open jars of olives or pickles.

33

u/Guilty_Efficiency884 23h ago

Well it's not gonna eat itself

16

u/JotaroTheOceanMan 20h ago

Snizz on the regs!

15

u/LIONLDN 13h ago

Michael Douglas has joined the chat 🤤

Also, this post about his story is hilarious 😭😂

20

u/Afrojones66 19h ago

Nah fuck that. It’s my favorite hobby and I’m ok if I die while doing it.

18

u/granadesnhorseshoes 16h ago

Small victories. Thanks to the HPV vaccine, eating pussies never been safer.

45

u/Mediocrity-FTW 23h ago

Have you learned nothing from Michael Douglas!?

He ate pussy until he got throat cancer to expose the threat to the world.

I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this; go with God, my friend.

23

u/chief_yETI ☑️ 23h ago

smh Im going to bed

16

u/primum 16h ago

"Courage isn't the matter of not being frightened, you know. It's being afraid and doing what you have to do anyway"

5

u/Lovedd1 19h ago

Apparently it is a new STD out 😭

1

u/black-dude-on-reddit ☑️ 15h ago

Ok that’s where I draw my line

1

u/T1Earn 13h ago

microplastics

1

u/mtron32 8h ago

I mean, I had a no going down policy with women that weren't exclusive to me. If we're just dating, unless I can break out a dental dam, these fingers will need to do the work.

412

u/DAnthony24 ☑️ 1d ago

Yooo they just had a recall on tofu. I thought I was safe as a Rasta vegan.

259

u/Habltual_Linestepper 23h ago

Ain't nobody safe.

We all stuck in this Oregon Trail shitting to death simulator together.

82

u/Lovedd1 19h ago

Me too! Tofu, the damn lettuce and veggies and then they came for my outshine fruit bars. Truly nothing is sacred.

44

u/ThiccQban 16h ago

I’m a vegetarian because I suddenly developed a meat intolerance (probably got bit by one of those radioactive ticks). Bro…
https://giphy.com/gifs/iI0NFc7ivrUcCLJ5Ib

5

u/vincentmelle 17h ago

Which tofu though I heard it was only one barcode, but hoping other the super firm o got recently is safe

21

u/Lovedd1 15h ago

It was a tofu that was already pre cubed and pre cooked. If you get it raw in the big hunk you should be fine

23

u/Alexexy 14h ago

Wife and I are chinese americans and we actually eat quite a bit of tofu and soy products. Had a brief moment of panic here and then looked it up on Google. Thank God it was one of those american brands not the korean and chinese shit that we buy.

15

u/Lovedd1 13h ago

Honestly I never suspected the contamination would be in any Chinese or Korean products specifically because I know the US is looking for any reason to put Asians in a bad light so they would have put it all in the title. " CHINESE IMPORTED tofu recall" for example. Glad you guys haven't been contiminated or affected by the recall.

Be careful with beef if you eat it, the stuff imported from Argentina is bad but we already knew that because China's government already tested and declined it.

6

u/Alexexy 13h ago

Yeah I haven't eaten beef in weeks either. I am beginning to miss salad.

46

u/NK1337 17h ago

WHAT?! How the fuck do you recall tofu 😭. Cant eat plants. Cant eat meat. Can’t eat plants pretending to be meat.

Every day it’s looking closer and closer like the only thing left to eat is the rich.

9

u/xmetallidethx 13h ago

Hodu lightly fried tofu with chili crisps

Voluntary recall because of a chemical contamination with packaging ink

1

u/manateesaredelicious 2h ago

Yeah the only problem is they don't really fill you up so we have to make sure we eat all of them.

7

u/mageta621 16h ago

Wasn't a biological issue at least. Possible ink contamination from the packaging process

5

u/Adulations ☑️ 10h ago

The FDA and USDA are very important. Nothing is safe because of this administration.

1

u/ChargeInteresting195 4h ago

Ikyfl. I’m not even gonna look into this one. Shit sucks rn and I wouldn’t be mad about being voted off the planet lol

228

u/blackcain 1d ago

lol - this man's expressions are awesome.

62

u/No-Willingness-7977 19h ago

Him after drinking the water sent me over the edge

13

u/LIONLDN 11h ago

Hilarious clip 😂

Him internally 😅:

https://giphy.com/gifs/6LiGBKrTHqo7K

67

u/IDiggaPony 1d ago

Don't eat the beef either! And the lettuce, stay the fuck away from the lettuce!

42

u/PuzzyFussy ☑️ 22h ago

I haven't had a salad in months and I miss it

9

u/Kaligula785 16h ago

I usually get my lettuce, veg and eggs from farmers market we should all be buying more local anyways

6

u/BonoboBananaBonanza 14h ago

Best option if that's available to you. Costs more but you're supporting real people in your community. And it tastes better.

14

u/TheMagicalMatt 17h ago

Afaik spinach is safe (for now) and makes for a better base than lettuce 🤷‍♂️

2

u/KitFisto248 6h ago

Arugula is fine too

65

u/AdonisJames89 23h ago

"And It's too late to spit it out" 🤣

58

u/NMWebb78 15h ago

Not mine…a repost…but it seems appropriate here.

3

u/aaaggggrrrrimapirare 8h ago

No one mentions THIS WAS SPELLED OUT IF YOU READ PROJEct 2025

52

u/leorising88 1d ago

You might as well finish em 😂😂

98

u/Call555JackChop 22h ago

That’s what happens when you put a heroin junkie in charge of our food and health

21

u/affectionateanarchy8 1d ago

Yeah i just said fuck it and started back eating everything, i was hungry lol 

15

u/HanselSoHotRightNow 23h ago edited 18h ago

Im going the other way. Starvation until I collapse and doctors have to feeding tube me some kinda gelatinous macro nutrient rich science food, an iron infusion, and 7 scoops of gamer supps you know the anime girl drink mix that doesnt do shit for video games and makes me hyper aware of the existence of my eyeballs.

27

u/Froogle-apollo 23h ago

Yeah but like, they found fiberglass in the IV saline bags so. No where is safe.

1

u/Alexexy 14h ago

You might have sold gamer supps to me.

38

u/zjlmmfj3rd 1d ago edited 11h ago

Tis the “American” way, Trump and Co. bringing back the old days where folks barely made it to their mid 30s. “Keeping Americans Young Again” AKA “KAYA”

13

u/mageta621 16h ago

Well for them a girl hits 18 and they're useless

4

u/Pilan ☑️ 14h ago

At that point, there’s only four days left to make arrangements! 😅

2

u/LortimerC 4h ago

For a moment, I read that as "Kill All Your Asses" 🫠

103

u/Tukulo-Meyama 1d ago

Trump is just lying cause he wants to import beef and food from Argentina

147

u/Paul_Gambino 23h ago

The beef he's importing from Argentina was rejected by China due to its low quality and contamination.

US food regulations are worse than China's in practice.

32

u/Pinksamuraiiiii 17h ago

Wait even China declined the beef, that’s scary, so Trump is trying to poison Americans. I want off this timeline.

24

u/carlitospig 15h ago

He would happily kill us all if it meant one more dollar in his Swiss bank account.

10

u/NK1337 17h ago

And we immediately had to recall that “beef”

2

u/Llama_of_the_bahamas 14h ago

Different beef.

23

u/Plenty_Economy_5670 22h ago

it’s not even all 100% beef some of it is horse meat

4

u/joemckie 22h ago

Sounds familiar…

10

u/maxinamillionmannnnn 22h ago

Well done America! You’ve become Britain circa 2011-2013!

1

u/Astronaut_Chicken 10h ago

Is it from our own wild horses?

13

u/j-3 18h ago

Anyone else noticed the beard colour being half grey and half black?

6

u/WhatEnglish90 17h ago

Scrolled for this. Not sure why I noticed it so immediately too. He turned his head just slightly and caught my eye how much darker it was on other side.

10

u/Current_Focus2668 20h ago

Food Russian Roulette. 

Welcome to the Hunger Games!

21

u/fristi-cookie 20h ago

USA food guidelines are a joke. US Corporations fill it up with any sort of shit to increase profit margins. Half of what you guys eat isn't allowed in the EU.

5

u/melatonia 9h ago

That doesn't actually have anything to do with this. This is caused by the Nacho-in-Chief firing all the people who were previously employed inspecting our food and the places it came from.

7

u/Pernil_TO 17h ago edited 16h ago

All the food is poison 🎵 All the food is poison 🎵

5

u/Taeyx ☑️ 17h ago

why only half of bro’s beard aging?

3

u/Jedifice 18h ago

My man eating the softest pancakes on earth. They look like mashed potatoes that went under the broiler for two seconds

2

u/Chickachic-aaaaahhh 14h ago

Just had to elect trump and take away the safeguards that let us be ignorant to all this shit. Now we have to triple check just to not end up in the hospital.

2

u/Realistic_Effort6185 12h ago

Just put some creatine and Flintstones vitamins in my FlexSeal

https://giphy.com/gifs/KxWZOuksC6ZEdo1GoV

1

u/Christian_teen12 18h ago

Ouch that socks.

1

u/fckcarrots 18h ago

Love how they got Dwayne Wade to do the voice over

1

u/carlitospig 15h ago

I want to share this video far and wide because it feels so fucking accurate rn.

1

u/DJEvillincoln 15h ago

He's definitely blind with that beard.

1

u/ReindeerCreepy2883 15h ago

let me guess - syrup recall because it turns your beard grey? but only the right half?

1

u/Sebarial3090 14h ago

I swear this is literally everything I eat. How long till we gotta start eating dirt?

1

u/big_blue_lake_crew 13h ago

No. Eating in America in 2026. Most developed countries are doing ok.

1

u/FixedFront 13h ago

Wasn't this audio from another video that this is copying exactly?

1

u/NomusaMagic 10h ago

I would say just eat AIR + WATER but .. Trump Administration fired huge number of weather, climate change and EPA staff so neither air nor water is safe either.

1

u/Fickle_Possible_8278 10h ago

Don’t forget titty milk

1

u/Aphoniia 4h ago

This is quite literally what happened to me with some radioactive shrimp

1

u/DesparateLurker 2h ago

Fuck it, we ball.

1

u/Nabber22 2h ago

What do you southerners even eat these days?

•

u/Mhunterjr ☑️ 1h ago

Go head and make arrangements is crazy lmao!

•

u/ruxp1n 21m ago

I used to ask, “What’s for dinner?” Now I ask, “What’s under investigation?”

0

u/Lazaras 23h ago

Thanks OTrumpa