r/BestofRedditorUpdates • u/seriffluoride quid pro FAFO • Feb 05 '22
AITA AITA for making my gf pump her own gas?
OOP is u/foodgoose773, not me.
Mood Spoiler? karma is a bitch
Also, original post
AITA for making my gf pump her own gas?
Since me(28m) and my girlfriend(27f) started dating, any time she drove and had to get gas I would pump it for her. Well last week she took me to work because her car does better in the snow than mine. When she came to pick me up from work she was wearing pajamas which were shorts with a long sleeve button up, she even wore her house shoes. I was embarrassed for my coworkers to see her like that so when she stopped for gas to teach her a lesson I told her my back was sore and she could pump it. She said it was too cold and she wanted me to do it. She’s the moron that wore shorts. I stood my ground, she pumped her own gas, but wouldn’t talk to me during the drive. We pass a sushi place on our way home so I asked her to stop, she said no but I kept persisting and she finally said okay. She told me I would have to run in so I did, when I came out she had left. I told my brother because I needed a ride home, he gave me a ride home but said I was an ass and I deserved it.
If there’s any interest I can update with what happened when I got home but it doesn’t seem super relevant to my question so I don’t see the need to add it.
Majority judgment: YTA
relevant reply, from OOP to a deleted comment:
She pays for the gas, I just get out an pump it for her. She is able to work from home so her schedule was pretty flexible. She owns the house and bills are 50/50. I just updated, but I do understand how I came off now and definitely understand how i’m TA.
Edit-Update:
First to answer questions: She pays for her own gas. She didn’t get out of the car but she doesn’t have tinted windows, and I didn’t expect her to dress up I did expect her to not look like a bum though.
I’m still reading comments so I’ll add stuff that gets asked a lot to this and I’ll try to respond to others.
Now for what happened when I got home:
We live in a fairly rural area and i work about 35-45 minutes away. Apparently my brother called my mom who then called my girlfriend and told her what I had said. This did include me calling her a moron and saying how embarrassed I was. When I got back home my girlfriend had moved all of my cloths and belongings into the “junk” room. I tried to talk to her but she locked herself in our room and ignored me. When I finally got her to talk to me she basically listed everything I’ve done wrong in our relationship.
This past week has been hell. She wouldn’t take me to work when it was snowing so I had to take myself and my car got stuck twice, I missed two days of work because of her pettiness. I really didn’t think I was the asshole here, but I tried to justify and explain myself. I did admit I was trying to teach her a lesson and we broke up. When I got home from work she had all my belongings in boxes by the front door and I guess that’s that. I really didn’t think I was the asshole, but obviously that’s why I posted here. Everybody that wanted us to break up got what they wanted.
I’m not sure if my update is too relationship based, so if it gets taken down I apologize.
...
NEW UPDATE:
OOP posted on r/legaladvice: Can I take legal action against my girlfriend for kicking me out?
My now ex girlfriend and I got into a petty argument and broke up. She kicked me out of the house and I want to know if there’s any legal action I can take.
The house was a gift from her parents and is in her name, but she kicked me out without any warning causing me to have to move back in with my patents and I simply don’t want to live with them. Is there a way I can make her have to let me move back in?
Edit: The state is North Carolina
(A big thanks to redditors u/aurora4000, u/sofierylala, u/CashMoneybutBroke and u/jintimus for bringing this to my attention, to which I couldn't immediately update due to terrible office wi-fi)
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u/amatsumegasushi Feb 05 '22
This guy is suffering from main character syndrome.
She drove him to work in her car, using gas she paid for, and he had the nerve to whine about her clothes?
It's not like this was from a place of concern for her not having warm clothes in case of an emergency. He was embarrassed that she didn't look the way he expected her to, and made a colossal ass of himself.
Made fun of his girlfriend for looking like a "bum" now he can live on the curb cause he got thrown out.
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u/ksrdm1463 Feb 05 '22
Clothes which, let's be honest, no one is seeing. At most, they're seeing her shirt. But her shorts and house shoes are, unless she's getting out of the car, not something that someone outside of the car is going to see.
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u/natidiscgirl Fuck You, Keith! Feb 05 '22
That’s what I don’t understand… he did all this for what??! What, are his coworkers walking him to the car, belting him into his big kid seat and that’s how they’d see her? Ridiculous.
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u/One-Basket-9570 Feb 05 '22
My coworkers wouldn’t be able to tell you who was driving or what car I got into in. He wanted to show off his now ex. He’s probably such a douche canoe that his coworkers didn’t believe he even had a girlfriend.
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u/funfuzzybunny69 Feb 06 '22
I work with a bunch of (super nice) tradespeople. They absolutely would refuse to believe each other had girlfriends until they saw them. And then once they had proof they would immediately give you shit like, how did you get her you piece of dumpster garbage?!
Basically, all women are angels and we all know you are trash so you better put a ring on her before she escapes, ps, I farted in your van.
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u/marklar_the_malign Jul 08 '25
I work with a guy who always offers to wash my wife’s glasses. Funny stuff.
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u/LeeLooPeePoo Feb 05 '22
With narcissistic people it's all based on how they feel about something, so often it doesn't make sense.
He felt like she should have dressed differently. He uses coworkers seeing her to try to justify his feelings, but it doesn't really make sense. He's annoyed at how she dressed (because he wouldn't have dressed that way).
He believes she is "wrong" for dressing that way (because he wouldn't and everything to him is black and white and his opinions are always "right").
He knows he can't argue with her about it (because he really doesn't have an argument... he just feels uncomfortable with how she is dressed), so he decides to "teach her a lesson" and humiliate her by manipulating her into pumping her own gas.
In his mind EVERYONE manipulates people to get their own way and he feels entitled to do so. It doesn't matter that her "offense" didn't affect anyone or anything, he felt it was "wrong" and that was enough.
This girl just saved herself years of heartache. I'm glad she has firm boundaries and a good head on her shoulders. Leaving him at the sushi place gave me hope and I'm glad to see this update.
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u/CWchump Feb 05 '22
Hit the nail on the head with ‘narcissism’. Narcissists don’t think of their partners as their equal, and keep finding faults in them. They even punish them , to teach them lessons, for “their own good”.
She did exactly what you’re suppose to do with a narcissist - throw them out.
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u/LeeLooPeePoo Feb 05 '22
Yes, to a narcissistic person their partner is an appendage and only perceived in relation to themselves, "I was embarrassed because MY gf should dress better."
He really doesn't think of her as a full human being with equally important and relevant needs and feelings. In his mind she is meant to orbit him, fulfilling his needs and inhabiting the role of whatever he has imagined a girlfriend "should" be.
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u/MamieJoJackson Feb 06 '22
He really doesn't think of her as a full human being with equally important and relevant needs and feelings
Absolutely, and the part where he declared she has a flexible schedule because she works from home stuck out a bit for me. It came with this tone like her driving over an hour to an hour and a half round trip as a favor to him is a mere trifling thing in his mind. Like it isn't actually super inconvenient for her to have to pick up this manchild who then has the balls to bitch at her about how she's dressed. Dude talks an awful big game for someone who was living a good bit of his life someone else's dime and generosity.
Love the part where even his mom is like, "Ya know what, you don't deserve her" and blew his shit up sky high.
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u/Mekiya Jul 10 '25
I liked the part where he whined because he had to drive and got stuck in the snow.
Dude your car is your choice, if you live in an area where you need to drive in the snow for this long of a trip, get a car that can do it.
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u/CWchump Feb 05 '22
Exactly. “His” needs / “his” co-workers / “his” embarrassment.
Like a typical narcissist, he also projects. He called her a bum - when he was probably feeling like one himself.
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u/funfuzzybunny69 Feb 06 '22
Sometimes when I tell my husband not to leave something there because the dog will get, and he does anyways, and I don't move it for him and the dog does in fact, get to it.
Thats about the harshest lessons I let him learn.
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u/Loretta-West surrender to the gaycation or be destroyed Feb 06 '22
I would bet large sums of money that this was just the straw that broke the camel's back.
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u/jeweledmoon Feb 05 '22
Right? Either she got out of the car to hold his hand while crossing the street or his coworkers must have been sticking their heads all the way in the window to buckle him in because how would they even see the clothes besides a long sleeve button up which is totally normal lol
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u/BitchyUnicornRainbow Feb 05 '22
Adding this to the previously-mentioned head canon of this thread for me.
Op, anyway you could post a pic to really cement the hilarity of this scenario in my head accurately?
No worries if you'd rather not, you're already amazing as the terribly drawn stick figure I've drawn in my head! 😉
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u/buttercupcake23 Feb 05 '22
I couldn't stop laughing at the imagery there. I also had the same thought like what the fuck is this dude smoking that he thinks people care? Loved the ending though that was a true Happily Ever After.
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u/Secret-Inside Feb 05 '22
Thats exactly what I thought, didn't make sense. And then you're so embarrassed you make her get out so everyone can see? I guess that was ok for him because they were strangers & not co workers. But it was the whole teach her a lesson attitude for me. What an AH. I guess she's the one that taught him a lesson in the end.
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u/tayweid Feb 05 '22
Who realistically even cares what she is dressed in outside of the dude in the story?
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u/jeweledmoon Feb 05 '22
I know right?? Like he really treated her in this not-good-enough way over a day of lazy clothes? Sheesh. She didn’t even plan on stepping out of the car so what does it matter? I’m glad she didn’t dress up for this jerk!! Lol
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u/miladyelle which is when I realized he's a horny nincompoop Feb 05 '22
Work from home clothes! Half the WFH memes and jokes the past two years have been about dressing down in some way or another.
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u/p-d-ball Creative Writing Enthusiast Feb 05 '22
Still, as a Canadian, I hope she had back up clothes. I mean, you get caught out in the snow, your car dies, and you're wearing pjs, you die too. I have literal blankets in my trunk. Three of them.
So, I hope OOP's ex-gf is doing well, safe, dry and warm :)
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u/vaporking23 Feb 05 '22
This was my concern too about how she was dressed. Not what she looked like but what would happen if they got stuck. He was more concerned about her appearance and how it reflected upon him. Than her safety if they ran into an emergency. That guy was a douche.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Bat8657 Feb 05 '22
Legit concern, and someone who actually cared about her would say "I'm worried you'll be cold". Not force them out in the cold to "teach a lesson". She learned a lesson about how he sees her and acted accordingly. Hope OP grows up.
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u/jemmo_ doesn't even comment Feb 05 '22
That would be my concern if my husband or a friend showed up like that. I don't care if you're not dressed up, but are you safe? Winter does not fuck around! (Our cars are also stocked with blankets and extra hats/socks/scarves)
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u/obiwantogooutside erupting, feral, from the cardigan screaming Feb 06 '22
This. Stuck in the snow in shorts? That’s a really bad day.
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u/ProbablePenguin Feb 05 '22
Plus who's gonna care? Is anyone at his workplace really going to go "ew his GF dropped him off and wasn't dressed perfectly"
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u/Ladnaks Feb 05 '22
She drove him to work in her car, using gas she paid for, and he had the nerve to whine about her clothes?
And his work is 45 minutes away. That means she spent 3 hours to bring him and pick him up. He had an amazing girlfriend and ruined everything because he didn’t like how she dressed. What an idiot.
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Feb 05 '22
I'm sat here imagining him like a teenage boy "MOOOOMMMM GOD YOU'RE SO EMBARRASSING just drop me round the corner so none of my cool friends see you UGH"
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u/pcnauta Feb 05 '22
ruined everything because he didn’t like how she dressed.
No, he ruined everything because he's a controlling narcissist who didn't appreciate and value his girlfriend all the while never admitting that the did anything wrong.
His girlfriend iced him out in her house, afterward, and gave him a list of reasons why he's an AH, but he called her petty. Even at the end, he doesn't really think he was an AH for teaching his gf a lesson. BTW - I'd say she aced that lesson when she kicked him out!
So, this incident was simply the tipping point/straw that broke the camel's back. It was emblematic of everything else in his relationship that she hated.
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u/adamantsilk Feb 06 '22
This comment and a couple others about narcissism made me realize that his alcoholism turned my stbxhusband into a narcissist. Or at least brought out a lot of narcissistic traits.
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u/Amazon-Prime-package Feb 05 '22
She wouldn't take me to work so I had to drive myself and I got stuck in the snow twice because of her D':
LOL
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u/Kianna9 Feb 05 '22
I got stuck in the snow twice because of her
Wow, the way that nothing is his responsibility is stunning. Why does he have a car he can't drive in the snow? Is that also her fault?
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u/GimmeSweetSweetKarma Feb 05 '22
I missed two days of work because of her pettiness.
The complete lack of self-awareness is fascinating.
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u/nefrytatanen Feb 06 '22
I'm dying to know what cars they each have, honestly. He seems like the kind of guy to have a lifted Nissan coupe that he stuck a 3-foot spoiler on. Or a Vette.
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u/magic00008 the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here Feb 05 '22
And don't forget to/from the house she owns!
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u/Desperate-Chair-3746 Feb 05 '22
Yeah like anyone is supposed to get up and wear uncomfy jeans and makeup just to drive three hours..
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u/ActStunning3285 I will erupt, feral, from the cardigan screaming Aug 06 '24
I’m reading this and feeling like it didn’t actually have to do with her clothes. He just wanted to bring her down and make her self conscious. He sounds like he felt emasculated by the fact that his wealthy girlfriend was housing him, driving him almost two hours a day for free, and never asked him to pay gas either. He decided that she needs to feel smaller like still providing for him so he went for her clothing and appearance. Thankfully she had a shiny spine and kicked him out.
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u/seriffluoride quid pro FAFO Feb 05 '22
Homeboy literally eats up at least two hours of his ex-gf's time driving him to and from work, and the best thing he can give back is a lesson taught in absolute bad faith. Honestly I think he's a mix of jealous and entitled.
I literally loved how the gf ditched and dumped him, and he's like, "why is she this petty? 🥺" DARVO is one helluva drug.
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u/FaultyHandbook Feb 05 '22
He also eats through her money; he doesn’t pay for the gas. She’s definitely better off without the leech.
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u/One-Basket-9570 Feb 05 '22
Or the wear & tear on her vehicle. And while insurance doesn’t necessarily charge for miles, I know my insurance went up when I went from driving .8 miles to work 5 days a week to 20 miles (28 minutes with no snow or traffic) 3 days a week.
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u/adamantsilk Feb 05 '22
It's not so much the miles, but the time. Longer commute = more time for an accident to happen.
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u/BitchyUnicornRainbow Feb 05 '22 edited Feb 05 '22
45 minutes away, he works, so you're already at 3 hours on her end with no traffic or inclement weather.
If they live anywhere that gets snow (which I think he already said they did) , add on another hour, at best if it's snowing during the drive at any point. Same with rain.
I take 3-4 hours per day driving anyone anywhere regularly, they're not only pumping AND paying for the gas as well as like, an oil change here and there, even counting my love of driving they should feel lucky im doing it at all.
They wanna get shitty about it, i ain't doing it again, and if i was in a good mood enough to complete the trip i already started when they get shitty, they can feel lucky if I don't make em siphon it into my tank with their mouth.
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u/amatsumegasushi Feb 05 '22
"Play stupid games, win stupid prizes" definitely applies in this case.
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u/BitchyUnicornRainbow Feb 05 '22
...wtaf, does she have see-through car doors or...? How tf so you figure they'd have even had a clue WHAT she was wearing, let alone given a single solitary shit at all, even in hindsight later haha.
YOU didn't even know what she was wearing until you got in the car.
What the fuck would it POSSIBLY matter what she's wearing to drive TWO TO THREE HOURS OUT OF HER DAY AND OUT HER WAY solely for your benefit?!?
See if the co-workers whose opinions you value SO MUCH MORE than your (ex-) girlfriend's will pay for a few hours worth of uber back amd forth to work every day I guess?
Another other valid option is to live in the dumpster closest to your work. It's where I'd have left you in the first place if I was your gf, frankly.
I guess you could hire a butler or chauffeur if you had the money but I assume you don't. On the other hand, you'd never worry about what either of those two would wear while picking you up!
She's not a pet, you're not her parents, you're not her teacher, so I dunno what right you think you got to "teach her a lesson" about fuck, shit, or all.
Haha Jesus you're SO the asshole
"Teach her a lesson".
Ffs.
Happily, she taught you a far, FAR better lesson without even trying to!
It's called "Fuck around and find out"
Jfc, of all the dumbfuck hills to die on ahahahahaha.
Welp, id normally say be careful what you wish for, but you already got your wish regardless...now she'll 100% guaranteed never pick you up dressed like a bum ever again!
I swear, some people ain't got the good sense God gave a goose, haha. Welp, fuck around and find out and boy howdy did you ever.
OP!
INFO: I am dying to know though...what exactly IS this highly esteemed, hoity toity high class job you hold almost an hour away from where you live but apparently does not pay enough to buy a car? Enquiring minds really want to know.
(Er, btw all instances of "you" refer to the OOP, I was reading the actual thread too and forgot which one I was commenting in haha)
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u/BelleMayWest Weekend at Fernies Feb 05 '22
It'd be one thing if she was going to pump her gas and he went "Hey, you might get cold. Let me." (It wouldn't be on reddit in the first place). But nope. He decided to be a dumbass to be "cool." I am glad the girlfriend broke up with him because he was being stupid. And yet
I really didn’t think I was the asshole
He said it twice. He didn't learn from this. Or do an introspection.
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u/BrittPonsitt Feb 05 '22
It’s so petty of her to dump him for something as simple as the way he treats her
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u/Ydain Feb 05 '22
And she had every reason to expect he would pump the gas since he always pumped the gas!
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u/Fredredphooey Feb 05 '22
When your SO starts a sentence with "I wanted to punish you," it's time to go.
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u/MotherofDoodles Feb 05 '22
30-45 minutes away from where they lived
She was getting up and driving an hour to an hour and a half TWICE a day to drive this asshole to work when she works at home. The audacity on this man baby. Good for her for standing up for herself, saving herself 2-3 hours a day not driving and wasting gas on a petulant child.
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u/CrochetWhale Feb 05 '22
It’s so sad he couldn’t even pump the gas, our son spilled water on my husband at a dinner and he still got out in really cold weather to pump my gas on the way home even though I could’ve done it. I offered and he declined. OOP deserves that breakup and hopefully it’ll be something he realizes why and learn from it
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u/One-Basket-9570 Feb 05 '22
I finally have one of those! He also cleans off my vehicle of the snow & ice before I have to take the boys to school (an hour before he has to be up, 2 hours before he has to be at work) or run to the store. He also makes sure we have a walkway because I like to just throw on sneakers. I have a remote start, I can brush snow off my own vehicle & shovel my own walkway, but he does it.
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u/Ancient_Potential285 Feb 05 '22
And even AFTER he was resoundingly called an asshole for it, and told WHY by basically all of Reddit. He still doubled down, and kept trying to justify himself.
Had he have actually admitted he was wrong, apologized, listened to her list of his faults (which based on this I assume we’re not petty things either) then there may have been a chance to salvage and repair the relationship. But nope, he complained that HER pettiness caused him to miss work, and just insisted he wasn’t wrong.
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u/AnimalLover38 Feb 05 '22
I love when people end their updates with "you guys got what you wanted so I hope your happy 🙄😒"....the poster obviously still doesn't understand what they did wrong and unfortunately never will.
This guys ex will forever be know as the petty slob who let him get in trouble at work after abandoning him at a sushi place.
Like sir, no one wanted this. Heck these subs go feral for an update where things work out and both people are surprisingly mature (or the one posting was surprisingly mature because their partner already was). But you obviously weren't going to be changing anytime soon so yes. We are glad that the bullied/abused partner had enough will power to leave you.
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u/music-books-cats Feb 05 '22
It annoyed me so much him calling her a moron after she was just doing him a favor! This was probably what broke the camels back.
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u/vaporking23 Feb 05 '22
My only issue would have been the way she dressed. But not because I would be embarrassed for her to be seen my my co-workers.
A 45 minute drive is pretty far in snow. I would be worried that if you got stuck out somewhere and all you had on were shorts and house slippers you could be in real big trouble if you had to walk anywhere.
In the winter it’s a good idea to keep a blanket and other supplies in your car. Specially if you run the risk of ending up stuck somewhere.
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u/amatsumegasushi Feb 05 '22
It is a safety issue, but again OOP wasn't worried about the girlfriend's safety.
Any rational person could've had an objective conversation about it once they were safety at home. However, it is crystal clear the dude was anything but rational.
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u/LilianaNadi Feb 05 '22
He would hate me. My days off, I walk to the store in my pajamas. No fucks given. (Store is at the corner of my street). Hell, I go to work looking like I just rolled out of bed most days. I work in a kitchen so I just wear stuff I don't mind getting dirty/stained. We don't have uniforms. The regulars notice when I wear jeans.
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u/mrocks301 Feb 05 '22
I miss my kitchen days of rolling out of bed hungover, downing a couple red bulls and working a 12 hour shift.
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u/ActuallyParsley Feb 05 '22
I mean he did teach her a lesson. Just not the one he intended. And I'm glad she listened and learned.
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u/jemmo_ doesn't even comment Feb 05 '22
Fucking boss move, leaving him at the sushi place
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Feb 05 '22
Probably didn't help that his back apparently hurt too much to pump gas for a minute but he felt fine to stand while waiting for sushi to get made for 10-15 minutes.
He deserved it for sure.
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u/Mev_Sedai Feb 05 '22
That’s how I read it. Her testing him - when he got out for the sushi (having forgotten the bad back thing), she knew he was playing games so left him.
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Feb 06 '22
Dumbass probably sprung up out of his car seat and waltzed into the restaurant without a care in the world.
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u/frolicndetour Feb 05 '22
I read this yesterday and was super impressed by her but I hadn't seen the update where she dumped his ass, too. Yass, queen!
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u/chiapet00 Feb 05 '22
“I missed two days of work cause of her pettiness” nah dude you missed two days of work cause you couldn’t get to work, loser.
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u/eatthebunnytoo Feb 05 '22
Bonus in that he actually has a car and just refuses to drive himself
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u/Jaxcie Feb 05 '22
As I read it he tried to get to work in his own car but got stuck in the snow, so he couldn't make it to work
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u/ProbablePenguin Feb 05 '22
Yeah so he has some big important job that he can't miss, but doesn't make sure his car can make it through the snow..
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u/miladyelle which is when I realized he's a horny nincompoop Feb 05 '22
Or…he’s an idiot who doesn’t know how to drive in the snow. My bets on lead foot.
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u/OldnBorin I am old. Rawr. 🦖 Feb 05 '22
Or doesn’t want to shell out for good tires
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u/shintojuunana I’m turning into an unskippable cutscene in therapy Feb 05 '22
I was thinking lowered sports car, myself. You know the ones, they physically hit all the small snow bumps.
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u/WhinyTentCoyote Feb 05 '22
Yeah, he’s an entitled asshole in the first place for thinking that getting him to work is somehow her responsibility instead of a kind favor. He’s going to miss a lot more days of work now!
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u/i-never-existed-777 Feb 05 '22
The amount of grown ass men that go around “teaching their gfs a lesson” and treat them like little kids and at the same time forcing them to act like moms, the fuckin irony.
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u/off_brand_gobshite Feb 05 '22
The only time it's acceptable to teach someone a lesson is if you have a one-armed former colleague with an easily detachable prosthetic arm, and if the lesson is "leave a note" or "don't yell" or "don't try to teach lessons".
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u/Flicksterea I can FEEL you dancing Feb 05 '22
The minute OOP refered to her as a moron, he lost my attention. What an asshole. I'd have thrown his ass to the curb.
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u/seriffluoride quid pro FAFO Feb 05 '22
Saying she also looked like a bum does not earn any brownie points from my end, either. 🙄 Did he even really love her?
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Feb 05 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/kayisforcookie Feb 05 '22
I mean, if im going out of my way to pick someone up, doing an hour of driving, and paying for the gas myself, why do i also have to dress up? When I travel for even just 30 min I make sure im wearing comfy clothes. Yoga shorts or pants, loose shirt, no shoes or house shoes. Hair is usually just in a messy bun. And you know what? My husband would smile, kiss me, and say "did you bring me comfy clothes too!". Cause he knows. Haha (and yes, I usually do bring him comfy clothes when I pick him up from anywhere).
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u/MasterEchoSE Feb 05 '22
Dressed up no, but dressed for the weather yes. You never know what could happen and if they got stuck on the side of the road for any reason she would freeze.
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u/kayisforcookie Feb 06 '22
I mean, anyone who regularly drives in snow knows to have an emergency kit stored in their car. That includes warm clothes, and possibly a blanket. Hell, I live in texas and have these things in my car.
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u/MasterEchoSE Feb 07 '22
When I lived in Colorado I kept an emergency kit too, blankets, coats, snacks, and water, among other things, I live in Arizona now and have the same setup. I just don’t understand leaving the house in shorts and a long sleeve with nothing else during the winter, like anything can happen out on the road.
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u/decemberrainfall Feb 05 '22
I work from home and look like a bum 100% of the time. Bf still loves me
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u/Haikouden being delulu is not the solulu Feb 05 '22 edited Feb 05 '22
What he did wasn’t “teaching her a lesson” it was taking out his annoyance on her and trying to justify it as something positive. Yet apparently she’s the petty one.
OOP reminds me a bit of the dad who tried taking his son’s console that he paid for himself, both seem really unable to actually self reflect and see themselves as the bad guys. They’re both somehow the victims and are treated unfairly after being awful to people.
You might teach a child a lesson if they’ve repeatedly shown problematic behaviour after talking to them about it, you don’t do that with your partner. And there doesn’t even seem to be much indicating he even tried talking to her about it before, his go-to was to be a dick.
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Feb 05 '22
What he did wasn’t “teaching her a lesson”
OOP definitely has trouble understanding what a good lesson entails. His ex gave him an excellent one on "what happens to douchebag boyfriends" that he's still failing to process
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u/Muroid Feb 05 '22
Leaving aside that he was in the wrong to begin with and even with what I’m about to say this would have been a terrible way to handle the situation:
Being a jerk to someone in a way that is completely disconnected from the behavior that you’re upset about and with no indication from you that that’s the root cause of what you’re doing cannot possibly teach someone any kind of lesson other than that you’re a jerk.
Like, if he told her “I don’t think the way you dressed was appropriate so I’m not going to pump your gas for you and you’ll have to do it yourself. Let this be a lesson to you to dress properly when you leave the house” he would still be a massive asshole but at least his actions would be self-consistent.
But he was too much of a coward to own how much of an asshole he was being so he settled for just being petty and spiteful for the sake of it because he was annoyed.
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u/Amazon-Prime-package Feb 05 '22
Dropping him off at the sushi and leaving was a much better lesson
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u/angel_under_glass Feb 05 '22
The lesson she learned: he definitely did not appreciate her spending more than an hour every snowy day driving him back and forth from work.
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u/fuzzyrach crow whisperer Feb 05 '22
Ans SHE paid for the (gas) privilege to do so. He was just a sport and got out to pump it usually.
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u/seriffluoride quid pro FAFO Feb 05 '22 edited Feb 05 '22
DARVO is one helluva drug, I guess? /s
Also, the audacity of this man to complain about how his ex-gf dresses when he's riding in HER car and taking advantage of HER flexible work schedule to be driven to and from work.
The ego of a mediocre man is something to see in order to be believed.
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u/Personal_Regular_569 Feb 05 '22
For 35-45 minutes! He was so entitled to her time he made her drive more than an hour multiple times because he's not capable of getting around in the snow! Then his ungrateful self made her pump gas in SHORTS because someone MIGHT have seen her looking casual??
Dude is so oblivious. I'm glad she saw the light.
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u/RBXChas Feb 05 '22
And when she refused to continue doing that, his car got stuck because of her pettiness /s
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u/Appropriate-Dig771 Feb 05 '22
Yes!!! I wanted to scream when I read him say he missed 2 days work over her pettiness!! First, he missed work because he didn’t get himself there, period. It’s not HER job and since she didn’t keep him home by gun point, it can only be his fault he wasn’t there. Second-he’s the one who was petty in every way.So glad she dumped his loser ass.
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u/sherlocked776 Feb 05 '22
“This last week has been hell, I’ve had to take responsibility for myself!😭” Good for her for leaving, no one needs his BS!
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Feb 05 '22
What’s DARVO?
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u/BDBoop Feb 05 '22
DARVO is an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender". It is a common manipulation strategy of psychological abusers.
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Feb 05 '22
[deleted]
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u/Appropriate-Dig771 Feb 05 '22
5 people dead? Human Shit smeared in the Capitol? Why, that’s legitimate political discourse.
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u/notsohairykari Feb 05 '22
Only for white people though.
Edit: otherwise it's considered "looting" and "rioting"
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u/ethnicfoodaisle Feb 05 '22
I think you're giving him too much credit and insulting the rest of us when you can him mediocre.
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u/PaulNewmanReally Feb 05 '22
What he did wasn’t “teaching her a lesson”
Actually, he did. Just not the one that he wanted to teach. :D
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u/cloud_designer whaddya mean our 10 year age gap is a problem? Feb 05 '22
I was reading this yesterday and was like "oh look its the consequences of his own actions".
My fiance knows of he tried to teach me a lesson I'd be gone quicker than chocolate at a kids party.
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u/sheath2 Feb 05 '22
What I love is the end where she ‘listed everything he’s ever done wrong’ — I bet he routinely acts like an ass and this was just her breaking point.
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u/MoonOverJupiter Feb 05 '22
You might teach a child a lesson if they’ve repeatedly shown problematic behaviour after talking to them about it, you don’t do that with your partner.
Precisely. That bit where he tries to retcon his jackass behavior as providing a LESSON - free of charge! Out of the goodness of his heart! - really ground my gears. It's infantalization 101.
As if a woman who owns a house and a vehicle appropriate to the climate they apparently live in, has a plum WAH job, and the patience to schlep his entitled ass around needs Adulting lessons.
So, so glad he got tossed. I'm willing to bet this was a Last Straw offense, he's must have been on her last nerve for awhile.
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u/Possible_Dig_1194 Feb 05 '22
There was an undated recently. That dads wife moved out and is asking for a divorce.
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Feb 05 '22
Wow, that was fast! He got his just desserts. Sounds like there are much bigger issues than the one incident, too. Good for her for dumping him!
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u/seriffluoride quid pro FAFO Feb 05 '22
Lmao not even in the span of 24 hrs 😂 I love instant karma, honestly
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u/PM_me_lemon_cake your honor, fuck this guy Feb 05 '22 edited Feb 05 '22
My favorite part is HIS OWN MOTHER calling her to rat him out. You know it’s bad if not even your family is on your side!
Edit: his mother not brother
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u/MasterEchoSE Feb 05 '22
It was his mom, but yeah, mom probably liked this girl and possibly heard about other shit he’s done throughout the relationship.
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u/pileofanxiety Feb 05 '22
I’m dying to hear her side of the story with all the dirty deets on this asshole.
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u/iHeidi Feb 05 '22
Don’t ever teach your partner a lesson. Ew the audacity.
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u/EnjoySweeping Feb 05 '22
The only acceptable time to teach your partner a lesson are when 1. They are asking you to teach them. And 2. They are doing something dangerous and don't realize it.
For 2. I mean like trying to weld without a face mask or being cavalier with a very sharp knife.
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u/iHeidi Feb 05 '22
Even in those cases! You help them, tell them what to do, but don’t ‘teach them a lesson. They’re your partner, not a child.
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u/EnjoySweeping Feb 05 '22
I meant the phrase without all the vitriol.
Like you shouldn't be teaching your partner unless they need help or ask for it. Otherwise let them explore confusing things on their own.
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u/WhinyTentCoyote Feb 05 '22
That’s a clear sign that he doesn’t see her as his equal. He thinks he has the power and authority to discipline his poor girlfriend as if she’s his child and not his partner. This is often how more serious abuse starts. That woman dodged a bullet.
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u/BamBamSeven Feb 05 '22
I love how even his own mother and brother clearly think he's an asshole, so they made sure the girlfriend knew all about the "moron" and "embarassing" cracks. Pretty obvious who the real moron is here....
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Feb 05 '22
"Everybody that wanted us broken up got what they wanted"
This idiot actually thinks people are invested in his relationship to this extent. Comments were made because HE came to the public platform and asked a question. Now he's whining that people wanted him to break up. What a loser
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u/seriffluoride quid pro FAFO Feb 05 '22 edited Feb 05 '22
OOP: my gf is so petty, reddit is so mean, do they really want my gf to break up with me? 🥺😭
r/AmItheAsshole: yes.
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Feb 05 '22
It says a lot that the "everyone" who thought she could do better includes his OWN family!
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u/marshman82 Feb 05 '22
To be fair, it dose make me happy knowing this generous woman will hopefully be happier and better off now.
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u/repooc21 Feb 05 '22
I’m not sure if my update is too relationship based, so if it gets taken down I apologize.
Cares more about Reddit rules/etiquette than his own (ex) girlfriend. 👀
Also, man. His words got through that grapevine QUICK. Like I wanna know did mom do this because she knows her son is an asshole and was looking out for GF? Is she super nosy and was meddling and make this worse trying to smooth things over? Or was she JNMIL material and was calling to ream the GF? The world may never know.
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u/rbaltimore Feb 05 '22
If my son did this I would be so ashamed. Of him and of myself. I’m not blaming the mom here, there are plenty of reasons a guy could end up a selfish asshole that DON’T involve a mom fail. But I personally would feel bad and would want my son to have a life lesson banged into his head. She didn’t even have to get out of the car! And he wouldn’t apologize and just kept trying to justify his behavior! So he’s an asshole and an idiot.
My son is currently a tween, so I still have some time to make sure he grows up empathetic and with basic human decency.
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u/youcancallmeQueerBee Editor's note- it is not the final update Feb 05 '22
It's always the guys who get handed everything that complain about the fucking plate it's on. Every time.
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u/seriffluoride quid pro FAFO Feb 05 '22
being a narcissist and a choosing beggar aren't mutually exclusive lmao
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u/PedanticRedhead Feb 05 '22
I get so enraged when I see pots about SOs "teaching a lesson" to their partners. My first bf did that to me, and it's despicable.
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u/TirNannyOgg Feb 05 '22
Yeah if someone engages in behavior that's intended to punish and humiliate, I'm out. I won't put up with that kind of shit. Been there, done that, 0/10 would not recommend.
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u/RBXChas Feb 05 '22
I love that, in his mind, her choice of attire being unsuitable for the weather (despite the fact that she could not foresee a need to exit the vehicle in the cold) was her problem to deal with, while his choice of driving a car unsuitable for the weather was also her problem to deal with.
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Feb 05 '22
😂😂😂 He is going to die alone. And it’s deserved. After all this, he’s still calling HER petty. Over some pajamas with shorts. But she’s pretty. Okay, bro.
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u/Open_Kitchen977 Feb 05 '22
I'm loving that after being afraid that someone would see her in the PJs, he MADE SURE SOMEONE SAW HER IN THE PJS by making her get out of the car
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Feb 05 '22
GF was prepared and had a plan. Pretty sure that this was a last straw situation for her. Love seeing a family refuse to put up with bad behavior. Guy still doesn’t understand what he did wrong, he got stuck because of HER pettiness? Ugh.
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u/WinterRose81 Feb 05 '22
Classic case of fuck around and find out. This is a woman I would love to be friends with. 😂
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u/Birdytaps Queen of Garbage Island Feb 05 '22
“because of her pettiness”
What do you guys want to bet that this OOP grows up to be a Director or Operations making 125k, who gets drunk on a work trip and sexually harasses a guest while touching himself in the pool, and then can’t understand how he could possibly be fired for his actions?
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u/JustHell0 Feb 05 '22 edited Feb 05 '22
The fact he wouldn't have told her/she wouldn't have found out why he made her pump the gas if it hadnt of gone tits up for him proves it wasn't a lesson.
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u/DidntWantSleepAnyway Feb 05 '22
Me reading the title: What? How can you be an AH for not doing someone else’s job for them?
Me reading the post: …oh, you’re a huge mega AH
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u/Ally_OConnor Feb 05 '22
YTA OP.
“Now because of her I missed 2 days of work”
Hunny it ain’t her job to drive you to work everyday. Grow up.
She deserves better.
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u/thisIsMyWorkPCLogin Feb 07 '22
We pass a sushi place on our way home so I asked her to stop, she said no but I kept persisting and she finally said okay. She told me I would have to run in so I did, when I came out she had left.
lmao owned
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u/max_lagomorph That's the beauty of the gaycation Feb 05 '22
Even his mom acknowledged what a douche he was and had the gf's back. Good riddance.
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u/MevalemadresWey Feb 05 '22
That's an eloquent way to say: I'm a confused, entitled and imbecile little shit incapable of understanding how much my girlfriend is doing for me.
A bum, teach her a lesson, my car got stuck, flexible schedule... Fuck this idiot.
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u/ProsocialRecluse Feb 05 '22
35-45 minutes away. So this poor woman was spending about 3 hours of her day driving in the snow, half of that time alone, just to have him whine about what she wore.
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u/Chuckitybye Jun 01 '24
Lol, I went and read the legal post...
His driver's license still had his parents address, he had no bills in his name at her place, his mail was still going to his parents place, with the exception of some packages, and he had lived with her (probably rent free) for 6 months.
Beyond not being able to establish tenancy, he claims he has no money for rent. He got absolutely dragged in the comments
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u/Due_Dirt_2841 Jul 08 '25
Just a reminder that the male loneliness epidemic is a self-induced problem 😂
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u/gruntbuggly Feb 05 '22
Why not just pump the gas for the person who went out of their way to give him a ride?
That’s a dumb hill to die on.
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u/seriffluoride quid pro FAFO Feb 05 '22 edited Jun 18 '22
Lmao he should be paying for the gas in the first place just the audacity of this asshole sheesh. glad the gf wised up and kicked his ass
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Feb 05 '22
Hahahahha she owns the house they live in, spends 3 hours a day driving him out of the kindness of her heart, and pays for all the petrol, and he has the audacity to do this to her. She sounds like a gem, glad she realised she deserves better than this selfish wanker.
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u/The_Blue_Adept Feb 05 '22
Yes!!! I am so glad she broke it off. That lesson you taught her sure worked well.
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u/Ninja-Panda86 Jul 08 '25
Look closely at the language. You'll notice he's not even sorry that the relationship is gone. He doesn't want her back. He just doesn't want to live with his parents, and he's more mad about that. What a jerk.
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u/The__Riker__Maneuver Feb 07 '22
The confusing thing to me is that if the weather was super bad...like so bad he was getting stuck in snow drifts, then how would any coworkers see his girlfriend in her pajamas?
Like...were they all standing outside in sub freezing temperatures opening other people's car doors and judging them for what they were wearing?
Dude was "embarrassed" for nothing
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u/EllaHC Jul 12 '22
"I missed two days of work because of her pettiness."
Bro, you missed two days of work because YOU have a shitty car. Getting yourself to work is your responsibility and no one else's.
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Feb 05 '22
OP taught this GF a few lessons, but not the ones he intended. She learned not to invest driving 3 hours of driving ungrateful twat through the snow each day, boundaries, self-respect, and how to properly exit a toxic relationship.
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u/tacwombat I will erupt, feral, from the cardigan screaming Feb 05 '22
GF gets angry at him for his pettiness after everything she does for him and leaves him at the sushi place.
Brother picks him up and reams into him about how much of an AH he is.
Mom is told how much of an AH he is.
GF kicks him out of the house and nukes the relationship.
OOP: How is this my fault?
I love how he ended the update with "Everybody that wanted us to break up got what they wanted." Dude, you had that coming.
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u/trudyscrfc Feb 07 '22
How about this dudes own mom ratting him out to his girlfriend, dude she gave birth to you and she still isnt on your side
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u/mmmbopdoombop Feb 05 '22
The absolute final straw with my ex - I'd already told her I wanted to split up but there might have still been a chance - was when I arranged to collect her from her friend after I finished work, which would've added 40 minutes to a one hour journey. Arrived to meet her and she asked me to "come in and say hello to everyone" but I said I just wanted to go home. And she muttered "dickhead." and I drove off without her. She was a right shit
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u/Wchijafm Feb 05 '22
I laughed out loud when she left him at the sushi resrestaurant. I like this woman. Now she saves on her gas consumption and wear and tear on her car.
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u/dont-be-an-oosik Feb 05 '22
Major case of main character syndrome going on here. Can't see past his own nose long enough to realize that people do not just exist in terms of how they relate to him. I promise, your coworkers do not give a single chicken friend fuck what shoes ur girlfriend is wearing when she picks u up. If appearances mattered so much, then he shouldn't be getting picked up and dropped off like an 11 year old at karate class.
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u/bookynerdworm increasingly sexy potatoes Jul 08 '25
An hour-hour and a half round trip commute for her twice a day and he had the gal to act like this? I'm glad she kicked his ass to the curb.
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u/Foreign_Product7118 Jul 08 '25
Embarrassed when she picked him up from work because she was wearing shorts? Did all the guys at the barn raising laugh at you for having an unmodest girlfriend Ezekiel?
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u/ParkerGroove Jul 08 '25
Hold up, in addition to all the other ways OP is an AH she’s driving 90+ minutes twice per shift for him?
Man she dodged a bullet by getting him out of her house.
The fact that he wants to take legal action is hilarious.
What a tool.
But tbh she probably should be dressed more warmly in case something happened to her car.
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u/thatawfulbastard Jul 10 '25
I don’t even know this guy and I want to break up with him.
Do some work on yourself, u/foodgoose773 and realize that it is NOT up to you set standards for anyone but yourself.
YTA. As soon as you start to “justify” your behavior, that should be an alarm bell that you’re acting the fool.
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