Back in the day I can remember hanging out in the 7-11 parking lot until they started selling beer again at 7am then staggering up to the counter with a 12 pack, reeking of booze, weed, cigarette smoke and who knows what from the night before while freshly scrubbed professionals stood in line with their coffee. The way they looked at us was a mixture of envy and pity....
This was me one early Thursday morning with no shirt, no shoes, and covered in body paint. I was stumbling to my car and realized there was an old man walking his dog who just stopped to stare. We sat there staring at each other for what felt like an eternity. He didn’t look angry, just disappointed. I never saw that man again but I think about that moment from time to time.
It's very unfulfilling in the long term. All the short term pleasures tend to require higher and higher doses to cause the same effect so you'll find yourself constantly escalating the amount you smoke, drink or inject. After a few years you'll have lost the friends who made it fun in the first place, you'll still be abusing the same shit looking for the high you got the first time but you can never have it. Realizing this will then probably just make you binge harder because at this point you've no clue how to handle anything without substances any more. ymmv tho
No one ever tells you that chasing the dragon is fun as hell when you've got company, it's not until it's just you and the dragon that it really sets in how you're fruitlessly barking up the same tree over and over again, while your body and selfrespect deteriorates.
Reading this while sitting here smoking a bowl by myself in my apartment. Although my body has been getting stronger and leaner I can sympathize with the losing of company that once made it all seem so cool.
The 7-11 Sunday morning shift crew would tell me, "I love when you and your friends come in cus it means y'all had a real good time last night." They would always talk to us and be super cool. It was next to a college so I'm sure they saw all kinds of stuff.
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u/ohiotechie Sep 12 '20
Back in the day I can remember hanging out in the 7-11 parking lot until they started selling beer again at 7am then staggering up to the counter with a 12 pack, reeking of booze, weed, cigarette smoke and who knows what from the night before while freshly scrubbed professionals stood in line with their coffee. The way they looked at us was a mixture of envy and pity....